~LIFE HAPPENS~

Thankful for in 2012

2012-01-01T16:30:00.006-05:00

So like many people I belong to Facebook and yes I even admit to stalking once in awhile LOL but if ya don't how do you find out the dirt LOL. Anyway, every November I see all my friends and family post what they are thankful for each day and usually I jump on the band wagon. However this year, I decided to boycott the activity...I know right you are shocked, but with every holiday I see my friends say, we should feel this way everyday. I have been in this club and decided that it made me a hypocrite if I didn't apply this to my life, so this year that's my first GOAL. Not resolution, because labeling it that means I will fail, its inevitable. Please feel free to list your stuff here too, if you want, I am happy to share.

Lets be thankful this year for what we have, not what we want or what we don't have. Life is too short, to NOT start LOVING our lives and appreciating the small things in them. I love my husband, kids, and family, but what I love more are the little things I overlook, or have become complacent about, so this year I am going to LOVE MY LIFE.

1. I am thankful for my husband calling me from work at midnight last night, so that we could ring in the New Year together. It's not something I expected, but so appreciated.

OMG super frustrated parent

2011-09-21T13:39:00.005-04:00

So it’s been forever since I blogged or anything, and last week I decided that I was going to be positive and thankful when I did post….HOWEVER I have always stood by the belief that life isn’t fair, but overall “right is right and wrong is wrong” and that sometimes you have to voice your opinion. I try to NOT say anything about politics or personal beliefs of others because ultimately EVERYONE is entitled to their own opinions….BUT today I read something that I am so darn angry about I am not even sure where to begin, or who I need to complain too…so I am posting this here for opinions.

Yesterday I received the little one’s fund raiser info home, and although its always excessively expensive I try to participate, and none of us have the money, but I can usually buy less of something to get buy. Anyway we get the CATALOG and all of us know that the stuff is always overpriced, but hey it’s a fundraiser, and with a kid in college I planned on just getting all the junk food and sending it in a care package to his suite. So grabbing a pen to make my list, I notice this little label that had been affixed to the front of the catalog that said
Now let me first say I so support this wellness program at the school, and we do try to eat better than crap at home, but are you kidding me who the heck does this.

· First off get a brochure that I am not restricted in,

· Second DO NOT try and enforce your policy AT school IN MY HOME.

Finally guess what gang, there are more fat people than skinny in today’s society, so just restricting chocolate and junk is not going to make us skinny. How about instead of telling the kids NO CHOCOLATE, how about we increase gym/PE time, and do constructive exercise programs within the education day. I can think that the perfect way for kids to learn to count would be jumping jacks. Ya know what ever happened to the Presidential Fitness Awards that those of us from my generation strived to get (only once for me….I kind of stunk at some of those exercises LOL) but still it was a big deal in our day with a certificate and a patch. Jump rope for your heart was required not optional….yes even for those of us who can’t jump rope LOL.

Anyway, I am truly not sure who I need to forward this too, I hate to raise a ruckus at the school, but come on really. Am I wrong?

Letter to my Son on Senior night....

2010-10-28T13:40:00.007-04:00

To my oldest son,

I can't imagine what my life would have been like without your beautiful face in it. Almost 18 years ago, I knew, deep down inside that you would be the light of my life. I would give up anything for you, and tomorrow night as your dad and I walk down to the field with you for Senior Night, know that no matter where you are, or what you do, that we are so proud of you, and we will always be here for you, even to do laundry and cook when you come back home (and we know I hate cooking LOL).

I have treasured the last 12 years of football, the injuries, the smelly cleats, the forgotten pads I had to run out to school, and your strength to just "keep going" even when I know you wanted to stop some nights. You may never walk onto another football field again, but know that you have made a difference in all our lives when we think of your heart. It is truly the heart of a warrior...well a Bulldog (even though you've been a Beaver, a Dolphin, a Cardinal and now a Bulldog).

I am going to try very hard to not embarrass you by having mascara running down my face tomorrow night, but notice I didn't promise LOL. You have made me so proud, and as hard as it will feel in my heart next week when the game clock goes to 0:00 for the last time, I will try very hard to look forward to the joys and adventures you are going to have, and hopefully still share us.

Enjoy this, and know (what you will need to remind me of next week) is that this is not the end, its truly just the beginning. I love you so much Osten, thank you for being you.

Back in the game...

2010-09-29T11:14:00.006-04:00

ya know sometimes the game of life "knocks you on your butt" and the older I get the harder it seems to get back up and back in the game. But yesterday was IT for me. I am not sure exactly what woke me up and made me REFOCUS, but thank God it happened. No I'm not doing everything the way I should be, or I did, and it'll take me awhile to FIND that schedule that I used to love so much....but I am on a mission to find ME.

I am going to find ME in the mess of bills, laundry, mundane duties, broken cars and dishwashers, and flash flood warnings. Yep somewhere in there is the person I believe I am. No, not the skinny one who I wished would just beat the hell out of the fat girl and be THIN again, but the one who enjoys life, and has a mission, and feels like herself....yeah that's the one I want.

So the downstairs is straightened up, the laundry is in, dishes are done, and meat is out thawing for dinner. I have had my coffee, and I am going to watch a movie, and work on my homework. Who truly knows how hard it is at 40 to go back to school and be a mom, and do our jobs (even if mine is paid in smiles and complaining kids LOL)?

Last night I came home and said I need a family meeting...said what I needed and then dismissed everyone....it dawned on me at about midnight it wasn't a meeting so much as me having something to say, and I wanted them all in one place to say it....so Thank you my kids and hubby for allowing me to get it out, and voice my issues, even if I did do it from my lecturing podium LOL. You are the most amazing people in the entire world and I am grateful for each of you every single day of my life.

Today I will accomplish something FOR ME, even if its a bubble bath to shave my legs...it will be in a clean tub (as soon as I get it cleaned LOL) with a new razor and the "gel" shaving cream....with a nice cup of coffee and a smelly candle....that should get me moving on that tub now LOL. What will you accomplish for YOU today?

When it rains....

2010-09-27T13:11:00.005-04:00

....it pours. Is there some law that says when one thing (you can't afford to fix) breaks, so does everything else? I know, I know, Murphy's Law....but how about cutting some slack for a mom, in school on a budget that doesn't allow for any major issues LOL.

That being said, I need to:

fix the tire rim (yes still),
get two new tires (well used ones LOL they are cheaper),
call Frigidaire to fix the water pump on my diswasher,
finish fixing the darn toilet (yes still)
then paint my daughters room,
get her a new mattress,
fix the tiles in the boys room (thank you babies for having the ability to peel and break 6 stick down tiles LOL)
Figure out a way to pay the bills with the husband's paycheck (while I pray to hit the Lottery)

and this isn't even my daily list of stuff to do? Or all the MAJOR things that need done before the family comes to visit for son's graduation in June. Where oh where is my Fairy Godmother with her bank account, and her "you are skinny" wand? Well I would love someone to find her and send her here to my house SUPER FAST.

Off to finish picking up, lighting the wonderful carmel pecan candles, and then drink a great cup of coffee, and maybe it will all FEEL better...even if it isn't before the bus drops off my pride and joy(s) from school.

Still amazes me....

2010-09-25T19:39:00.003-04:00

....that there is actually a list of challenged/banned books in this country. Being back in school and finishing my English degree has me thinking about how many books there are out there to read, and how many books are no longer accessible to us, or our children. There are many books on this list, that I might have no interest in at all, but I don't believe they should be banned or off library shelves.

Did you realize in some places in the U.S. Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary has been pulled of shelves (10 books you might not expect to be banned)? Kind of sad to even think about now isn't it. Oh and it was pulled for the definition of "Oral Sex." I'm not sure that the definition is so much worse than what our kids can find on television. Anyway, I am including the link to the original article, and the link to the top 100 banned/challenged books.

Even if you don't have an opinion about this, its interesting to see what is on the list that you actually read throughout your life.

Being a mom....

2010-09-23T18:30:00.003-04:00

....for my entire life all I ever truly wanted to be was a really good mom. Some days I actually "think" I am. But other days, phew I just stink. With the first two boys I was on them like white on rice, and now with the little ones, I some days feel I am so "busy" running with the older ones, that they get lost in the shuffle. I am exhausted every moment, and now I am trying to go to school and finish so I can get a flippen job...where I will mesh that in I don 't know, but I NEED too.

So today as I look around my house, I realize I have to start getting MORE done, I mean, and I have to do better. The question is, where do I find that "inner drive to do it?" Does anyone know if its on clearance somewhere? I mean take for example my weight, I so WANT to be skinnier, and I get on a roll and do well, then something happens (this time surgery) and I quit doing what I'm doing, and I am back to ground zero.

So today I am going to PRIORITIZE my life and get my butt in gear....

1. call DR tomorrow AM to set up appt to discuss "weighty" issue LOL

2. Get house cleaning schedule back in place (no avoiding it anymore)

3. Laundry caught up AND put away this time

4. Homework schedule for ALL of us ENFORCED

5. Remind my husband and kids how much I love them

If I can get these things in place life will allow me to breathe a bit more "I THINK." Any other ideas and encouragement is always welcome. Thanks for letting me vent my blogger friends.

Story to tell....

2010-09-22T15:20:00.004-04:00

so its been a really long time since I blogged, and I have been feeling kind of crappy recently, so I thought if I blogged I'd pull myself out of my funk.

Eighteen years ago, Shayne and I went to a RUSH concert together, we had one child, were broke, and had lawn seats. At the concert, he danced with me, and told me he loved me and was happy.

So Saturday night, we went to the RUSH concert, and we took all the kids with us. We had four children, we're broke still, and again had lawn seats. Then at the concert he danced with me and whispered in my ear that he loved me. I laughed when we were done, and said, "Shayne, do you realize we are now the OLD people here?" And we were the parents embarrassing, yet making out kids proud at the same time...it was a great feeling.

Ya know a friend of mine when I told her the story laughed about it. And at first I was impositioned, and it dawned on me that she didn't understand us, or my husband, and that was ok. Personally, at that moment, all the "good, bad, and ugly" set aside of the past 18 years (we all have it) I was grateful to my husband, my children, and God for giving me the life we have right now. I wished we had a "bigger bank account," and that I didn't need to fix a rim on the van, or worry about college, but that's life, and those are the things that we all have to deal with. So at this moment I am choosing to focus on those "moments" that touch my, and only my heart. Those are the memories I have to hold onto forever. I hope in 18 years, that Shayne and I are, not as broke LOL, but sitting in lawn seats with our children, their spouses, and their children watching a concert, and that maybe, just maybe I'll still be footing (at least able too) the bill for them all.

Over a Month since I blogged....

2010-02-26T07:53:00.003-05:00

where does time go? I mean today I woke up READY TO GO. I have been drowning in my life. No its not my husband, its not my kids, its me. Ya know some days I am so organized its like a fine tuned machine, then other days...holy shit its like from zero to a category 5 hurricane has been let loose....no not clutter or laundry, although they suck so bad. No, its me. So I have been struggling with who I am, who I want to be, what the hell happened? And here is what I have come up with:

I am some days just not happy. On any given day it can be I'm tired of being fat...make changes, I hate my hair...make changes. I don't like the laundry....do it, I don't like my kids...oh that's not allowed LOL but some days I do not like them. I get mad at Shayne cause I want him to understand, but after 40 years as a woman, I do realize that men just don't think or see things the same way we do. That is not to say they don't have their own struggles that we as women can't understand, cause they do. But right now I really need to focus on me.

I have to accept that like it or not I am not sure who I am or what I want. By that I mean, I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend, but is that all I am? Should I be something else? My friend ask me the other day "what are you gonna do?" Now we were talking about school and work, not that KD is in school, and goodness knows Shayne doesn't make enough for me to be a "Housewife of Virginia" ROFL, but I can accept that. What I can't accept is not knowing what I want to do. I mean at 40 years old 17 yrs out of the workforce (the odd and end jobs don't really amount to much over the years) I so don't want to go to McDonald's to flip burgers with the teenagers. Its ok too, I have accepted that, but my degree won't get me too far with the economy the way it is, I mean teaching jobs are getting cut everywhere. The dream of being a writer, well its a dream, and someday, maybe, just maybe I'll be able to find the strength to submit anything I have done...but not today. So I looked at the job market, researched schools, and realized (thank you my dear sister) that Nursing or Physical Therapy is the quickest way out of school with a degree that will move with us, and actually make a couple dollars more than minimum wage. So that is what I am doing. I have applied (and got accepted) to nursing school, and the plan is to start in the fall. At some point in the next 2 years, Shayne, Osten, and I will all be in college...OMG that sucks.

So now its time to focus on the short term "goals" or "problems" that I can fix immediately and see some changes. So this morning, I got up, got dressed (yes only shorts and slippers, but they aren't pajamas) and put on a bra and make up. Holy shit I look presentable, even did a few swipes with the curling iron to see that I really do need a hair cut LOL. I dwell on things that are really NOT issues, I forget the be the person I WANT to be. I guess that sometimes I find that its easier to fix the surface issues and not the underlying problems. So today (and hopefully tomorrow and the day after) I am on a mission. Just one thing at a time, and maybe just maybe changing/fixing one thing, will push me to fix the next one. I also have realized that no one can fix me, but me, and that the big issues I have will still be big tomorrow, but if I can "grab my boot straps" and start fixing some of the "small" things I will eventually find my way through the fog in my head. I WILL be the person I WANT to be, I just have to figure out who that is...and I didn't get to this place over night, so like my weight I won't fix it over night. If I can accept that, I can and will move forward.

Where is your "life journey" taking you, look inside of yourself today, and do an inventory....see, just see how you fair.

Pictures....

2010-01-22T08:29:00.004-05:00

Ya know today was ANOTHER eye opening moment in my life. I was looking to change my Facebook picture and realized that there are little to no pictures of me.

Well my first excuse was "its cause I'm always behind the camera." Which for the most part is true. But then I thought about the fact that I have this one friend who is always commenting on my smile and saying things like you look happy, and it forced me to look at the few shots I do have and I realized something.....yep I hate my picture taken. Its like dental surgery when I HAVE to have my picture taken, so I do that FORCED, or FAKE smile. Always makes me mad when my friend says what she says and it dawned on me that she's right. No one would know if I was happy in my pictures, because I NEVER get in them.

So now I am stuck with the thoughts that if, God forbid, I died tomorrow that my kids would have no pictures of me, and it made me sad. So I am on a mission...and its a big one:

I need to accept that like it or not I am currently not as pretty as I would like to be, and I am not skinny, but this is who I am (at this moment) so I need to embrace who I am and STOP being ASHAMED to get my picture taken. I guess in my mind if I am NOT in the picture then I dont' have to once again feel bad that the diet/exercise program I am on isn't moving as fast as I want it too. I am on the right path, but its not an overnight thing, so I will get in pictues with my kids, and my husband, and I will try to start loving myself more.

See I told you it was a BIG mission....but I'm a Navy wife I can do ANYTHING I set my mind too. I promise to post when I get some shots LOL.

If you could....

2010-01-13T11:48:00.003-05:00

....do anything in your life what would that be? I want that one DREAM, that you always saw yourself doing. Remember this dream could be a job, an activity/hobby, or anything. None of the stuff that enters our decision making realm can apply here. It is just the ONE thing you DREAMED of doing your whole life.

For me it was writing. I love to write, and it makes me happy when others read my stuff. However I am a big sissy when it comes to submitting anything to anyone. I'm safe here on my blogs, I can write what I think or feel or believe and readers can judge, but its still my blog. If I were to submit any of my writings OFFICIALLY, I stand the chance of being told "I suck" or better yet "keep your day job." Yep for me I wished I could find the inner strength to "Just do it" (thanks Nike for the line).

So tell me its a new year, a new decade and everyday is a new chance to be or do something else that we thought of or dreamed of....The sky is the limit for ALL of us.

Its time....

2010-01-03T18:13:00.004-05:00

2010 is here and it came in with such AMAZING moments. I spent it with my SIL and BIL in the snow in Ohio, and loved it. I also logged onto Facebook and found an email from a friend who went MIA from our family's life a while ago, and he is our older son's Godfather, so we've been trying to reconnect, and who was the email from...yep that friend.

Ya know God works in mysterious ways, and I'm ready to accept and not question as much as I have in the past. Today I spent a couple hours talking to my sister and its been months since we had a the time to really sit and talk.

I have scheduled my upcoming DR's appts, and I am finally taking hold of the thyroid issue. Yep I am hitting the ground running this year. There will be NO MORE DRAMA in my life, and if the people involved with that can't respect that I don't want it there, then maybe some (re) evaluation all the way around is needed...who knows.

I am NOT gonna be positive everyday, that's CRAZY to think I could be. However that being said I am gonna "stop and smell the roses" a little bit more. I love my life, but don't like everything in it, so what do we tell our kids "don't like it, then either deal with it, or make changes" so for me I will deal or make changes. I want to enjoy my life, I want to live IN the moment not FOR the moment. And I refuse this year to wish it away. I mean I spend so many days "waiting, and wishing" for the week-end or the next vacation day, or whatever, that I realized I am wishing my life away, and at 40 yrs old, that isn't a great idea anymore.

This last year:

a friend lost her husband, and a I am in awe of her beauty, determination, and strength, she is AMAZING.

I made a friend, or keeps me grounded and I keep her grounded at times....she is the epitimy of what a best friend would be if we labeled each other that....she and I found each other when dealing with something else in our lives.

I had a fight with my mom,

spoke to my grandparents for the 1st time in 5 years,

saw a new baby,

Lost friend who I had for years,

learned some HARD life lessons,

realized that being right and knowing it is way better than saying "I told you so" thats kind of bitchy LOL.

I renewed my wedding vows on an island with my husband

I applied for school

I watched my children struggle without their dad home again for 1/2 the year while he deployed, and we survived it all.

Life is exactly like Forest Gump says "its a box of chocolates" and this year I refuse to not enjoy each one. Happy 2010 my friends...I hope it finds you full of joy, love, happiness, and only good things.

2010.....

2009-12-29T05:33:00.000-05:00

In a few more days most of us will make New Years Resolutions...and a few weeks later we'll forget them. This year I challenge each of us to make a resolution that ENHANCES our lives not necessarily CHANGES it. So what will you do this year?

I have decided that this year I will

declutter the crap from my life (literally and figuratively)
eliminate the drama
accept that I can only control myself and not the world around me
smile a lot more than I did in 2009 (and don't be mistaken I did have many things to smile about)

I will also add the NORMAL resolutions to my list. And they include

exercise
diet
get healthier (yes at 40 I have a responsiblity to me, do watch out Doc here I come for those baselines and annuals YUCK)

As I look at this HUGE list and realize that more than one item on my list means a failure is probably likely. But ya know what this year instead of failing and walking away and tossing my hands up in the air, I am going to TRY, TRY, TRY again. Making a resolution doesn't mean I will accomplish it on the first try...heck if I had they wouldn't be on my list again this year would they? I want to quit being reactive in my life and start being proactive in the life I live.

Here it is....

2009-12-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

a few days before Christmas, and I find myself in awe. No not of the lights, and peace to mankind, or kindness, or even love. No I am in awe of the fact that there are truly people out there who believe that the Solar system MUST revolve around them. Now I do believe it is a PROVEN fact that it revolves around the sun, but I could be mistaken.

Anyway, some changes in my life over the past few months....

I am down (double digits) in weight....can't tell the TRUE amount as its a SURPRISE for my family next Thanksgiving when I see them all...I'm old its all I have for SHOCK value now LOL

I got a GREAT hair cut...its SHORTER...but not as short as years past.

I am taking a bit more interest in MYSELF. Ya know I have been blessed to be a SAHM for a really LONG time, and sort of got lost in that job, and forgot about me.

and finally (refer to previous paragraph) I can NOT change anyone, or anyone's behavior. I honestly can only control mine. A LONG time ago someone I love tons, told me "you let people hurt your feelings..control what you can and forget the rest" and I thought huh you have no idea what you are talking about...but guess what...they were 100% right....I can ONLY control me and how I feel...NO ONE else is going to do that.

Ok so its not A LOT of changes but it is something more than I have done in the past few years. I forgot or lost WHO I was, and who I AM...but I have a NEW lease on ME, and I am going full steam ahead. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. And for those of you out there who BELIEVE you are all that and a bag of chips...Good for you, but forgive me if I don't fall to my knees in admiration of your behavior...we can still be friends, but I gotta make life about me for a change.

Back to the Work Force.....

2009-11-14T06:48:00.000-05:00

.....Its OFFICIAL, I started applying for work. I have already stopped at the New Cracker Barrel, and Wal-mart (seasonal is all they offer right now, but still applied). I am gonna head out to Starbucks, and a few other places this week. I also am gonna apply to be a sub with the school system, since I do have a degree, even though its not teaching, at least I can sub. I do only want part-time right now since I still have to be available to get the kids to and from activities, and on and off the bus. But it will be kinda nice to get out with ADULTS again...been a long time for me.

For my SAHM friends, I know you wanna know why I'm going, and its for these reasons:

It was the agreement with hubby when the kids all went to school I'd go back

I am a crappy housekeeper so if I'm out there working, then it kind of null and voids SOME of the mess LOL

Finally I really want to see a paycheck...and minimal as it maybe in my own name.

Ya know Shayne has NEVER made an issue out of it and really hasn't yet, but I gotta get out there again, and I am scared...crazy I know, but its been a LONG, time since I have done this in the real world.

I also made a HUGE decision, I am going back to school....I so wished I had the strength to be a nurse then the job market would be a lot more lucrative for me and it would be a HUGE increase in pay for this household LOL but I am really scared to go do it....I don't think I can....but we'll see.

I never thought I'd be scared to go to work, but it feels like its been FOREVER since I have been out there, God give me the strength to do this.

It never ends...

2009-11-13T06:44:00.000-05:00

...ya know at 40...yes I am finally the big 40 LOL and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be 20 yrs ago LOL. Anyway, I will say I have found myself looking back over my life and there have been some really GREAT memories in my life....and I know I'm supposed to be THANKFUL for even the bad, but there are somethings I am so...so.....I don't even have the words to describe how shocked I am by some stuff.

Ya know I have made many WONDERFUL, and LIFE LONG friends. I will tell you that I have lost, forgotten and decided not to keep some people I THOUGHT were my friends, and there is always a reason for everything. In high school there was always the teenage drama, and the stealing of others boyfriends/girlfriends, and dates, and dances, and a few big fibs to parents about times/places....but all in all it was teenage stuff, and I BELIEVED we'd all grow up and none of that crap would exist anymore.

Well to my surprise, I have found that the drama and what not never goes away, it just turns into bigger, and usually stupider issues. I look as people and wonder why or even how they can stand all the crap swirling around them....then I realized, as much as I hate that CHAOS in my life, there are apparently some people who NEED/WANT/HAVE TO HAVE it in their lives to survive....makes me sad that the stress they must have associated with all that crap eats them alive, but I guess you can't help people who don't' want to be helped.

I am happy with my life...now don't get confused and think its all a bed of roses, it isn't , but I have found that remembering WHO and WHAT is truly important in your life helps eliminate the chaos and drama. Sometimes there are hard decisions that have to be made in order to get too or stay chaos free, but they are necessary decisions. I have accepted that I have a LOUD family, and we LOVE to eat, my house is not my dream home, but what I love on my budget, my cars, although I LOVE hubby's mustang, the mom mobile, well eventually it'll be something else LOL, and that my bills are paid, and we only have a little breathing room left, but some how that is truly more than enough for me. I once heard a rumor that someone said "oh she makes it like they are never suffering when she talks" and that person was right, I do, because we aren't suffering, yeah the 1st of the month SUCKS, but I know in two weeks I have some extra for a few dinners out.

So my first blog back after months isn't as Pollyanna as I would have liked it to be, but in a round-a-bout way its a THANKFUL kind of post...I mean I am thankful for my family, the friends I have close to me right now, and for all the material things I didn't think I ever wanted LOL. I am happy my husband fights for our country, and that he is home safe this year. I am thankful that my kids (aspergers and adhd included) are my kids, cause NO ONE else could raise them they way that we can....and no one would love them like we do.

Look around your life, and "declutter" it. If you have to have all the chaos to survive then its ok too, but remember its easier to smile in a clean home (life) than a dirty one. Happy November gang.

Today I realized

2009-08-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

.....that life is too short to lose your friends, to lose your dog, to lose your prespective on things. I know, I know, I'm almost 40 (OMG only a few more weeks LOL) and I should have known this already. I do, but occassionally life throws a curve ball at you, and you have to stop, take breath, and say "ahhhh."

Friends, oh how do you even blog about them without feeling a warmth come over you, and wonder how you have gotten thru your life to this point, and how you'll get thru the rest of your life if they aren't in it? Over the years many friends and I have come and gone, and I so wished that I could talk about everyone, but there are a few I wanna talk about today.

My husband....he is truly my best friend in the entire world. I can't breathe without him. When he leaves for a deployment, I kiss him, and hug him, cry, and then hold my breath till he comes home. He saved me from myself, I didn't realize how much I could love someone till I met him. He is everything that I never knew I needed in my world.

My sister, do I call her my friend or does she only get labeled my sister? I think she is my friend first, and my sister second. She isn't married to the military, but with her job might as well be LOL. She and I have so many DIFFERENT...yet the SAME opinions, about healthcare, and politics, and our family members, and our kids, and etc, etc, etc, that I don't know where, or how we ever agree, but we do, and she is truly one of the strongest, yet nerve wracking individuals I have ever in my life met. But sis I can tell you I NEVER wanna do this with out you.

My sister in law, Terri. Now the label "in-law" automatically makes you WONDER where my brain is LOL, but here's the deal she's the "in-law" in this family too, so neither of us actually fit in. First thing I found we had in common is the fact that our husband's family doesn't like EITHER of us....I don't know why, I mean I think we are both funny as hell. But apparently, she's a bit of a snob, and I'm really tactless....ooops....like us or hate us I say (they all choose the later LOL). None the less Terri has taught me things that I never knew could or would happen in life.....lets just say "in-laws" and "dog stickers on weapons" and shopping for Coach purses are things that we laugh about so hard we can't breath some days LOL. Thank you my dear SIL, I do love you tons.

My friend Aaron, he has come and gone from my life lots over the years, and we have fought on and off, and we will continue to fight on and off, and disagree, but I will tell you that he has and continues to touch my life. The other night, I was missing Shayne so much, and I saw Aaron was on, and shot him a note, and he immediately responded with the support I needed to find my strength again...thank you my dear friend I so needed it, and I did make it thru.

My friend Peggie, honey w/o you I don't know where I'd be some days. I know I can do it, and I know I will. But you truly have been a rock in my life for so many years now. Can you believe we met online, we send Christmas cards, and you send KD movies, and two women that have never met, found "something' that keeps us connected...and I'd like to say it is more than being military wives. Thank you Peggie for always, day or night being there for me.

My friend Amber. I met her about 4 years ago when we made our first PCS to NC. Who knew that we'd be in another state now and still talk everyday....sometimes SEVERAL times a day LOL. Amber and I are COMPLETELY different on our views, but we somehow found a common ground to meet and be friends on. I treasure the times we have had together and know that whatever the future holds for both of us that we'll always have each other to fall back on.

And finally my newest, yet should be an older, friend Emily. She and Amber have been BFF's for years before I came into the picture, and then we met, spoke, and then I busted on Amber every time she'd call me re: a situation, and I'd say "well what does Emily say?" Not like I really cared, I was just prying to see what the "BFF" said, since apparently I wasn't that person. So recently Amber has had some HUGE cliffs to climb in her life and her marriage, and Amber brought Emily and I together on the phone. Now we (Amber, Emily, and I) talk everyday, and we laugh. Emily is a mom, military wife, and the funniest person I think I have ever met. At first we talked out of worry, and looking for ways to help our friend. But one day we got on the phone and it was "no holds bar" laughing about kids, and husbands, and jobs, and the military, and pop tarts. Emily is going to Japan in a few months, and for most friends that would be hard on a relationship. But see Emily and I (although we've met in the past face to face) are phone friends, so it'll be ok for us. I get up early, she's the "knight rider" so we'll meet in the middle to chat. I am glad I met her, and thank God everyday for making me laugh.

And finally, my friend Donna. I'm not sure what God was thinking when he held her from my life till right now. But her husband is in the Navy, he's deployed right now, we have a lot of the same beliefs regarding PTA and kids, and love, and shopping, and currently cleaning...neither of us wanna do it LOL. Donna makes me smile, and although I wanna kick her ass for talking me into PTSA for ANOTHER whole year, I'm grateful for her friendship, and thankful for Starbucks and the laughs we share.

So there you have it a FEW of my "adult" friends in my life that help me get thru each and every day. I don't know where I'd be without any one of them. So today, as I watched my dog get sicker, and slowly get ready to die, I realized that I don't want to lose anyone of these people from my life, and I will work to keep my friendships close to my heart forever. Thank you gang for being in my life.

Funny moments

2009-07-25T13:35:00.000-04:00

Over the years I have many memories of "funny moments" they include my friends, my family, of course my sister, my kids and my husband. Today I was reading a friends "note" on Facebook about the "100 things your kids may Never know about" and as I glanced down the list, I found myself actually LAUGHING....not just a quiet smirk to myself, but actually LAUGHING OUT LOUD. My kids were like "mom what is it?" That in itself only made me laugh harder, cause now I KNEW I was gonna be explaining some things on the list.

First and foremost let me tell everyone (those who aren't on my FB page LOL) that my A/C broke on Wednesday (10 days before payday and its like 90+ degrees...it sucks). The kids have been so dramatic about it....."mom we don't want groceries we want air conditioning" LOL. So this lead into the discussion of how MOST of us didn't grow up with A/C until we were in High School (many moons ago) and that lead to the NO computers and NO cable, my God what did you do for fun conversations. I have truly NEVER laughed as hard as I did just watching their faces contort into shapes that looked like someone cut off their air supply.

So then I read this list and I'm LOL. The kids (hot as hell in this house) are standing over my shoulder reading along with me, and they were like "8 track tapes what the heck are those?" Now I just laughed. So I got online and sent the link to Shayne so that he could laugh too. I LOVE to realize how OLD I am, and I'm truly OK with truning 40 this year (at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it LOL), but some of the things on this list...OMG it was so sad to think about that the kids will NEVER know a walkman....or that they don't LIVE for cartoons on Saturday morning because Cartoon Network is on 24/7. Don't get me wrong I LOVE techenology, I mean take FB for example, I have reconnected with tons of long lost friends from my HS days, and I am so thankful for that....but boy NOT having all the EASY stuff made us work harder for things (I think). I mean NONE of us would have ever said "I'm bored" to our parents...we'd have already been outside playing.

So today I challenge each of you to read this post (thank you Peggie) and talk to your child, your love ones, or your friends and have a great laugh at what we all endured, and Maybe in 30+ more years we will see a list from our kids and can be in awe of how far the world has gone, and be a bit meloncoly about what it left behind.

Changes....

2009-07-20T06:04:00.000-04:00

....ya know it amazes me how life is ever changing, good and bad, its truly the example of a circle. Everything is intertwined, and cause and effect are certainly rampant in our lives. But sometimes we forget there are consequences to our decisions. So today I wanna talk about a friend of mine...who is awe inspiring at the moment.

See I have this friend who I have known for several years, and since the day I met her, she has had TROUBLES. Some days she would frustrate me to no end, because I am "older and wiser (meaning I have already done what she's doing)" and I would be my over bearing self and TRY to FIX or in some cases CONTROL the issues at hand. So over the years I have grown to accept that many and most of my suggestions would fall on deaf ears. Then one day in the not so distant past here, she was like "oh my God you were right." After a moment of two of "what the hell are you talking about?" It dawned on me, that she was finally regaining CONTROL of her OWN life. My support and advice, and lectures hadn't fallen on deaf ears, they were there all the time, she just needed to realize she was a STRONGER woman than she THOUGHT she was. She and I both realize the consequences associated with EITHER decision, and she's willing to WORK through those consequences.

Currently my friend is making CHANGES in her life, and she is STRUGGLING with the decisions she MIGHT have to make, but I have found that TRUE FRIENDSHIP no matter how often you FORGET is the change in our lives we need. My friend has a long road ahead and A LOT of changes (no matter which decision she makes) but I do know that I will be there for her every step of the way. My life changed the day I met my friend, and it will never be the same, and every day is a step in who knows what direction, but I do know I'm glad we're making so many memories together. So take a second today to tell that friend how much they mean to you. And my dear friend when you read this, know I SUPPORT whatever decision you make for YOUR LIFE, and I will gladly help you walk whatever path you choose....you are my friend....for life.

I am Woman hear me roar....

2009-07-15T16:43:00.000-04:00

....well hear me whine. My cat got sick, I gave up my hair coloring money (guess I'm on root patrol here at home awhile longer :( ) to fix my baby. But it got me thinking, since I became a mother I give up so much...and most of the time I am fine with it, but what I wanna know is if I ever get to spend on me w/o a laundry list of stuff the kids need/want/have to have? I mean do they out grow it EVER.

So I know the phrase about "once you a a mom, you're a mom for life" and I am so cool with that but OMG I wanna shop for me, or even for Shayne w/o worrying. Now that doesn't mean looking at a price tag, I'm ok with that too, I don't wanna be rich (well I mean I'd like too but I'm ok with my status in life at the moment LOL) but again I want to just shop w/o the back of my mind, saying "school supplies, school clothes, food, doctors money, etc etc etc" ya know what I mean?

So this is my mission for myself starting TODAY...I am gonna get SOMETHING for me...not anyone else in my darn household LOL, something...any great ideas gang? Put on those thinking caps and give me SOMETHING to shop for ME that won't make me feel guilty.

Free Speech....

2009-07-07T20:38:00.000-04:00

...yep we all have it here in this country. But today I found myself (as I have several days in the past years) not FEELING like I have Free Speech. I mean for example the Michael Jackson stuff today....now let me preface this by saying I believe he ALWAYS meant to do good when it didn't APPEAR that he was, I also believe he holds a BIG place in musical history, but I felt very sad with the spectacle that today became. I am also a registered Democrat, but don't ALWAYS support the party, and I believe that I can vote across party lines (Oh My GOD I know right) but there I said it. Also I sometimes listen to Rush and Hannity on the radio. And while I'm on the topic I deplore people who feel they should BASH others based on their PHYSICAL appearance.

So there it is, things I have been afraid to say, there are MANY, MANY, MANY more but I still believe if I say, type, or even THINK them that some people in this country will flip out. I mean when did it become a sin against society to say "I don't really believe in what the senate or the President is doing?" I mean am I NOT allowed to have that opinion? Wanna know one reason I don't say anything? Its because I am AFRAID of how my friends, family, and acquaintances will view me. For the love of God I am (ALMOST) a 40 year old woman and I'm afraid to say some POLITICAL things because people will get mad....well NEWS FLASH they will be mad regardless. So here I am typing this and still trying to be "PC" about the whole darn thing.

So I have the right to "free speech" but I'm NOT comfortable saying it. How do I change that feeling, and shouldn't I be able to explain my friends WHY I feel the way I do...as long as I am WILLING to LISTEN to their side? Well I think I should but I don't believe that other people feel that way....so I will continue being "PC" as to NOT to offend anyone, but please people out there who feel different than I do, know that my beliefs don't make me any less of the person you have grown to love and appreciate. And if appearance means everything to you in your life, then THERAPY is a really GREAT IDEA for you, since we are all INDIVIDUALS fat or thin.

Got Book?

2009-07-03T16:03:00.001-04:00

Ok, so this certainly wasn't my blog idea today, but I found it so inspiring when the boys and I sat down and started talking about it, that I had to utilize it here rather than on my Facebook notes as the instructions state. So Snowflake, my dear friend, thank you for giving me a topic that forced me to delve into the files in my mind. And when I came up short, I looked to my kids who reminded me what "WE" have read over the years in this house....and personally ANY topic that gets TEENAGERS talking to us that isn't video game related (LOL) I believe is a GREAT TOPIC. SO here we go.....

BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up? Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'X' after those you have read (some are series, so list which volumes you've read). Tag other Book Nerds.

So as I found myself scrolling my minds memories, I realized that there are SO MANY more that I would add to this list that I BELIEVE everyone should read.

How about:

Mya Angelou’s- I know why the caged bird sings

James Baldwin’s- Notes of a Native son

Flann O’brien’s- At swim two birds

Nathaniel Hawthorn’s- The scarlet Letter

Samuel Clemens’- Mark Twain

Miguel de Cervantes- Don Quixote

Alexandre Dumas- Man in an Iron Mask

Author Unknown- Beowulf

I know there are TONS more, but I can’t think of them right now darn it. Maybe we should start our own list LOL and see where we could go together.

Note: This isn't a contest! Just a cool way to see what your friends have been up to. So please feel free to add a book you think should be on here, or any comments you have. In this busy world we live in, I think LOTS of times we FORGET that there is a HUGE literary world out there waiting to "feed our minds."

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen [X]
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien [X]
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte [X]
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling [X]
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee [X]
6. The Bible [x]
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte[x]
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell [X]
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott [X]
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare [X] Not *all*, but enough to hold a conversation
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien [X]
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger [X]
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell [X]
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald [x]
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams [x]
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky[X]
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck [x]
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll [X]
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis [X]
34. Emma - Jane Austen [x]
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis [X]
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini [X]
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Berniere
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden [X]
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne [X]
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery [x]
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding [x]
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel [x]
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen[x]
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens [X]
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck [X]
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas [x]
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville [X]
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens [X]
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker [x]
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett [x]
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce [X]
76. The Inferno – Dante [x]
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens [X]
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker[X]
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White [X]
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom [X]
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle [x]
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad[X]
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams[x]
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas[x]
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare [X]
99.Charlie & the Chocolate Factory-Roald Dahl [X]
100.Les Miserables - Victor Hugo [X]

Going to be POSITIVE today...

2009-07-01T04:53:00.000-04:00

...since I left for Ohio a few weeks ago, I have found myself in a funk, that I can't seem to get out of, and I don't know why. So today I am going to do the things I have been AVOIDING....ya know cleaning GOOD, and cooking REAL food, and well getting back on the Wii Fit (yes I know Deanna I promised I'd keep at it but well food in the valley killed me LOL).

I just read a friends blog on Facebook and I am gonna link to it since it INSPIRED me to MOVE IT today. I have so much going for me in life, and although I HATE looking back at any past mistakes, I know sometimes we have too. But I few my past problems/issues/mistakes as the stepping stones that got me to this point in my life. I truly LOVE my life....now don't get me wrong I am NOT all Pollyanna that its PERFECT, its far from, I mean we have money issues and fights like everyone else, but I truly when I look at the GREAT things in my life I LOVE it. So although I like everyone reading this has past "baggage" we carry with us I BELIEVE that I have overcome it.

My husband (yes some days I wanna kill him LOL) is truly the man I have longed to be with FOREVER. He doesn't realize what a better person I am because of him, and he doesn't realize that his acceptance of who I am, for better or worse, is what inspires me to be a better person. I was not skinny but "normal" in high school, and never endured those "fat" comments that some girls endure, and for that I'm grateful...have no fear there were other things to make fun of. But when I got pregnant 16 years ago, I put on 110 lbs with my first son, and since then have not gotten all of it off. Understand its not for NOT trying as some people would like to say, I do try, and most to the time I succeed in getting 1/2 of it off, but OMG I am 40 years old and the thought of eating and living like that FOREVER gets kinda depressing.

I have found that the ONE thing in life I despise more than anything are "reformed" people. I mean I don't smoke but OMG those poor people who do have to hear NON-STOP from those who have quit. I am a fat girl (currently) and there is someone in my life who deplores FAT, and when I look back at their life I remember that they weren't always the "healthiest" LOL. But God love my sister and my husband who remind me that I am who I am, and loved for who I am...not who a "reformed" person is so condescending too. Sometimes I think if people would "mind their own business, and NOT be so damn "judgmental" on purpose or not, that the majority of the problems we face in life wouldn't be issues. And I am FAR from perfect, I mean I was raised in a small town, and had those beliefs that we all have that until you get out into the "real" world you can finally see the other side. I have become MORE accepting in my years, and I find it disheartening when I look at someone else who is so judgmental and cruel to people. I fear that someday that person is going to look around themselves and find they are alone with only vain, uncaring people, and that maybe they will finally realize what the LOST.

Life is an adventure and we can be POSITIVE or NEGATIVE....I chose to be POSITIVE today, and LISTEN and HEAR my husband, my sister, and my children who LOVE me so much for who I am NOT who some people THINK I should be, and for that I can't thank you all enough.

***as a side note on the off chance you are THAT person I reference in this blog...don't bother commenting, I don't care what you think anymore. I am always here for an email or phone call, but not to be the "fat" girl you can make fun of...I am BETTER than that, and because I am ACCEPTING of everyone, that makes me better than you, and that I can live with.****

Best Laid Plans....

2009-06-26T18:30:00.000-04:00

For weeks we have been planing a "pseudo" vacation to Ohio....not really a vacation but a working break from reality. See my SIL is moving in from WA state and my BIL isn't coming till they sell their house out there, so I took my "BIG" boys up to help her get the house set up.....well best laid plans....the moving van didn't show up on Monday. So they helped her with the two cars, and dragging in stuff she needed done, so we did get some things done for her, but not as much as we would have liked. We also stopped to visit our best friend (of the family) and had a blast....but time goes so fast. I did get to the ROGERS sale, and OMG how I miss it. We also ate Hot Dog Shoppe, and Italos, and Mary's pizza, and it was heaven. No place like the Ohio Valley makes pizza like that.

Finally the "issue" of our visit....as previously mentioned in an earlier blog, you all know that my in-laws haven't been getting along with us...well me at the moment since Shayne is gone. But it was Father's day and I felt the need to stop. Now I LOVE Shayne's dad, he truly is nonjudgmental...or at least appears that way. I was scared to death to walk in there, and my husband gave me a list of rules (which I did adhere too since they are his family...not mine as I've been told (by several of his relatives) over the years....I'm just married in LOL...go figure)....anyway, my FIL was very kind and I felt very "at ease" with him. My "best laid plans" here were to kind of mend fences with my MIL....well needless to say I left feeling worse on Sunday than I did when we left in April. Ya know I THINK I have accepted that she does truly hate me, and I can live with that. But once again, my kids felt bad. See I don't need ANYONE to tell me how GREAT my kids are, but once in a damn while it would be nice if she acted like she gave a crap about them. So the visit is OVER and I can guarantee that her unwillingness to be happy (or at least FAKE it, like I have LOTS over the years) just served to reinforce how I will NOT fix this mess....and I can. I mean after 17 years, Shayne would listen to me, and I could schmooze the mess over, and it would be ok, but guess what....I'm NOT. Now this may make me a crappy person, DIL, I don't care, I have given more than most DIL's would and I REFUSE to give anymore.

She once said to me that "she was old enough to say what she wanted and still be respected." Well I hated that then, but guess what I feel that way today. I will NEVER feel bad about her or her feelings again. See the "obligatory" side of my upbringing NEEDS me to fix this, but that "bitchy" side says NO. So today I have decided that unless my husband says "I HAVE too (which he NEVER would he knows better, when I stick my feet in the sand)" the kids and I have decided we OFFICIALLY will be at a HOTEL while he visits his family in the future, or they are more than welcome to come here....that HOME TURF advantage is all I have going for me. I have 5 people in my life who I would die for, and although one is gone at the moment, NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is going to make his wife, and kids feel bad again. So if any of the "in-laws" who hate me read this, here is my message to you: "Ball is in your court, you want to be involved...come on back, otherwise we'll be fine w/o you...sad, but fine."

Thanks my blog reading friends for letting me vent...it was necessary.

You have TWO Choices (disclaimer here)

2009-06-12T20:08:00.000-04:00

~DISCLAIMER~

I wrote this blog in December of last year on another site I belong too, and it got some NOT so happy responses from a few people. But today in looking over my life, I realized that this is such a GREAT post, that I needed to put it here to REMIND myself. So gang READ it, COMMENT on it, and then take a DEEP BREATH and THINK about it.

You have TWO Choices....

...in your life, and ONLY two. You can choose to be happy with your life and enjoy the adventure, or you can choose to be miserable. And before you say, "Well, no there are lots of other choices I have to make in my life." But that's not true, see every choice you make in your life falls in behind how you choose to approach your life.

So its your choice, and only yours....What choice are you gonna make. Today I am going to be HAPPY....I am going to enjoy my adventure that is my life.

Tomorrow is the LAST DAY....

2009-06-11T16:22:00.000-04:00

.....of SCHOOL for this year. I am filled with giddy excitement, knowing that I will have two a days for football, and a trip to Ohio, and my dear friends dogs, fish, and turtles to take care of for a month, but guess what I am now ALMOST a mom with ALL of the kids in school. In 10 weeks (give or take) I will wake all of them up and put all of them on the bus. No I am NOT wishing summer away, I am PRACTICING for that day next September when I DON'T wanna cry LOL.

So my plans this summer HOPEFULLY include a trip to the "theater" to see my darling husband who is deployed still. The plan is for me to go by myself (YEP NO KIDS) for about a week. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous about flying over the ocean, leaving my kids (cause as you know NO ONE can do what we do for our kids LOL), and well seeing hin sooner than I expected (won't have lost the whole amount of weight I wanted too). But to be w/o my kids for the first time since "the sperm met the egg" sixteen years ago, is so exciting.

Shayne and I work very hard to have an "us" in the middle of our "chaotic" life. Now we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all the running we do with and for the kids, but a LONG time ago we knew that Marriage (no matter how good it is) is a job that has to have effort, and love, and work put into it to make it grow. So we try to put more into it so when the kids are gone (yes I typed those words...I know they have to leave someday LOL) there will be something of US to enjoy.

So tomorrow begins a ROUGH countdown to my departure date (its gotta be approved yet) so as of tomorrow I will be 43 days from seeing my husband, exchanging our vows under the stars and moon on the beach...just us, and swimming in the clearest water (so he says) that we have ever seen. So come on this adventure with me, I promise we'll have fun TOGETHER, and we all know I'll NEED the support.

Retail therapy....

2009-06-06T18:56:00.000-04:00

.....credit card, checks, debit cards, cash oh my....credit card, check, debit card, cash Oh my. Now here's the thing...pay day is NEXT week. BUT (notice the caps LOL) I NEEDED some "retail therapy" today. So, thank you Shayne for having good credit and letting me have the credit card to order my Magellan GPS (for my trip to Ohio...now I won't get lost), and a CHEAP stop at Gamestop for the kids, and well a new pair of shorts because I need a SMALLER size (see man holding sign). And I came home with crystal lite, bottled water, and flavored water...no junk food. So all in all it was a THERAPUTIC day for NECESSARY things right?

Well not so sure Shayne would understand the whole RETAIL THERAPY thing, but um here's the best, he called to let me know he'd be going to midnights (long story there) and I hate it, but its life....anyway, he said "I NEEDED to get a new pair of running shoes." Now I'm sure he did, but guess what, I figure it was the FAMILY RETAIL THERAPY day so I'm cool with the whole thing LOL. Pay day is Friday I'll just send extra to the darn credit card LOL.

Now with regards to shopping, and MOST husbands hating it, I have found that my mom's life lessons of hanging it in the closet, removing the tags and throwing away any bag for proof. When they say "is that new" saying "this old thing" is usually the way to go. However if this is your mode of operation in hiding clothes, for the love of God DO NOT let your 5 yr old daughter see your clothes LOL or she TELLS. HOWEVER, there is the way around that just in case you are a newbie at this whole thing. Buy her a $3 Littlest Pet shop toy so she is FIXATED on that when dad says "what did ya all do today?" She'll say "oh mommy got me a pet shop dog" and I can get on the phone and say "it was $3 she worked so hard this week I thought I'd be nice." How does he begrudge his 5 yr old "ANGEL" the $3 toy? He can't...so now new clothes for mom are a DISTANT memory...SCORE you got away with it.

Now on the off chance he SEES the credit card statement, you cover this by bringing him home something he wanted/needs/ must have (beer/wine or any liquor also helps)....if he has something tangible in his hands then when he actually see the credit card bill...you can say "babe that was your new chain saw and that really expensive beer you liked so much." Now you know it didn't cost $300 but who cares...he can't yell because it's HIS chainsaw and beer LOL...again PROBLEM averted.

So I've given you a few options to "HIDE" your retail therapy. But you could be lucky enough (as I am at the moment) that he be "out of the country" and not able to pay bills ROFL. By the time he comes home the clothes will be OFFICIALLY OLD, and the ORIGINAL credit card bill will be LONG gone with SEVERAL, EXTRA payments posted LOL.

Have you "retail therapied" today? Have a great week-end gang.

Changes are....

2009-06-02T20:36:00.000-04:00

....inevitable. I know that we can't keep our little ones from growing up, or stop our big ones from getting any older, but someday I wished I could. This morning I dressed my youngest [baby] boy in dress pants, dress shirt, and tie to go to his kindergarten graduation. I remember every single moment of his life from the temperatures TRYING to get pregnant, to a dog bite in his face, to the dx of Aspergers and the uncertainty that he'd make it to 1st grade this year.

So today started out saying good by to my baby boy and hello to my big 1st grader. I am so very proud of how far Seth has come this year, and although I am nervous of some back stepping into his next adventure, I know now how to help him, and I think that as long as we stay focused, and understanding of his "special-ness" that he'll be ok, and so will I.

Now earlier I mentioned that I can't stop my big one from getting older, and I can't. We are ordering his Letterman jacket, and his class ring all w/in the next month, and he has to register with the NCAA on the off chance he plays football or wrestles in college...OMG college. But I walked into the auditorium at the high school tonight for what will likely be his last band concert of his life. Oh how I have enjoyed seeing him up on that stage, and having played low brass for a few years (in my past life LOL) I always hear his part above those woodwinds. But he is likely to drop band to get in a few more electives that will help him in college. I support it with a heavy heart, because one I don't want him to grow up so fast, and two I LOVED band, and I he plays so well that I just feel bad. But as the mom of a teenager I have learned that we can only STEER them in the direction we want, they still make their own decisions.

So today went from youngest to oldest with changes, and it was overwhelming a bit but I survived. I missed my husband seeing Seth today and I know he would have melted when he saw that handsome little boy of ours walk up and get the "most improved" student award, or when pomp and circumstance played, but I know he's way more prepared than I am for this. His words when I said graduation on Tuesday were "only 12 more years...so start preparing now we know it takes you a long time" LOL...and he's right.

But what I wanna know is if as mom's we are ever prepared for the "cutting of the apron strings?" Changes are inevitable and although variety is the "spice" of life, I'm occasionally all for being stagnant LOL.

Have a great night everyone.

Life Lessons....

2009-05-30T12:35:00.000-04:00

.....the other day my sister said "its only a life lesson if you learn something from it" and technically she's right. But then I thought about my life, and how MANY, MANY...well TOO many to count times I have had to relearn the "life lesson." Now does that mean I didn't learn it the first time, I'm really stupid, or does life change so much from year to year, month to month, day to day, or moment to moment that it may "TECHNICALLY" be the same life lesson but is it really? Circular writing here at the moment....but hang in there MAYBE it'll go somewhere before the end.

So lets assume that technically its the same life lesson, but all the players and locations have changed...doesn't that therefore make it a new life lesson? See my son's are given a lot of leeway when it comes to their "mental health" days from school. That's one of the benefits of being home, is I can work their day off into my schedule. But year after year (well not every year but you get the picture) here we are at the end of the year and they want a day off....well no can do, you already took your days off this year. So the pissing and moaning continues. I can say (another GREAT mom moment in my life BE KIND) during the first deployment (which I have already fessed up too that I did CRAPPY and so did the kids) Osten took on a whole new role for himself and our family...so I never said NO (never fear I have learned LOL) if he wanted a day off. It's 8th grade and he's already got classes scheduled for 9th and guess what the report card says "retained for attendance" OMG I almost crapped...where did I miscount, what the hell do I do now. Well luckily where we were ALLOWED him to work the 5 days after school let out from 8-2 (cleaning/stocking/ whatever they needed to close up shop) and he got his days counted and did pass. So should he have learned to not skip school or should I have learned or in the best case scenario should BOTH of us have learned?

Well here we are...another deployment, the end of the school year, and whiny kids. NONE of them can miss days (well they can a few but their grades are crappy this year so they CAN'T miss any days) but it got me wondering if EITHER of them learned one darn thing from the "retention" report card....or do I truly suck as mother? I mean WTH is wrong with me, other than the fact I like them home...um well 98% of the time LOL. But I did LEARN and I say NO go to school...be the state's problem for a few hours (not that they are truly problems but you see where I'm going). I just don't understand where their work ethic is? I mean their dad works like a dog and always has....he doesn't take time off work for and he has reported off exactly 2 times in 17 years...so I guess genes doesn't play a role in whether work ethics are ingrained LOL.

So here I sit with two kids who can do better than they have this year, work ethic ONLY applied to the things/classes or sports that they want to apply it too, and whining that they want a day off. So wanna know what life lesson I learned in this whole blog....

Take this straw, suck it up and go to school, get a darn diploma, go to college, get a job, and get a house of your own...and for the LOVE of God don't bring me home your laundry.

I am having this printed up on white t-shirts for all of us to purchase ROFL. Think our kids will ever learn the life lessons we already know or are the destine to just make the same darn mistakes we did?

My mom taught me.....

2009-05-29T12:59:00.000-04:00

....if you have nothing nice to say, then say NOTHING at all. Well that's the reason I have avoided blogging. I am having a hard time NOT being mean, or bitchy...or well just CRAZED. But let me back up and tell you way.... We are ORIGINALLY from "SMALL TOWN" Ohio, and things are WAY different there (all my Ohio friends and family are nodding) there is no way to explain it to you unless you have lived it. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Virginia and all it has to offer. But the other day I over heard my son's talking about "reverse discrimination" and their friends said this or that. Well most of the time I tend to IGNORE (good mom that I am) but this came on the heels of the new nomination to the Supreme Court, Sonia Sotomayor. Now here's the thing...this blog have NEVER been Republican or Democrat or whatever else you label yourself. I want to first state I am a registered Democrat, but I vote for who I BELIEVE is the best choice, I could care if they are a green alien with pink polka dots....if I BELIEVE they can do the best for our country that's how I vote.

But I digress, I was already perturbed when I heard this conversation, as the big BANNER news was 1st Latino nomination to the Supreme Court. That's what scrolled across the screen BEFORE her name came across. So I'm already stewing that this is the 1st thing they have to say? I mean how about Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's hat was just tossed into the ring. Why do I have to be told she's a woman (obvious when I see her picture) or that she's Latino. Please I am not minimizing any FIRST"S of anything...I am all for history making moments, but every damn time I turn around its a race issue. I could care if she's Latino (no disrespect to Latinos anywhere honest). For me, I'd rather hear about her record...not her "compelling life." Betcha we all have something compelling in our lives we could talk about...and trust me someone, somewhere would find our lives compelling. So I'm stewing about the darn media again. Then I hear the kids talking....now I'm good and pissed.

Racism as defined by Websters Dictionary is 1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2 : racial prejudice or discrimination. Racism is against EVERY PERSON regardless of COLOR or RELIGION. But my issue here is that REVERSE racism by definition would be NO RACISM...right? So now I feel the need to explain to the boys that Racism and Bigotry, and Sexism and whatever other -ism they can think of is just crappy and wrong. But that REVERSE RACISM isn't a true word in the way they were using it. And in the off chance someone questioned them about it, to 1. call me and 2. tell them that Websters Dictionary offers this definition when the words reverse racism is typed in The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.

So, now I have made the boys look at me like I have six heads, and I'm crazed (go figure LOL) and I'm still mad. I mean listen whether I voted for Obama or not isn't an issue but if I did it wouldn't be because he was black or wasn't black....I don't care what color any one's skin is...I want to know when (before I die maybe) will the media and individuals QUIT pointing out the "race issue." I believe that one person makes a difference, and I believe that we should all have the right to voice our opinions...and I'm all for that...BUT let me preface that by saying, I am a woman (lots of sexism still exists) and I am fat (lots of discrimination there) and I'm old (again lots of discrimination....ageism LOL). You're right I am not black or Latino and I can't understand the past other than what history books tell us, but I can tell you that I have found in the 40 years I have been alive, that bad, horrific stuff happens but if people don't find a way to mend and move on...not forget...I am NOT suggesting that at all....but to move FORWARD then we are no better off then things were when two water fountains were acceptable. I want...no, I NEED to make sure my children grow up as color blind as possible...but for the LOVE of God if the Media doesn't help us then how as parents can we do that?

So as my mom has always said "nothing nice to say, then don't say it" so goes this blog. You are more than welcome to voice you opinion, and I welcome it, BUT I can guarantee that I have the benefit of NOT having the comment on my page, IF you chose NOT to see ANOTHER point of view...doesn't mean you have to change yours...but an open dialogue is a start in ending racism once and for all. The past can NEVER (nor should it) be erased or changed, but the future is a BLANK slate, and together we can make is say what ever we want it to say. So be kind, and know that how we act today effects how our children will act in the years to come.

Happy Friday everyone.

Made a decision...

2009-05-25T19:05:00.000-04:00

....I tend to write a lot about my kids and husband, so today I decided (lots of back and forth first) to write about me. Ok, for those of you SCARED, then run...run very fast LOL. This year has been an odd year for me, we moved to another new state, we bought our first house (OMG do I miss ISSUES being the relator's problem LOL). I gained a few more pounds, on top of what I hadn't lost YET, and well Shayne deployed. So I find myself alone with the kids again (which is fine most of the time, but it does have its days).

Last time Shayne deployed I didn't make the BEST decisions...I did A LOT of RETAIL THERAPY, and a lot of drinking on the week-ends in my kitchen playing cards with my friends, and WAY too much crying and worrying. I PROMISED myself I was going to do better this time, and so far I have. The majority of money I have spent so far has been on home improvements, and thats good for the home (and our bank account LOL). But there is always that stumbling block of the weight which I NEVER seem to get over. I mean I am TRULY ready to get the past 16 yrs of weight off, but some days the thought is overwhelming.

So last week I made THE DECISION....to go back to Weight Watchers (its worked in the past for me) and what a wonderful thing to be accountable to someone else who doesn't know me...always is the challenge for me...and well weight loss is a mind game as well as a lifestyle change now isn't it?

So here I am 3 days into my "counting points" program AGAIN, and I am down 6 lbs already, on top of the 4 lbs from just the Wii Fit (which I am back into big time again...yea me). SO I am already down 10 lbs which should be GREAT, but if I'm not careful and stop looking at the GOOD in the -10 lbs then I am OVERWHELMED with the amount I WANT/NEED to lose. So here is the game plan this week. I am going to hold myself accountable to staying w/in my point range (Oh how I will miss those STARBUCKS coffees LOL) and EXERCISE every single day. And I will be accountable on here too. That way my dear friends in case you don't see an update on Twitter or Facebook that I exercised, can you drop me a "NASTY GRAM" to remind me that I WILL do this.

SO here it is, I make a decision, and still need help, I know that many of you aren't shocked because I tend to ask for help more than I ever have, but some of you who have never seen me ask for help...will be going...WTH is up....but I need the help and the support. I want off blood pressure meds, and I want to buy some swanky (is that the right word to use when you are almost 40 LOL) outfit to pick up Shayne at the airport when he gets home next Thanksgiving. Won't he be surprised?

My littlest boy...

2009-05-22T07:30:00.000-04:00

....for those of you who follow my blog or are my friends you know that our son Seth was dx with Asperger Syndrome last October. Its been a trying time in our house, with doctors appointments, and testing, and special appointments to help him, and us adapt to what his "normal" is. See most of us have our own view of "normal" and Seth has taught us that sometimes that view isn't all its cracked up to be, and that looking "outside the box" truly can make us better people.

Asperger children are unique in lots of ways, and amongst themselves. Most of the time they have traits that are similar, but no two Asperger children are the same, so although we have a support system, the Aspie parents we know don't have all the problems we have and we don't have all they face. It makes life one of those ROLLER COASTERS that you can't get off of, but LOVE to ride.

Seth is extremely "literal" when he talks to us. Now that means that sometimes his "fixations" (which are also normal with Aspie children) at the moment dominate our conversations. As parents we tell our children we love you forever, or to the moon and back again...ya know there's a ton of examples, and its what we are comfortable saying. So in helping Seth adapt over the years we would say things like you know "mommy and daddy love you forever?" And he'd say yes, and it would force him to "think" about it. Then in true "mommy" form I'd say "do you love me?" Answer yes, which led to the "how much" question. These type of questions encourage Seth to focus on the question AND the answer. Now Seth, God love him, as always responded back with things like I love you "2 days" then it was "100 days" then up to "200 days" and since his focus was numbers not time we just would say OMG I love you 100 days too. But this morning he said to me "mom I love you forever and ever." I almost cried, well I did cry just not in front of him.

Seth has taught us many things over the past 6 years of our lives (even before we know how "SPECIAL" he is)....and the one thing I know in my heart is that he has made us better people, and a better family. Ya know everyone says "life is so short, don't waste it." And that's true, we do need to focus on what's important and the things that we love, but today I want to focus on the fact my son loves me "FOREVER and EVER" just in case he never says that to me again, I want to remember how I feel today at this exact time in my life...and I want to LOVE it.

Happy Friday everyone...Hope that Memorial Day finds you all with nice weather and lots of family around you.

Wednesdays.....

2009-05-20T16:40:00.000-04:00

....many of you already know I hate Wednesdays. I actually hate them more than most people hate Monday's. Now there are a number of reasons...among them are the fact that every single Wednesday during the school year STINKS. I always have kids late for school, or missing the bus, no clean clothes, except for LOST the TV schedule isn't the best, its ONLY half way thru the week...there is still half to go, and finally for me Murphy's Law seems to apply every Wednesday. And while I'm at it, any day called "HUMP day" is just kinda gross in itself LOL.

So here it is ANOTHER Wednesday for me. I was already blah, but add to it my oldest who has a STUNNING 64% in Geometry (has to pass it to move on) he had his SOL (his proficiency here in VA) which, believe it or not he SWEARS he studied for...guess we'll see. But then I have all 4 of them with colds, hacking, sneezing, snotting everywhere....I'm sick and thanks to my "fat butt and High Blood Pressure pills" I can take hardly NOTHING to make me feel better, add to it a trip to the emergency room. OMG you are feeling for me now aren't you LOL?

So Mack heads to football conditioning last night and he did hurt his hand, but being the EXCELLENT (NOT) mother that I am I said take some ibuprofen, use ice and go to bed, we'll deal with it in the AM if its not better...guess what NOT better. Called Dr said "better safe than sorry...take him to ER." Now nothing against ER's I think they are fine places with fairly BRAVE and PATIENT staff, but OMG what a waste of a day (or night) any time you go. We spent...wait for it.....4.5 hrs to find out....oh yes its only a bad sprain and deep muscle bruise. Well NO shit I knew that but had to go, because kid wincing in pain 1k a times a day every time he moved it.

So, now I'm home, looking at my pool (yes the pool from hell LOL) and its off by like 4 squares on one side...thank you Virginia rain...I've so appreciated all the mud and crap washing down my drive and walk ways. But I wait its 73 degrees and my kids...yes the ones with colds are in the freezing water. Now I could be the adult and go out and say "get the hell out its too cold" but um why? They are already sick, I do have health insurance for another AMAZINGLY, FUN FILLED ER visit if necessary, so let them yell it out by the neighbors house LOL (yeah I suck today but oh well LOL).

So gang tell me your LEAST favorite day of the week, and we can compare notes. thank goodness in about 7 hrs from now its officially Thursday.

Movie, Tears, and My son (spolier alert)

2009-05-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

....title caught your eye didn't it LOL. Today on "ON DEMAND" we rented Marley and Me, and KD and I watched it. I of course cried at the end but I cry at commercials. So Mack comes home and KD was like you have to watch the movie. So after some teeth pulling he agreed.

Stop, back up and let me give you a prologue here. We have a 2 yr old black lab named "Max", and she is HUGE LOL. She chews up stuff, and occasionally pees on my floor, and eats EVERYTHING in site, but Max like Marley thinks she's small and IN CONTROL. So we saw A LOT of parallels between the movie and our lives. WE have been talking about finding Max a new home, she is a LOVABLE nuisance but many days I wanna just open the darn door and ship them out (yes there was that scene in the movie too...so guess I'm NORMAL). So that brings us back to the beginning of today and the battle royal to make Mack watch the movie with KD.

I pulled out of the drive way to go get Osten from lifting/conditioning and they were all sitting here with mouths hung open watching the movie. I came home about 90 minutes later and see Mack...looking a bit sad, but asking if he was ok, was about all I did (yeah crappy mother I know but he's a teenager so I try not to pry anymore than necessary sometimes LOL). So they are at the END scenes in the movie and I look over and see tears rolling down his face as Marley (SPOILER ALERT) is put to sleep.

I felt my heart just melt, I mean I hate to see my kids cry, ever, but to know that a movie with love for a dog in a family touched my son's heart like that made me so proud of the young man he is today. I always knew he'd grow up to be loving, kind, and generous, but today I realized that he has already become that man. What a great moment for me as a mom to know he's as wonderful at I KNEW he would be.

If you haven't seen this movie, then rent it and watch it. It was truly an amazing movie, and my kids loved it, sad but moving at the same time.

End of the year....

2009-05-17T20:26:00.000-04:00

...yes I do know it is only May LOL but I am thinking about the end of the school year. I look forward so much to it being over, but about 3 weeks in I'm ready for them to hit the bricks back LOL. However my Osten and Mack will be heading back and forth to the high school Monday-Friday every day this summer (for conditioning either one or two times a day) until August 1st when football season OFFICIALLY kicks off. So no real "summer break" for this family but it will be nice not to have that "morning routine from hell" that we have all year.

So anyway, I digress from my thoughts...go figure LOL. Anyway, it dawned on me today that in another few weeks I will have a junior in high school. I can't believe one I am actually OLD enough to have a junior in high school and two that he is old enough to be a junior in high school, but he is/will be sooner than I think.

Life goes so fast, and truly, if you don't grab hold and hang on, you miss it. I am so grateful that I have had the time with Osten that I have, I mean everyday he is one day closer to being his own man, and heading off to college, where I won't be there to remind him to pack water in his lunch LOL....or say did you pack your gym clothes, and get your damn math homework. But I do believe that Shayne and I have raised him to be his own man, he just doesn't know it yet...but he will.

I love being a mom, but on days where I think about the "end" of one thing and the "beginning" of something new, life scares the hell out of me. I miss him being a little boy and NEEDING me, but I am so PROUD of the man he has become. I hope that deep inside he knows how very, very much he is loved. Next fall will begin the adventure of the SAT's, college applications, class ring, Letterman jacket, and ring dance, as well as whatever else it entails. I am looking forward to sharing every moment he will allow me to share with him.

If you didn't take a moment to look over your life this week-end and appreciate any or all of it, then tonight or tomorrow morning before the week gets so hectic you can't breathe, just step out of your shoes, and love the moments you have with your loved ones. Life is too short to miss any more than you already have.

The "POOL"

2009-05-15T19:25:00.000-04:00

Ok, I FINALLY did it...I invested more than $60 in a pool for summer...it was a STELLAR deal (How'd you like that word Preston LOL). Now I told Shayne I was getting it in June when they got out of school and I told him it was gonna be a size smaller than this one, but guess what for $70 more I got a MUCH bigger one, and its not one of those darn BLADDER POOLS...been there done that.

So I got the pool at 6:30 am before the kids left, and guess what it is finally JUST FILLING up NOW. Now you know I had to clean the house, feed KD, scrub up the floor where my damn dog decided she should pee right in front of my "fat butt" (I was walking to the door) for God sakes she is 2 yrs old ...."TIME TO STOP PEEING on the DAMN FLOOR." Every time she does it I swear to all things HOLY that she is gone when it happens again....but guess what she's still HERE...but only till she does it the NEXT time LOL.

Lets see
got pool (check),
cleaned house (check),
set up pool (check),
picked up kids from schools (check)
Listened to KD make me NUTSO about "is it ready yet, is it ready yet" (CHECK, CHECK, CHECK),
and for the love of God I just realized my kids haven't eaten dinner yet...so PAPA Johns will be delivering (sorry Shayner...in my jammies already LOL)

Now that list looks like a heck of a lot less than I actually did, but as I put the hose in the POOL from HELL today, I of course had to pee...did I tell you that I was INSIDE the thing...oh yeah, my dear friend said...get in push out the wrinkles...yeah that was easy..."HEY Amber my ASS is HUGE...ladder not made for a SMOOTH entrance into an EMPTY pool" LOL. OH and did I tell you that the EMPTY area in my yard that is so HUGE would be PERFECT for a pool....but as you can see from the above photo...the darn pool is GINORMOUS....bet the neighbor is gonna be happy I'm fat and don't wear a THONG as I saunter my big butt up the ladder till next month LOL. But here I am I SURVIVED.

And in the midst of all the yelling at the kids to wait, and get that pool, and NO not that way crap that went on today, my little ones came down stairs and said "thank you for our pool mom you ROCK," and they had to make a video for dad to say thank you too, so guess it was all worth it, but man am I gonna be sore tomorrow.

How do I....

2009-05-14T21:14:00.000-04:00

....do everything in life I HAVE to do? I mean today for example every one of the kids needed me to be some place else, and two of 'em at the same darn time on separate sides of town. Now most days I am grateful that they NEED me or WANT to spend time with me, but OMG I just want SOMEONE...I don't even care who to watch the kids, and tote their butts where ever and when ever they need to be someplace...and while that person is here, could they grocery shop, mop the floor, do the laundry, cook dinner, and take care of dishes, bed making, vacuuming, paying the bills, and well whatever else you can think of to add to this list LOL.

I believe that MOTHERS are truly special people, but tonight, I am so TIRED, I could cry...not cause I HAVE to do it all (especially right now) but just because some days there isn't enough time in any one day to get every thing I HAVE to get done, DONE.

I think that today I am wishing Will Smith would bring me one of those great I-Robots to help out LOL. So tonight I want to know HOW YOU DO IT? I don't care what it is you do...work, go to school, raise kids, raise your husband LOL, whatever it is you do that HAS to be done in your life. How do you juggle it all? Come on gang....WORDS of ADVICE...lets go, I know that between you all that there is an answer to this.

Kindergarten Registration....

2009-05-13T14:28:00.000-04:00

....well today was the day, I OFFICIALLY registered KD in school for next year. My friend Amber insists this was tough on me, but it wasn't as hard as sending Seth last year. Maybe as a mom, someplace deep inside I knew Seth had issues, so I worried about him. When we got the Aspergers diagnosis, it put all of my life into prospective. So today I took all my paper work, my request for KD to have Seth's teacher (cause she's my hero), and registered her.

I am sure next fall when the bus rolls up to get them both I feel a pang of "something" my bet with Amber is that it WON'T be tears or sadness, but when I hung up with her I thought, that any sadness I feel will only be because Shayne will have missed that day, and thats why we had more children, cause with our first two, he was in school full time, working full time, and there wasn't time to watch the first bus ride, or empty the book bag when they walk in. So yes on that day in September I will feel sadness for what he misses...me however, I'm gonna take a deep breath, thank God I didn't kill her before that moment LOL, and then go to Starbucks for a coffee, biscotti, a good book and a job application...cause as many of you know it is my FAVORITE place on Earth.

My baby girl, who I waited my whole life on is a GIANT PAIN in the ASS, but she is ready, and I know that. So Amber you owe me a Starbucks card in September...be ready, maybe we'll just meet 1/2 way for breakfast LOL.

Infomercials

2009-05-12T08:57:00.000-04:00

When did that even become a real word? OH well for those of us who are a bit insomniac ridden we LOVE them. But many times they raise OTHER questions...like does that really work? And how about I could afford that its only 3 monthly payments LOL. But this now leads me to MY questions for today....

1. What "as seen on TV" products have you tried?
2. Which do you want to try?
and finally
3. Did any of them work?

I have tried a few, and my favorite so far is Mighty Putty...it fixes almost everything I have used it on. I actually had a leak under my sink I fixed it with weeks ago, and its working STILL.

OK how about the Sauna Belt? Now it works great as a heating pad at night, but it didn't really lose any REAL inches, and after awhile it actually burns your darn skin.

Finally...this is my LEAST favorite one too is the ab roller and the ab roller wheel. Yeah they MIGHT work if the one didn't pull every muscle in your lower back and the other one...well lets just say a heavy girl pushing a wheel on the floor makes ya feel like an OVER SIZED wheel barrow, so pushing myself to do it...NOT happening LOL.

Now my favorite thing about infomercials is there is always that in bold statement that says "NOT AVAILABLE in STORES" LOL now let me say every last one of these items is in stores...usually at Wal-Mart up by the registers...you know the IMPULSE shopping row right at check out LOL. And I certainly didn't pay FULL price for any of them THANK YOU Wally world.

Now the downfall to shopping in the store for them is there are none of those PILES of packages waiting outside your front door...which is always great...I mean a gift for yourself that you paid for but What the heck ever at least its not a bill LOL.

Ok gang lets see what you can offer me here...maybe there is something out there I have missed and want to try...fess up to the great buys, or really bad ones.

The Bucket List

2009-05-11T15:10:00.000-04:00

Now I've seen the movie before, so today when it came on, I was watching, and cleaning...ya know, not paying attention 100%, when I heard the scene where Carter (Morgan Freeman) and Edward (Jack Nicholson) are sitting on top of a pyramid in Egypt and they are talking about how "long ago Egyptians believed that when you died you went to Heaven and they asked two questions of you

1. Did your find JOY in your life?
and
2. Did your life bring JOY to others?

So Edward answers the first one and then says "you'd have to ask other people if I brought JOY to their lives, I haven't really concerned myself with how other people felt."

So I thought about this for awhile, and then I decided to answer myself. And this is what I have decided....that yes, I have found JOY in my life, with my children and my husband, and my family. As to whether I have brought JOY to others lives? Well in my heart I believe I have but in my head I'm not sure. I mean saying YES definitively kinda seems "self-centered" and I am not that, but saying NO wouldn't be true I do BELIEVE over the years that I have touched peoples life and hopefully brought them some JOY.

So my CHALLENGE to you would be to ask yourself these two questions, and please comment and let me know how you fair with your answers. If you haven't found the JOY, then DO IT...and DO IT NOW before it ends up on your BUCKET LIST. Life is too short to wait.

Guess what someone said

2009-05-06T13:54:00.000-04:00

to me? My sister-in-law Terri told me today that I was someone to be admired...that I made being a SAHM of 4 kids look easy, that I am a good mom. Now of course I did the "what the heck ever" but when I hung up I started thinking. A long time ago, my mom had a friend, (a bit younger and still single but in a serious relationship) who said that my mom always made being a wife, mother, nurse, and hostess look easy, and I used to think OMG its not. I always wanted to be half the woman my mother is, even if when I was younger I didn't realize how wonderful she is.

So today, as I heard someone say that to me, I was kinda taken a back. Oh my gosh, did I actually become a good mother, and wife? I mean is it possible I became my mother, someone who I look up too in so many ways? I can only hope so. My mother is a great woman, with more potential than even she realizes. She has helped me grow into the woman that I am, and I can only hope as I look at my daughter today that she will love me as much as I love my mother.

Tag you're it...

2009-04-21T12:06:00.001-04:00

well this past week-end my little ones played for HOURS outside and tag was the game. Gosh do they make me smile...even on really bad days they just ROCK.

Today is Shayne's birthday and I suddenly felt like "I was it" when the phone rang and it was his mom. Remember we haven't talked to them for 3 weeks or so, and I almost didn't answer it, but I knew in my heart it was wrong not too, I mean he is her son, and I wanted her to know he is ok. So I did talk to her for about 10 minutes...and I will tell Shayne everything that was said so I HOPEFULLY can't be the BAD GUY. And yes, the most upsetting part for her isn't that she hasn't spoken to her son in weeks or that he is hurt, but its that I "yelled" at her and "put my finger up" Now let me say I did RAISE my voice, because the tears were LOUD and I was trying to make my point that "I couldn't fix it." The finger thing, I don't tend to do that, so I'm not sure where that came from, but here's the deal, I was taking care of my little ones who were all the sudden witness to drama we keep out of their life, so at 70 yrs old and a mother of four too, if she can't respect that it wasn't directed at her, it was the situation, then I can't fix that....nor am I gonna try.

I am 40 years old this year, and I am good wife, and good mother, and whether she believes it or not I am a good daughter-in-law. I talk to other DIL's all the time who are like "why would you do that...why would you put up with that" and it comes down to the fact that I just believe I should respect my husbands family. But "of course" I did something wrong again with them...although for the RECORD this was ALL HIM. I am NOT gonna keep playing this game. I truly believe people can either like me or not, the sun is still gonna come up tomorrow. I will miss chatting with her cause on several occassions she was a wonderful sounding board....but I can't take the game any more.

Ya know what I am sorry her feelings are hurt, but here's the thing, mine have been hurt for 17 years by the situation that has been going on, and you know what as my husband said 3 weeks ago, "I have 5 people to worry about and we defend each other." So thats my new mauntra for my life....its the circle of five for us, we take care, love, miss, and defend to the end each other. I will do what I am supposed too and answer any call she makes (not that one SIL though...I can't do it...she was WAY too RUDE to my husband), and if anything comes up that I think she needs to know I will let her know. Otherwise, I don't wanna be "IT" I figure its her turn to make this relationship work...not mine.

I will NEVER be disrespectful to them but I will NEVER again put my heart, my kids hearts, or my husbands out there, she'll have to find a common ground with us from now on. So my dear MIL "tag you're it."

So much changes

2009-04-19T09:54:00.000-04:00

....in a week's time. Now although our in-laws still haven't talked to us (and I feel bad about it...but DH said "DON'T CALL" so out of respect for him, I can't call). I do miss talking to her, but as with anything it will work itself out I hope.

Last week we were hunting for eggs, and I was holding back tears while Shayne packed his last few items to head out for another deployment. And we've been lucky this week to chat everyday. Funny you get used to that nightly phone call....knowing in the back of your mind that it WILL end, and now that we are to the point the calls will be "less" I am sad. I know that today's military is luckier to be able to have the technology to email and call more often than my grandparents, but boy its still tough.

I have a friend who has started up an organization that I truly BELIEVE in, and I hope that you all check it out. Next month my family will be the "spot light" military family, and I'm pretty excited, yet nervous to put it all in writing....but challenges are meant to be faced.

I hope that Spring weather has hit where you all live, its been beautiful here this week-end and OMGosh how much the kids have LOVED it. Spring break ends tomorrow for the kids, and although its bittersweet that it'll be quiet here, OMGosh I'm so glad it will be quiet LOL and I can get back to some sort of "normalcy"

Happy Sunday everyone.

Been a TOUGH week

2009-04-12T18:28:00.000-04:00

we went home to our hometown to see DH's family, and some how he felt the need to "talk" about things that have upset him over the years. Now I'm not gonna spread dirty laundry all over the web, but I am amazed at what happened. I mean one minute everything SEEMED fine, then he and SIL had words, then he's leaving with us in tow.

Now the dilemma here is that I TRULY had nothing to do with any of this "mess" but somehow it will be my fault, you are guaranteed. Usually I am the one doing the "just deal with it its only a short time" ya know those lines. But this time I was tired, stressed and well just done with it all and looked at him and said "for God sakes don't bitch at me about it, I can't change it." Oops guess that could make it my fault, but OMG he's 38 yrs old if he wants to be mad at his sister than he can right?

Well no one has called and he left today for a 212 day deployment, and I can't decided if I'm happier there were no more "issues" before he left or that I am mad because they didn't have the decency to "check in" on him to say good-bye. Not that I can change any of this, but I can tell you that he was AMAZING today when he left (see Missing you blog)

I will be writing a LOT more over the next few months so please check out my blogs gang. Have a Happy Easter everyone.

Finally are you ready for some football....

2009-03-28T16:18:00.000-04:00

I know it might seem early but guess what for a family that is die hard football lovers its never too early LOL. Mack's middle school started intramural football this year, and OMG its great. Mack is 5'11' and is 300 lbs at 13 yrs old in 7th grade....are ya all saying college scholarship (well maybe not yet, but fingers crossed).

Mack has played ball before and was sad he couldn't play after our last move so when we got here and they said football was starting he's been so excited. The team did amazing. He has a friend who is also a 7th grader who is 6'2" 295 lbs and a beast on the field. Mack makes us so proud that he is a team leader and did excellent. He missed only one tackle last night. I think as the season goes on and he drops a few more lbs he'll be ready for JV football next year (here in VA 8th graders can play on the JV football team in HS).

So next year I will have a Varsity and JV linemen. That two ball games a week and practice every night with Shayne gone...holy cow. I know we can do it, but I feel bad for the boys that Shayne will be gone, but it'll be fun to keep him updated and overwhelmed with pictures LOL.

Keep check in gang, and I'll keep you updated on how fast these kids grow this year.

I am so MAD

2009-03-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

First let me say I did not vote for Obama, and if that makes everyone mad, then don't read my blog today. Second, President of the United States is SUPPOSED to be an office of HONOR (yes, I know there is Clinton and Nixon...but NONE the less HONOR). The President represents the entire country, and his behavior last night on Jay Leno is not just a gaffe to be discussed on television. Its a direct slam to the progress the Special Olympics have made over the years....and to every disabled person out there.

I have a son who was recently dx with Asperger Syndrome (high functioning autism), and I am struggling everyday with the fact his NORMAL isn't societies NORMAL. Ya know for example my two older boys were on wrestling teams and football teams by 6 years old, and my baby boy isn't to that level to even consider something like that. It seems trivial in the overall scheme of things, but some days its hard to know that people will make fun of him or be mean. And last night the President of the United States just proved that my worst fears will come true. How dare a man who worked so hard to get where he has, and overcome that mountains he had too, and to get America to make history and vote in the first African American President, then to make some off the cuff remark about Special Olympics.

Now before you all flip out, know that I'm not naive and a joke is a joke, but as a mom I'm offended, as an American I am repulsed, and my fear is that if he can just say it so quick and w/o thinking then he better use the teleprompter more and what type of person is he REALLY if he just has that type of analogy about things.

I am ashamed of the fact that my son's school has to have Disability Awareness week to create acceptance, and our President just in one fail swoop set this back tons. He needs to stop campaigning, and being a talk show celebrity and get his ass back to Washington and fix SOMETHING.

Now what song is it?

2009-03-03T10:30:00.001-05:00

Nope this isn't some mushy "our" song blog. Its about me wanting to kick his butt. See my dear husband is a die hard youtube addict LOL. The other day I was READING the news...yes, reading....we have a game he youtubes, and I turn on the closed captioning and read whatever I wanna watch...it's like time together doing what each of us wants LOL.

None the less, he was playing this song, called Penny on the Floor, and I wasn't paying attention...but apparently my subconscious was since today I was humming it...and I didn't have any darn idea WTH the song was.

I finally figured it out, and looked up the lyrics and now I know the song. I will leave a penny on the floor when he leaves till he comes back. Now what song is buzzing in your head today? Bet you find yourself humming Penny on the Floor before day is out.

Have a great day...spending more time with Shayne before he goes.

I am OFFICIALLY OLD

2009-02-23T04:34:00.000-05:00

I was up in the middle of the night (damn insomnia LOL) and on comes a commercial for the "Silver Care Plan" and the commercial goes on to say "if you were born between 1924 and 1969 call now yadda, yadda, yadda."

So I sat for a minute and all the sudden light dawned on me that OMG I was part of that group now. I actually qualify for the "Silver Care Plan" holy cow, when did I get old enough for that?

It was a big dose of "move it or lose it sister" so I got up...since I was up anyway LOL and cleaned up the whole downstairs. Now I am sure I will be butt tired at KD's nap time but at least my house will be cleaned.

I do believe in the adage of "you are only as old as you feel." And I don't feel OLD per say, but holy cow in less than 8 months I will officially be 40 years old....whew remember when that seemed old to us LOL. Well I am NOT gonna behave like an OLD woman, I am getting in shape, and getting stuff done...just hang on for the ride gang.

Where does the time go?

2009-02-17T10:53:00.001-05:00

I know as mothers we ask ourselves that all the time...but this week there was another moment where I actually had to stop and catch my breath. The high school coach wants my middle schooler to start lifting with the JV team because here in Virginia 8th graders play JV ball at the high school. He is a big boy and has played for lots of years (not the last 3 since they didn't have MS ball in NC or here in VA) but he's ready to get back into it.

Mack is a great kid, and I feel bad that this year the first year he'll be back on the football field with a sport in common with his dad, that Shayne will be deploying and missing the whole darn season. But some how I know it will be ok, and he will work his tail off. I remember the first time he walked on a football field, a nice boy who was older than him named John pushed him over (both linemen LOL) and when Mack got up he got in the car and said "mom that John boy is mean he knocked, me over and didn't say he was sorry." We all just laughed and explained it to him....so this week when I saw him walking into the weight room with his older brother my heart melted. They are truly amazing kids and I so proud to be their mother.

I will be posting pictures and updated here so we can share the ups and down while Shayne is gone, so hope you all don't mind some extra "mom moments" the next few months.

Update on life here...

2009-02-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

Well as we adapt to a new state and its weather, and bugs, and well new obligations, I can tell you its been one heck of a ride on this roller coaster of life. Lots of good, and not so good, never bad.

The kids are doing AMAZINGLY at their new schools,and our youngest was dx with Asperger Syndrome, so we are viewing that as a change for the better...even though it has its days. KD will head to school next fall, and Shayne will deploy again this spring....if you'd like to follow that ride, please feel free to check out my Missing You blog to keep updated on that adventure.

Last year I tried to be POSITIVE all the time, and I fell very short some days, some weeks, even some months. But I can tell you that I did learn a lot about myself, and about my life. I know (as everyone does) that life is what you make of it....and you get only as much out of it as you put into it. That being said, I am ok...I am proud of me. That doesn't mean I don't want to make changes, but I'm good.

This year's journey on this blog will be devoted to "things" and "changes" about the kids, myself, and our life. Once again I will try to find the "smile" or something "positive" in all of it. I want to finish a book I started a few years ago, I am going to lose some of this weight...not all of it that would be unrealistic, but some of it. I am also going to be starting a blog list (to keep me accountable) of "101 things I want to do in 1001 days"...so check for that update, and as always, please feel free to ask anything, and touch base, as I can use all the chatting I can find on here.

Inaugration Day 2009

2009-01-20T16:53:00.000-05:00

Ok I wasn't gonna post because I don't wanna get bashed. I have voted every year since I was 18. I had a history teacher who once told us "if you don't vote, you don't have any right to bitch about it" and I took that to heart.

I was not an Obama supporter, nor did I vote for him (as a side not I didn't care for McCain...wasn't who I wanted to vote for LOL but my horse wasn't in the running). Anyway, I wish him no ill will he is our Commander and Chief (and my DH's boss now LOL). I hope with the deepest part of my heart that he can make changes to help us all. As far as the troops home, don't get me wrong, as a navy wife whose husband has been deployed, I want the war over, but at this moment I want it to end with us have accomplished SOMETHING, so that all those men/women didn't die in vein.

I am concerned about the fact that the whining continues...its time to move on. I am also disgusted (and I was not a Bush supporter both times) that people actually booed him, and chanted the "na na na, hey hey, good-bye." I believe that NO ONE runs for President if they don't want to make changes and don't believe they are doing the right thing....doesn't always mean it is and it certainly isn't right in every one's eyes. BUT none of us can ever know the torment all of our Presidents go thru. Can you imagine making life and death decisions, and trying to create programs that help us? Not me, I have to be here to get help getting organized.

I truly hope that this country comes together and wounds heal and we all excel. I can tell you that today I was in awe of this country. Like him or not, the numerous people that showed up and support him, the country, and change is truly inspiring.

I hope I didn't offend anyone, and if I did I'm sorry. I am proud of our country, and will support our President, and pray every night (like I have in years passed) that we can get thru and move ahead.

2008 Presidental Election

2008-11-05T08:41:00.000-05:00

First off, can I say that this has truly been the longest 2 years of my life (and I have 4 kids and a hubby who deploys for the military LOL so I know long LOL).

I am a registered democrat who supported McCain/Palin. I also supported Hillary Clinton in the primaries. And no matter how I feel about the new President...I can say this with 100% of my heart "we don't know what will happen." I hope for the best and believe in our country.

I also want to say how proud I am to be an American. The history we have made this year is AMAZING and a true testament to what a GREAT NATION we are and will continue to be. This election was what our forefathers wanted it to be....all of us out there exercising our right to vote. I so want the negativity to end and be able to see us move forward TOGETHER. I am PROUD that my son's got to witness this historic election and feel as though they are part of it....so I know that their interest will continue and when they are 18, they won't minimize their right to vote and make a difference.

I will support our Commander-in-chief because that is the right thing to do. Supporting him isn't the same thing as liking it, I wanted McCain/Palin in for a lot of reasons, but in my heart and soul what I hope is that this country heals its wounds, and moves forward. We have a lot to do as a country, and we MUST do it TOGETHER.

Congratulations to the Obama/Biden ticket and all of their supporters, and our country.

Wednesday

2008-10-29T09:32:00.000-04:00

Ya know when we were kids Monday was the worse day of the week...I mean the week-end was over and back to school we went. I have as an adult decided that Wednesday is the WORST day of the week. Think about it, its no where near the week-end YET, and you have been busting your butt, or fighting the AM fight with kids to get ready, hurry up, pack your bag....or driving to every activity under the moon ALREADY and its NOT over for the week yet.

Now all that being said, it isn't a big deal because I LOVE my life, and my kids, but HOLY COW, I just realized I wake up DREADING every Wednesday. I have to find a POSITIVE way to enjoy today...but um its cold, and well its cold here in Virginia, and I have TONS of laundry to do, because my lazy butt didn't finish it this week-end LOL.

Oh well better to get it done as opposed to dwell on the YUCK of the day. I have a PLAN...a MISSION so to speak LOL. I am getting phone calls done, laundry done, dinner on, and the house picked up before 2pm today. That's the plan...as soon as I get my feet warm LOL.

Have a Great Wednesday (hump day sounds so repulsive doesn't it now LOL) my fellow bloggers.

Teachers

2008-10-10T17:24:00.001-04:00

I have over the years had some really phenomenal teachers for my oldest sons. I don't mean the ones who just come to school, teach, and don't demand of them. No I mean ones who demand of them to be better than they know they are, ones who go that extra mile to reach a child and show them the light in that one class they are lost in, and the ones who you consider family, and just meld into yours and your child's lives.

As you read in an early blog, we are struggling with some Autistic issues with Seth, and some days are better than others. Today was not one of those days for me. See Seth has had a few bad days, and then a good one (he raised his hand and waited...yes waited to answer the question), and today when I got him from school, his teacher said he didn't hurt anyone today (spit and threw a pencil yesterday) but there was just not finding a common ground with him. Now let me say I dearly love this woman, and trust her with my child, and the intervention he needs at school. But when I got home after a really LONG, tiring trip to Peanut Festival with the kids, I found this email (I have taken out her name before posting).

I hope you have a good weekend. You are a good mother and you are doing the right thing. I know it is not easy, but please realize that you are not doing this alone. We are a team and we will get through the emotional roller coaster together.

I tell the students that we are all family, and I do mean it. We are a family. We lean on each other during the storms, we cry together, and we rejoice with each other when the sun shines. Sometimes it is just a ray of sunshine, but it is still warm and fills the soul.

Hang on to the progress Seth has made. He is headed in the right direction. Just remember, he will probably have a few detours along the way, but he will arrive.

Have a great weekend and ENJOY your family, because family is the most precious commodity on earth.

So as I am sitting here feeling a bit LOST and SORRY for myself, when I know so many parents out there have it worse than I do, that a teacher after hours on a Friday (and a day where she wanted to call me twice to come get Seth and take him home :( ) would think of me, not because she had too, because she wanted too.

So for all of you teachers out there who think those little things go unnoticed, and unappreciated by so many, I SALUTE you. I could not get through some of the stuff kids and school toss at us without you. Please keep doing what you do, because our (and I do mean OUR) children and country need you.

HURDLES

2008-10-09T07:53:00.000-04:00

funny how the word HURDLES brings different images to mind. For example as a child it was the high school track meet, and whether or team would get first place or go to the state finals.

As a "grown up" HURDLES include bills, and getting a job, and finding a place away from our parents house to move too.

Then we get married and have HURDLES that include....SHARING everything, and usually arguing more than when you dated LOL.

Finally as parents we have HURDLES for our kids, about our kids, and just raising them in today's society. This whole blog centers on how that "God only gives us what we can handle" and "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger" Well that is all true, but being a parent is tough. I mean we can just beat up that mean kid on the corner who is picking on your kid, or we can't have the teachers all give them "A's" for each class. And we can't predict what THINGS we find out about our kids when they get to school.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster with my 5 yr old. See he is currently being tested at the school, with a neurologist, a developmental pediatrician, and who knows who else. He appears to have ASPERGER SYNDROME. Which is a form of Autism. So now I have the NORMAL HURDLES to deal with and this. Lots of parents deal with this everyday, and I am in awe of their strength. Today I realized that I now have to be one of those parents. He has good days and bad days, and yesterday he raised his hand in class and WAITED to be called on. OMGosh my heart skipped a beat when I read that, because I had a brief moment where I thought its OK he's doesn't have any issues, he's just misbehaving...see he can do it. I do realize that this is probably not true, and we can't FIX it all. But baby steps here are now praised more than before. We can do this...and I know that this too is a HURDLE we will overcome/adapt too.

I guess today as I look at all I have in my life, I realize that this is just a SMALL HURDLE, and its only that till we have answers and find ways to adapt to the changes we all have to make. I also know "this will make us all stronger" and hopefully ready to face the HURDLES the future holds for them all. I am a strong mom, and I am a good mom, and today I can honestly say that I have put that HURDLE in my life to rest. Now I guess I'll move onto the next one.

To my blogger friends have a great Thursday and know that alone we are strong, but TOGETHER we are all INVINCIBLE, and if you need me I am here for you.

Pollyanna

2008-10-04T16:36:00.000-04:00

So today I am feeling a bit "Pollyanna(ish)" I mean I am almost 100% sure that is NOT a word LOL....but none the less, it definatly describes my mindset today.

Ya know I have spent the past 18 months watching and listening to the candidates on both sides...and before anyone panics I am NOT trying to change ANY ONE'S mind. See the reason I feel the way I do today is for a number of reasons and none involve POLITICS (go figure LOL).

I want to address something I saw someone post on another site and it was (not verbatim here) "if you aren't for Obama you must be racist" are you kidding me...couldn't someone just NOT like him. Or how about this comment "women should be ashamed to vote for Palin for VP, she is a step back for women in this country" again I say WHAT to myself. There are tons more that I could address but these two got me thinking a lot the past few weeks...and here is my Pollyanna(ish) coming into play here.

I want to know why their race, sex, or even party matters. I mean can't we vote for who we believe is BEST for the job? I could care if our next president is black, white, pink, or purple....I don't care if they are a man or a women....and I don't care if they are 45 or 85 yrs old. I mean I want who I believe can do the job. All that being said I feel bad for the next president whoever it may be for one reason...I don't think this can be fixed the way it NEEDS to be fixed...and all their promises will be like the Bush's "no new taxes" promise. I realize that life as we KNEW it will change no matter who is in charge. The problems in this country aren't just because of Wall St. or the war, or immigration there are TRILLIONS of issues. I guess what I would hope that this election would do is create a country of "more understanding and accepting" Americans. I also hope that as individuals (man or women) you will VOTE. I don't care who you chose to vote for....nor will I state who I plan on voting for because one of the greatest things about elections in this country is that "when I go in that voting booth, and close the curtain I can vote MY conscious NOT anyone else"....yeah Pollyanna today, but I do believe either will HELP this country but not fix it right away.

One week in....

2008-03-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

....well I am finally able to say I FEEL better. I have taken my meds like I am supposed too, and yesterday and today are the first days in a LONG time I haven't woken up with a headache. The burning/hive like feeling in my cheeks was minor yesterday and this morning so I know the high BP medicine is working.

You know how they say change is a good thing? Well it is, and sometimes being FORCED to make change is a GREAT thing. I am down 10 lbs this week....10 lbs can you imagine? Everyday I feel better is one step closer to the me I WANT to be.

So today my POSITIVE is that I am going to LIVE, and be HEALTHIER and HAPPIER than I have ever been. Yes I know there will be ups and downs, but I can't wait to watch my kids grow and make them PROUD of me.

How the heck does this happen....

2008-03-25T07:57:00.000-04:00

I started out the year all "POSITIVE" and well I've done better than expected. EXCEPT somewhere along the line I didn't realize I was depressed (about a TON of things) and my blood pressure was skyrocketing (weight has a huge deal to do with that). Anyway after 6+ months of "SOMETHING" daily being wrong with me I finally listened to my husband and made an appointment.

I hate going to the DR's for any reason...I guess I view it as "theres something wrong with me" Anyway on Easter Sunday I had some numbing/heavy feeling in my left cheek. I of course went into the Dr and now I am on meds to help with EVERYTHING. Do you know what though? The things I didn't stress about before I do now....I mean am I taking the meds right? I'm not gonna stroke out because of the blood pressure am I? So that's not helping is it LOL.

Today is day 2 (2nd pill officially LOL) on my BP meds and when I get them into my system I DO feel better. I know it will take awhile for the celexia (Happy/Nerve pills again) to kick in but how come I can't get around the "I'm not really gonna die" thought...holy shit to actually THINK you are facing the END not only creates more stress but makes you think of EVERYTHING you haven't said or want to say.

So today I am OFFICIALLY turning over a new leaf. I am GOING to clean my house like I used too, and I am going to cook like I used too, and that alone will be a HUGE improvement over the past few months for me. I am hoping that by the end of the week I will FEEL like walking and starting to get this weight off of me...this is the heavest I've been (not being pregnant and that was horribly depressing to admit). So My POSITIVE mission has turned into a LIFE SAVING mission....MY own LIFE. I will over the next few months discuss the ups and downs of all of it, and maybe I can even keep it positive once in a while.

Thank you my friends for all your support.

Always good intentions

2008-03-11T10:52:00.000-04:00

....ever notice how you start to get a handle on life and your schedule and whoops along comes another illness or ten other activities that HAVE to be done right now? Well such is life here at my house.

I am still trying to be POSITIVE this year, but let me be 100% HONEST Mary Poppins I am not, and I have TONS, yep you read it TONS of NOT so POSITIVE moments. However I don't believe that qualifies me for the "failed your New Years Resolution club" yet as if you remember it was to be MORE POSITIVE...I just thought I could take it one step farther and do it everyday...uh NOPE because even though I find (at least) one thing I am thankful for everyday some days there is just no way around being MAD or just well...MAD.

But that's not today. Nope today I am on the mend physically and mentally. I gotta tell you that life is good, even when its bad. I can't imagine my life w/o the people in it.

Lots of changes on the horizon for this family, and they really scare me, but a new house, new well everything can be really exciting. I am glad my DH got into the Navy and we have the adventures ahead of us that we do....no other job in this country would afford us the luxury of moving, and traveling to another country to live for 3 years, so today I'm thankful for Shayne's job, and all that lies ahead of us.

What are you thankful for today?

Valentines Day

2008-02-28T07:54:00.000-05:00

yep I am only about two weeks late but since I got sick on Valentines day night and was out of comission for a few weeks here I am finally updating.

First let me say I LOVE my husband...he never ceases to amaze me. We were pretty low in the funds dept since it was 24 hours before the Navy paid us LOL but we don't ususally do a whole lot for what Shayne calls a "HALLMARK HOLIDAY" LOL but I called and said I cooked spagetti and garlic bread for dinner...can you please stop and get some chocolate for the kids they should get a Valentine from us. Now I had managed to get some Sweet Tea (big spender I am at $2.29 for 1/2 a gallon LOL) for him he LOVES Iced Tea. Anyway, you'll remember a week before Valentines day he brought me home the potted tulips so I figured we were even. Well to my suprise the man brought me in TONS of stuff..he so rocks. I got my roses, Edys Chocolate ice cream, and chocolate milk, and chocolate frosted cake all for me I looked at him like he was nuts, and he said I didn't know what kind of CHOCOLATE you would want. I just melted it was so nice.

And as a side note he brought the kids home HUGE Hershey Candy bars one for each of them...they were all a bit wound up but they were all happy.

~Update on ME~

2008-02-27T05:03:00.000-05:00

Well over the next few days I have TONS of stuff to get posted to you all. I got really sick (some flu/cold thing) and then in the midst of sneezing and coughing I lost my wedding band, had to move a bed to find it, and threw out my back...so I was MISERABLE for about 2 weeks. I have a nagging cough that's making me crazy but I am so much better I can deal with extra NyQuil at night LOL.

Tulips....

2008-02-11T09:48:00.000-05:00

....Spring, Easter they all remind me of Tulips. But Saturday Tulips represented a wonderfully positive thing for me (not that spring and Easter aren't LOL I just meant a personal memory/moment of ONLY mine). See over the past 16 years, my darling husband had regularly come home with either fresh cut flowers or a potted plant or flower of some sort. However in 2006 after he deployed he kind of got out of the habit of that "smile" he got from me for flowers. So occasionally I get pissy that I haven't gotten any for awhile, and do that "back door" thing and REMIND my kids to tell him LOL. Whatever we all do it if NECESSARY LOL. But on Saturday he brought me home flowers (well a potted Tulip plant) on his own.

So my POSITIVE is that I was once again REMINDED of how much we do love each other, and that the SIMPLE acts we ALL take for granted in our daily lives, that we need to try and recognize more often...because if we don't have those things life gets mighty sad and lonely.

Stop and smell the flowers today!!!!

Fanning the flames....

2008-02-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

....of my life. We built a small fire pit in the back yard to have a bonfire and cook out for the Super Bowl, and OMG was it a hit. Not like we haven't always had a fire pit in our back yard...but its new for us here. So we cleaned up the winter dog crap, and crewed up bones, and built our fire pit. And as I sat out there laughing, with a glass of wine, and my kids swinging with the neighbors kids, I found myself once again THANKFUL for my life.

So although out teams weren't playing on Sunday we laughed, watched some of the Super Bowl. We aren't NY Giants fans, but we did root for them...because it has been the practice here over the years to root for the underdog UNLESS your team is playing LOL. And we all know NY was the underdog. We are diehard Cleveland Browns, Indianapolis Colts, and Ohio State fans...anyone else has to be the underdog LOL. I know we make some of our family and friends nuts during football season, but you what I don't care LOL its what we do as a family...and in today's FAST PACED life having any family time together should be treasured. Now don't get me wrong I am GLAD football season is over...it does get long, but its ok...our son starts again in 12 weeks (not that long now is it LOL) to practice.

Anyway, it was a great week-end with lots of laughs, and we look forward to what next week-end might hold for all of us. If you are a state that votes on "Super Tuesday," please get out there, and make your voice heard....we should all participate in the greatest show of democracy in the world. Remember this is what other countries only WISHED they had...and will probably never get a chance to have a VOICE. My friend Snowflake The Angry American has a blog dedicated to the political race if you are looking to read up on some other points of view.

An eye opener.....

2008-02-03T14:09:00.000-05:00

....so today I heard a quote by John Lennon

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans"

So I was thinking about this quote and I was thinking how very true this is. I mean we make lists, and post reminders on our fridges, and jot down stuff on calendars and put alarm reminders on our cell phones for what we have to do NEXT. Well that’s fine, and our schedules are fine, but my concern is "what are we missing" while we are worrying about the next thing we have to do? This entire subject came up while talking to my sister this morning about trying to catch time, and then I turned on A&E, and a movie was on using John Lennon’s very quote. Being into signs (as you all know I am LOL) I took this as a topic to ponder.

Well I can tell you that even though I am planning stuff for my little Super Bowl get together tonight, and reminding myself that I have to call my mom before it starts, I want to enjoy today. I want to NOT miss the moments around me. I mean do I want to be 75 years old and realize I MISSED my life; I MISSED my kid’s lives? Nope I want to smile, laugh, and enjoy it. So today, even though I have a MILLION other things to do (I'm sure) I don't care. If the laundry gets done...great, if the floor gets mopped up...great, if none of it gets done well great too, it'll all be there tomorrow waiting LOL.

Take a moment today and FORGET it....I promise the sun will stay in the sky, and the Earth will keep rotating, but you might find a couple extra minutes where you laugh, and enjoy your life...you know the one you've scripted for years to get too. Smile bloggers, and know its all good.

Never underestimate the power.....

2008-02-02T04:08:00.000-05:00

....of a woman with a hammer...much less two women with hammers LOL. So since I found out we are likely to have to move this Summer/Fall I have been trying to PURGE the crap I have collected over the past three years (and OMG its a HUGE amount of stuff LOL). Anyway I have finally got rid of my OLD (yep 10 yrs old) furniture (well not rid of it at first put couch in the garage for kids play room area and love seat in boys room so they could use it for video games). Anyway there was no choice but to get rid of the couch this past week. My dog (Max) decided to bury TOYS, BONES, STICKS inside it, and then when they fell UNDER the darn thing she DUG, and I mean DUG through cushins to TRY and find them. So now my couch is NAKED w/o cushins LOL. So after a few STRESSFUL days I called the neighbor and said I wanna just break something down and FEEL like I did something BIG today, so lets deal with the couch. Thank goodness for me she was having a BAD day with hubby and was like "I'm there." So off we were with ONE hammer, two steak knives, and two screwdrivers and we DEMOLISHED the couch. I mean DEMOLISHED in such away that we had one garbage can of material and stuffing, wood frame in a PILE in my back yard for a bonfire on Sunday (thats another blog LOL), and a garbage bag of springs. The garage is MUCH cleaner, the dog can't dig my couch anymore, and well I'm on the road to purging my house LOL.

But the MORAL of this is that WE can do ANYTHING we set our mind too. Wasn't like ripping it apart with a hammer was easy, but we were determined, and we had a TON of laughs doing it. I do have a picture of my neighbor (and friend) looking a bit like Captain Morgan that she said I couldn't post but I am going too anyway LOL and hope when she sees the blog she laughs outloud at herself and the butt heads we were that day. Oh and for the record I did this in PJ pants and there was a picture of me with my butt looking like Resputia's from NORBIT so THANK GOD for the DELETE button....SORRY Amber LOL.

MOMS, we can do anything, and we should NEVER worry that we can't....and just in case you are scared to do it CALL A FRIEND, we will always help. My POSITIVE from this was FRIENDSHIP, and THERAPY LOL.

Thanks for you help Amber!!!

Two right shoes

2008-01-30T07:19:00.000-05:00

.....so I decided that today I needed to post a FUNNY story....maybe not POSITIVE but funny none the less. My son Mack just started gym (well P.E. since now its not called gym LOL) and Health this semester (its now a joint class not two separate ones LOL...showing my age aren't I)...anyway he wears a uniform to school everyday (dress shoes too LOL) and he takes tennis shoes and gym clothes to go running/jogging/walking for class. So everyday I say "do you have your clothes for gym" and he says " I think so...I think I got everything" well that's should be enough right, I shouldn't HAVE to check a 12 yr olds bag...so I don't responsibility is a big deal with me. So he goes to school yesterday, and gets off the bus, walks in and says "OMG I am gonna kill either Osten or the babies" I said for what this time? Here it comes....he DIDN'T check the bag for gym and had TWO, yep TWO RIGHT shoes (gives a new meaning to LOW LEFT FEET LOL). So I said why didn't you call...well (GYM TEACHERS NAME HERE LOL) said I'd be fine to run in two right shoes. OMG can you imagine how sore his ONE foot was LOL. I would have given anything to see that because he can be a bit LOUD and DRAMATIC some days LOL.

I guess the moral of this story is CHECK your bag and if not, well it'll be a blog story to make all us MOMS out there smile. Oh and today he DID check his bag and said "I didn't forget anything and I do have two right shoes" Smiled didn't you....TWO RIGHT SHOES LOL.

Happy Wednesday gang!!!

My kids....

2008-01-29T09:45:00.000-05:00

....are truly FANTASTIC. I am writing this BEFORE report cards come out on Wednesday but not because they'll be bad...nope I already know one has straight A's and the other one has A's and B's on the grading period and on his finals....so its not their grades, its not even the fact that my freshman is getting a Varsity Wrestling letter this year or that my 6th grade is doing EXCELLENT in Latin, and is the Troop Historian for his Boy Scouts. Its not even that my two little ones (although in some fibbing and blaming each other stage) are learning to clean up their rooms on a normal time schedule (I set the clock for 10 minutes and they HAVE to be done or MOM comes in...and no one wants mom in their rooms LOL). Nope and although all these things are GREAT, its not that, its that I just LOVE them. I would love them if they brought home all F's ( I might not be happy but I'd love them LOL).

Some days being a mom is HARD (whether you are a SAHM or a working mom) its just plain hard. But some days I forget and get testy and bitchy and well just downright mean. I am tired, and its trying to day in and day out do the same things, but I can honestly say that I love how they make me feel, how they allow me to share in their lives. I thought the older they got the more I'd miss out on, and I'm sure I will miss stuff when they get girlfriends (which let me say I am so NOT ready for LOL), but for right now, I am gonna appreciate and treasure the love, the laughter, and the friendship that we share.

If you haven't told your kids today that you "love them" do it, and watch 'em look at you like you have two heads for a second...but they say "love you too mom" right back at you...its AMAZING.

I'm still learning

2008-01-24T17:05:00.000-05:00

....yep at my age I'm still learning. I am learning LOTS of things...like I'm old, LOL and I am a bit more computer savvy, and something about graphics and well I'm learning more and more about myself everyday.

I know that I have taken TONS of things in my life for granted, but this year I have been making a conscious effort to PAY ATTENTION, and APPRECIATE my life. I read a passage in a great book Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral that went like this:

"I was just thinking about how much you mean to me...but I want you to know that I never take you for granted and the I remember everything you did for me and without you I don't know what I would do...."

And I thought about this passage for a long time after I read it, and realized that its how we all live or lives, we don't forget or appreciate the things people do for or with us, but we don't talk about it either, we tend to...not take it for granted...but become complacent in what goes on in and around our lives. I don't want to do this anymore. I mean first off I'm not a spring chicken, and I am not the healthiest (as far as being overweight and less active than I should be LOL), that I don't want to mess around and MISS out on my life.

I love my kids, and my husband way too much for that. So I do have my pedometer Walk to Iraq with my fellow blogger Chaos Mommy and I am doing it in support of her, her husband, and my health. I want to be the "all that I can be" I think that was a military slogan at one time too LOL....see how its hard to separate yourself from that life LOL.

So today I challenge you to APPRECIATE your life, and to TAKE CHARGE of what you want in it, and around you. Stop and smell those flowers today (and if its still cold and no flowers are there, just take a DEEP BREATH). Have a GREAT week-end everyone.

its UNDER RATED

2008-01-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

...sex that is. I mean we've been having it for 17 years now LOL but as with a lot of married couples sometimes it gets put on the back burner....life just gets in the way. So today I made up my mind IT WAS TIME.

You know we live for our kids, and some days it dawns on me that if we don't work on us, then there will be no us when the kids are gone. So after yesterdays "nasty express" I decided to put forth more effort into being what I WANT to be...you know POSITIVE LOL.

Today came his 1st month of his "beer of the month club" that I got him for Christmas so that, and a great Honey BBQ dinner, and me being NICER helped out A LOT. So do (as a married woman) forget to give yourself YOU time. I mean most days are filled with "HAVE TOO's" and I FORGET to take care of me.

So in the midst of all of it I took an amazing bubble bath, and gave myself a conditioning treatment, and read a few chapters ALONE in the bathroom....and OMG it was as great as the sex LOL, I mean time alone in the bathroom as a mom it almost UNHEARD of now isn't it LOL. But today I got both...was a GREAT Monday...hope the rest of the week pans out as well LOL.

Happy Monday gang.

So here is what I figured out.....

2008-01-20T15:50:00.000-05:00

NO matter how POSITIVE I WANT to be, some days its just ok to be pissy. I mean I personally have my OWN insecurities issues but someday I can't no matter how hard I try I can't be supportive. I know hubby is stressed and tired of his job, and the constant PT he has to do (nope unfortunately he wasn't blessed with a small waist and big neck LOL), and the fact, like the rest of the world, we live paycheck to paycheck...but ya know what me too. I mean I would love to be skinnier, and not get disheartened with my life (kids, house, all of it), and I would love not to have to look at a price tag ever. But you know what that is life, sometimes its just what it is, you have to make the best out of life.

So today I yelled, and although I meant it, I do feel bad, I tend to be NASTY and I never just let it die. I mean I keep rehashing it with curt comments and it just fuels the damn fire. So most of the time if I'd just shut the hell up it would help the situation diffuse but nope not me I get it in my damn craw and keep going. So how do I change that? I mean sometimes I feel like if I don't say anything, then I just stew and it isn't gonna get any better...and whether I am right or wrong its all on my feelings and sometimes they are HARD to deal with.

Ok so now that I used my POSITIVE blog to VENT...now what? I mean I am not saying I'm sorry because one, its who and how I have been for 17 years, and two changes need to be made....and not all by me. I remember when he brought home a 6 pack of beer and a bouquet of flowers. Not that this is all that's expected but once in awhile I really WANT...no I NEED to feel appreciated. Guess I'll wait and see where the night goes....please let it be MORE POSITIVE tonight than it has been the past few days.

Off to be a cheese head (only by process of elimination since the Browns aren't in the playoffs *cry*) but on the other hand that Brett Farve is a good looking older quarterback (and yep I tell hubbyt that too LOL).

Happy Sunday fellow bloggers.

I am being POSITIVE

2008-01-18T05:53:00.000-05:00

yeah, yeah thats right its what I keep telling myself this week...remember it is my New Years Resolution...to be POSITIVE...but OMG is it truly possible? I mean now I have made it longer than previous resolutions LOL. But 365 days of POSITIVE do you think that is possible at all, or would it be a Guinness Record? Hmmmmmmmm now there's an idea, maybe I could set a record LOL.

Well lets see I do have a few GREAT things from the past week to brag about, lets see the kitchen and living room are DONE still...and are staying clean WHOO HOOO. Osten got an 88% (a high III) on his math EOC (the state proficiency test) so that's EXCELLENT...if you even know he is the person "Math for Dummies" was written for LOL he hates, it, and PANICS...I mean PANICS (white knuckles, sick, head on desk during tests LOL) so he only needed an 80% (a low III) to pass the class, and he did it. Mack will be the color guard next week at a Boy Scout function, and he got a 95% on his keyboarding final....with a great, big, red WOW!!! on it. They are doing great.

Shayne will be home for the next four days and although I do love him, and want him here, OMG I dread it too, I mean the house is always messier when he's here, I NEVER get control of the darn remote, he moves from the bed, to the chase lounge, to the bathroom and then my computer chair, just enough to INTERFERE with my flippen schedule. HOWEVER being POSITIVE (LOL) I will be glad to have him here to talk too (if I want too LOL). He is a good man, so it'll all be fine...besides he does have to go to the ALL day wrestling tournament on Saturday so that'll be like my day off LOL.

Anyway, today I'll be back on CLEANING schedule this AM so I can be ready for the influx of family (kids are off school tonight till Thursday too) this week. Maybe I'll leave the laundry to do, throughout the week, I mean I MAY need an escape to the laundry room LOL

I hope the week-end is great for all of you...we are hoping for the dusting to an inch of snow we MAY get tomorrow afternoon LOL.

Motivation.....

2008-01-14T12:39:00.000-05:00

....where does it come from? How do we find it? I don't know where or how to find it sometimes, and the past 18 months of my life I have endured a deployment, a LONG readjustment to Shayne being back home and now to the inevitability of a move this summer. I have slowly become more and more LAZY in my approach to cleaning, and just life in general.

So you'd think with the new "POSITIVE" me that I'd get on a cleaning tear and "GIT R DONE" now wouldn't you? Well you'd think but I was LACKING in that elusive MOTIVATION. I wanted to get moving and clean my house and do my laundry, and play with the babies (well they aren't babies anymore but they are preschoolers LOL so they still play some LOL). But I just couldn't do it. No instead I did what my sister and I lovingly define it as the "HURRICANE CLEAN" and that's just where you tear through the house and toss it WHEREVER you can so it LOOKS clean. I am EXCELLENT at this LOL.

However today I NEEDED to get up and do it. Maybe its one of those signs I am so looking for in life all the time. So I sat down with my sweet tea (OMG gotta love Smithfields sweet tea), and made a list, then I could feel the sheer "YUCKINESS" of the HUGE list, so I sat a little while longer and than from NOWHERE, I got up...I got cleaning and decided to ATTACK this from a different angle. Instead of DOING IT ALL in one day and then feeling like I failed because I didn't' get done, I decided that with a list this long it was time to BREAK it down some. So the game plan is to clean ONE room.....just ONE every day till my house is cleaned back to the point I want it. I figure that one room GOOD is only an hour maybe 90 minutes, then I can "HURRICANE CLEAN" the rest of the house and by the end of the week OMG I'll be able to sit in CLEANLINESS LOL.

Maybe getting back to what I KNOW and was PROUD of will help me continue down the year of POSITIVES for me. I mean look, today I ACCOMPLISHED something BIGGER than yesterday, and I did without whining....OMG I am improving. So to answer the ORIGINAL questions, I don't know where it comes from or how to find it, I just know when we NEED it we can find it.

Happy Monday my fellow bloggers.

How did it start.....

2008-01-10T16:03:00.000-05:00

....oh man I just saw the best commercial its a couple kissing, and then rewinding back to the beginning of their relationship (now never mind its some match.com commercial LOL) but it got me thinking about the FIRST time. No sillies not THE first time...that was so LONG ago I don't know if I remember LOL but I am talking about the FIRST time Shayne and I met. Oh my gosh he was so handsome, a big bear, but with those amazing dimples. We met in passing early fall 1991, as he was friends with my sister. Then in January 1992, I met him again, but this time he was BUILT, and I mean BUILT...he had beard (which just so you know you could still see his dimples through), and his hair was cut, and well he was just breath taking....can you say that about a man? I don't know, but it does get my point across LOL.

We did things together that I had never done before, we hiked a hill to a HUGE rock, and walked down by the creek. We parked in a TINY car down by a bridge and the woods (holy cow I was in college and was still PARKING LOL what a hoot), and we walked across these OLD train tressles (what an amazing view that was).

Eventually we got married (yes there was MORE in between the last paragraph and this one LOL), and everything we do is a FIRST. I mean it was the first time we celebrated Christmas in a new state, then apart, then MORE in debt than before LOL, but you get my point. Life is full of FIRST TIMES, and we miss them and take them for granted. I thought I learned that when he was deployed last year, but I guess not since some commercial about dating (maybe that was the sign LOL)reminded me of some very GREAT POSITIVE moments in my life. Gosh do I love that man...even more today than I did 17 (holy crap SEVENTEEN) years ago....he is truly my HERO (wonder if I've told him recently...note to self...tell hubby he ROCKS).

Happy Blogging gang.

My horoscope today......

2008-01-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

says "Your home life needs extra attention today. While it could be physical or structural, more likely it involves someones feelings, so be prepared for a long discussion that might not quite reach resolution."

Now I don't really put all my EGGS in one basket on the horoscope band wagon but today's wasn't very POSITIVE now was it? Hhhhhhmmmmmmmm hope this doesn't mean there is a FIGHT brewing, I was just thinking how GRATEFUL I am for my life, my kids, and my husband, and how PROUD I am of all of them.

So do I worry and wait about what MIGHT happen or do I make a conscious effort to NOT fight.....or do I NEED to have an argument? I mean do I follow the stars or just hope bedtime comes fast and quick with no MAJOR issues LOL?

Well my POSITIVE for today is that I am warm with pride and love for my family, my husband and my life....and as far as those stars go, well I hope they stay up in the sky and light my path tonight and not mess around too much inside, I'm really too tired after last night primary coverage to deal with it all LOL.

Happy Wednesday everyone (Hump day just sounds Vulgar now doesn't it LOL)

The smell.....

2008-01-08T17:08:00.000-05:00

....you know the one the "Spring Air" you can't describe it, the can't bottle it, its just there and only at certain times. The best is it doesn't have to necessarily have to be Spring. I was looking back at my Missing you blog and about the 1st picnic of the season while my husband was deployed, and the air kinda just hit me. I quickly opened all the windows in my house and sat down....and OMG there it was that "Spring is here" smell. Didn't motivate me to exercise but it did motivate me to REMEMBER another GREAT memory in my life, which leads me to this moment today.

My POSITIVE for today is that We, as a family, are coming out of the FUNK that we have been in as individuals, and as a family. You know the one that gets you depressed, and funny, and lazy, and well just all around funky. I find us starting to TALK more than we have in the past few months, I find us LAUGHING A LOT more than we have. I guess that the stresses of LIFE IN GENERAL can get to all of us.

Isn't it funny how a simple smell, memory, or moment make EVERYTHING CLEAR in your life. Gosh I love that "Spring Air" smell don't you?

A family that

2008-01-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

.....Plays together, and Laugh together doesn't have much to worry about right? Well my POSITIVE today is that even though we are 800 miles away from home here we sit as a family watching and cheering and YELLING really loud about the Ohio State game.....and hang on yeah there might even be some swearing if they drop the ball again LOL. But we are having a GREAT time......

So as I sit here listening to my phone ring every couple minutes as my son's friends call and razz him or eat humble pie because LSU messed up, I find myself smiling. I wonder if when they are grown up and gone if they will sit and laugh and cheer with their kids?

The moments like these when we are all DOING something TOGETHER are what make being a family WONDERFUL.

On a POSITIVE note today.....

2008-01-05T06:19:00.000-05:00

......um I am looking deep for one at the moment MAYBE it will appear later on LOL. But so far this AM I slept in, well not really in I got up at 2:45am couldn't go back to sleep till 3:30am therefore didn't get up at 4am now did I? LOL I hate to start the day feeling I am behind already...not that I would have done anything major but I MIGHT have LOL.

Anyway, I just dropped off my son for a wrestling tournament (the bus is leaving at 6:30am) and what a nice few moments in my life, I mean he was tired, and REALLY, REALLY nervous but it was just us. We drove, and I teased him and he smiled.....took my money, and then said I love you when he got out of the car. Now its not that the kids and I don't say that to each other all the time....because we do. But this morning I actually FELT the words from him. I miss the days when he'd run and hug me, jump on my lap, and kiss me tons, but I do see the young man he is, and the man he is becoming. He is a great kid with a wonderfully kind heart....I realized today that I just take for granted that they are good kids. I don't want to do that anymore....I mean I miss out on so many moments if I do that. Nope today was another MOMENT I want to remember, and hold in my heart. And it will get me through the fact he just called and told me he forgot his wrestling shoes, and they are leaving in 10 minutes can I get them back down to the school for him...LOL Kids gotta love them.

Guess I didn't have to look too far for my POSITIVE today now did I? Have a great week-end my blogger friends.

Baby its cold outside.....

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now I know that's a song and all LOL but my butt is freezing. I moved from Ohio to North Carolina to be WARMER....I am thinking it would be better to have SNOW then I'd be expecting 14 degrees at 8:45 AM.

Anyway today I want to talk about my grandpa who used to say to me "accomplish ONE thing everyday and then you haven't wasted the day." Well I never really put any thought into that I just blew it off as old folks talking ya know. Never mind that as cold as I am today I am feeling like a really OLD person LOL So I gave this some thought and decided it so applies to my BABY STEPPING NEW YEARS RESOLUTION now doesn't it? So today I have picked up the house already, dressed the babies, got the older boys out the door to school, hubby up and out to work, showered, and fed everyone including the dogs breakfast, and I'm blogging TWO DAYS in a row...so I've accomplished SOMETHING. I am sure that isn't exactly what Grandpa meant by this phrase, but it'll do for today.

Now that I have only 2 loads to wash (which I will get done soon) I think I am gonna go appreciate the fact that I have two little furnaces here ready to watch a movie with me, and love the fact that today I get to sit for a little while and laugh with them. Life is too short to be SERIOUS all the time, so today I did SOMETHING and now its PLAYTIME.

T.G.I.F. my fellow bloggers

Today is.....

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...the first day of the rest of my life. Well maybe NOT the first day but its how I am going to approach life this year. Ya know I did A LOT of soul searching the past few weeks and realized I am a BITCH....not something to be proud of either. I mean what do I really care what other people do with their lives, or what they get...I have two new cars (I owe, I owe, I owe still LOL). 4 AMAZING kids, of which two are NEVER in trouble in school and get FANTASTIC grades...I have a husband who loves me whether I am 150lbs or 300lbs (although he'd prefer me at 150 LOL). He's in the Navy so we get to move and have ADVENTURES. No, all in all I have a GREAT LIFE. So this year as 2008 unfolds I am going to be POSITIVE about life, less BITCHY, and I'm gonna GET HEALTHY...not today will I do all of them but BABY STEPS and by years end I'll be who I SEE myself as being instead of who I have BEEN.

Happy New Year all my Blog friends