How the heck does this happen....

I started out the year all "POSITIVE" and well I've done better than expected. EXCEPT somewhere along the line I didn't realize I was depressed (about a TON of things) and my blood pressure was skyrocketing (weight has a huge deal to do with that). Anyway after 6+ months of "SOMETHING" daily being wrong with me I finally listened to my husband and made an appointment.

I hate going to the DR's for any reason...I guess I view it as "theres something wrong with me" Anyway on Easter Sunday I had some numbing/heavy feeling in my left cheek. I of course went into the Dr and now I am on meds to help with EVERYTHING. Do you know what though? The things I didn't stress about before I do now....I mean am I taking the meds right? I'm not gonna stroke out because of the blood pressure am I? So that's not helping is it LOL.

Today is day 2 (2nd pill officially LOL) on my BP meds and when I get them into my system I DO feel better. I know it will take awhile for the celexia (Happy/Nerve pills again) to kick in but how come I can't get around the "I'm not really gonna die" thought...holy shit to actually THINK you are facing the END not only creates more stress but makes you think of EVERYTHING you haven't said or want to say.

So today I am OFFICIALLY turning over a new leaf. I am GOING to clean my house like I used too, and I am going to cook like I used too, and that alone will be a HUGE improvement over the past few months for me. I am hoping that by the end of the week I will FEEL like walking and starting to get this weight off of me...this is the heavest I've been (not being pregnant and that was horribly depressing to admit). So My POSITIVE mission has turned into a LIFE SAVING mission....MY own LIFE. I will over the next few months discuss the ups and downs of all of it, and maybe I can even keep it positive once in a while.

Thank you my friends for all your support.