Back to the Work Force.....

.....Its OFFICIAL, I started applying for work. I have already stopped at the New Cracker Barrel, and Wal-mart (seasonal is all they offer right now, but still applied). I am gonna head out to Starbucks, and a few other places this week. I also am gonna apply to be a sub with the school system, since I do have a degree, even though its not teaching, at least I can sub. I do only want part-time right now since I still have to be available to get the kids to and from activities, and on and off the bus. But it will be kinda nice to get out with ADULTS again...been a long time for me.

For my SAHM friends, I know you wanna know why I'm going, and its for these reasons:

• It was the agreement with hubby when the kids all went to school I'd go back


• I am a crappy housekeeper so if I'm out there working, then it kind of null and voids SOME of the mess LOL


• Finally I really want to see a paycheck...and minimal as it maybe in my own name.

Ya know Shayne has NEVER made an issue out of it and really hasn't yet, but I gotta get out there again, and I am scared...crazy I know, but its been a LONG, time since I have done this in the real world.

I also made a HUGE decision, I am going back to school....I so wished I had the strength to be a nurse then the job market would be a lot more lucrative for me and it would be a HUGE increase in pay for this household LOL but I am really scared to go do it....I don't think I can....but we'll see.

I never thought I'd be scared to go to work, but it feels like its been FOREVER since I have been out there, God give me the strength to do this.

It never ends...

...ya know at 40...yes I am finally the big 40 LOL and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be 20 yrs ago LOL. Anyway, I will say I have found myself looking back over my life and there have been some really GREAT memories in my life....and I know I'm supposed to be THANKFUL for even the bad, but there are somethings I am so...so.....I don't even have the words to describe how shocked I am by some stuff.

Ya know I have made many WONDERFUL, and LIFE LONG friends. I will tell you that I have lost, forgotten and decided not to keep some people I THOUGHT were my friends, and there is always a reason for everything. In high school there was always the teenage drama, and the stealing of others boyfriends/girlfriends, and dates, and dances, and a few big fibs to parents about times/places....but all in all it was teenage stuff, and I BELIEVED we'd all grow up and none of that crap would exist anymore.

Well to my surprise, I have found that the drama and what not never goes away, it just turns into bigger, and usually stupider issues. I look as people and wonder why or even how they can stand all the crap swirling around them....then I realized, as much as I hate that CHAOS in my life, there are apparently some people who NEED/WANT/HAVE TO HAVE it in their lives to survive....makes me sad that the stress they must have associated with all that crap eats them alive, but I guess you can't help people who don't' want to be helped.

I am happy with my life...now don't get confused and think its all a bed of roses, it isn't , but I have found that remembering WHO and WHAT is truly important in your life helps eliminate the chaos and drama. Sometimes there are hard decisions that have to be made in order to get too or stay chaos free, but they are necessary decisions. I have accepted that I have a LOUD family, and we LOVE to eat, my house is not my dream home, but what I love on my budget, my cars, although I LOVE hubby's mustang, the mom mobile, well eventually it'll be something else LOL, and that my bills are paid, and we only have a little breathing room left, but some how that is truly more than enough for me. I once heard a rumor that someone said "oh she makes it like they are never suffering when she talks" and that person was right, I do, because we aren't suffering, yeah the 1st of the month SUCKS, but I know in two weeks I have some extra for a few dinners out.

So my first blog back after months isn't as Pollyanna as I would have liked it to be, but in a round-a-bout way its a THANKFUL kind of post...I mean I am thankful for my family, the friends I have close to me right now, and for all the material things I didn't think I ever wanted LOL. I am happy my husband fights for our country, and that he is home safe this year. I am thankful that my kids (aspergers and adhd included) are my kids, cause NO ONE else could raise them they way that we can....and no one would love them like we do.

Look around your life, and "declutter" it. If you have to have all the chaos to survive then its ok too, but remember its easier to smile in a clean home (life) than a dirty one. Happy November gang.

Today I realized

.....that life is too short to lose your friends, to lose your dog, to lose your prespective on things. I know, I know, I'm almost 40 (OMG only a few more weeks LOL) and I should have known this already. I do, but occassionally life throws a curve ball at you, and you have to stop, take breath, and say "ahhhh."

Friends, oh how do you even blog about them without feeling a warmth come over you, and wonder how you have gotten thru your life to this point, and how you'll get thru the rest of your life if they aren't in it? Over the years many friends and I have come and gone, and I so wished that I could talk about everyone, but there are a few I wanna talk about today.

My husband....he is truly my best friend in the entire world. I can't breathe without him. When he leaves for a deployment, I kiss him, and hug him, cry, and then hold my breath till he comes home. He saved me from myself, I didn't realize how much I could love someone till I met him. He is everything that I never knew I needed in my world.

My sister, do I call her my friend or does she only get labeled my sister? I think she is my friend first, and my sister second. She isn't married to the military, but with her job might as well be LOL. She and I have so many DIFFERENT...yet the SAME opinions, about healthcare, and politics, and our family members, and our kids, and etc, etc, etc, that I don't know where, or how we ever agree, but we do, and she is truly one of the strongest, yet nerve wracking individuals I have ever in my life met. But sis I can tell you I NEVER wanna do this with out you.

My sister in law, Terri. Now the label "in-law" automatically makes you WONDER where my brain is LOL, but here's the deal she's the "in-law" in this family too, so neither of us actually fit in. First thing I found we had in common is the fact that our husband's family doesn't like EITHER of us....I don't know why, I mean I think we are both funny as hell. But apparently, she's a bit of a snob, and I'm really tactless....ooops....like us or hate us I say (they all choose the later LOL). None the less Terri has taught me things that I never knew could or would happen in life.....lets just say "in-laws" and "dog stickers on weapons" and shopping for Coach purses are things that we laugh about so hard we can't breath some days LOL. Thank you my dear SIL, I do love you tons.

My friend Aaron, he has come and gone from my life lots over the years, and we have fought on and off, and we will continue to fight on and off, and disagree, but I will tell you that he has and continues to touch my life. The other night, I was missing Shayne so much, and I saw Aaron was on, and shot him a note, and he immediately responded with the support I needed to find my strength again...thank you my dear friend I so needed it, and I did make it thru.

My friend Peggie, honey w/o you I don't know where I'd be some days. I know I can do it, and I know I will. But you truly have been a rock in my life for so many years now. Can you believe we met online, we send Christmas cards, and you send KD movies, and two women that have never met, found "something' that keeps us connected...and I'd like to say it is more than being military wives. Thank you Peggie for always, day or night being there for me.

My friend Amber. I met her about 4 years ago when we made our first PCS to NC. Who knew that we'd be in another state now and still talk everyday....sometimes SEVERAL times a day LOL. Amber and I are COMPLETELY different on our views, but we somehow found a common ground to meet and be friends on. I treasure the times we have had together and know that whatever the future holds for both of us that we'll always have each other to fall back on.

And finally my newest, yet should be an older, friend Emily. She and Amber have been BFF's for years before I came into the picture, and then we met, spoke, and then I busted on Amber every time she'd call me re: a situation, and I'd say "well what does Emily say?" Not like I really cared, I was just prying to see what the "BFF" said, since apparently I wasn't that person. So recently Amber has had some HUGE cliffs to climb in her life and her marriage, and Amber brought Emily and I together on the phone. Now we (Amber, Emily, and I) talk everyday, and we laugh. Emily is a mom, military wife, and the funniest person I think I have ever met. At first we talked out of worry, and looking for ways to help our friend. But one day we got on the phone and it was "no holds bar" laughing about kids, and husbands, and jobs, and the military, and pop tarts. Emily is going to Japan in a few months, and for most friends that would be hard on a relationship. But see Emily and I (although we've met in the past face to face) are phone friends, so it'll be ok for us. I get up early, she's the "knight rider" so we'll meet in the middle to chat. I am glad I met her, and thank God everyday for making me laugh.

And finally, my friend Donna. I'm not sure what God was thinking when he held her from my life till right now. But her husband is in the Navy, he's deployed right now, we have a lot of the same beliefs regarding PTA and kids, and love, and shopping, and currently cleaning...neither of us wanna do it LOL. Donna makes me smile, and although I wanna kick her ass for talking me into PTSA for ANOTHER whole year, I'm grateful for her friendship, and thankful for Starbucks and the laughs we share.

So there you have it a FEW of my "adult" friends in my life that help me get thru each and every day. I don't know where I'd be without any one of them. So today, as I watched my dog get sicker, and slowly get ready to die, I realized that I don't want to lose anyone of these people from my life, and I will work to keep my friendships close to my heart forever. Thank you gang for being in my life.

Funny moments

Over the years I have many memories of "funny moments" they include my friends, my family, of course my sister, my kids and my husband. Today I was reading a friends "note" on Facebook about the "100 things your kids may Never know about" and as I glanced down the list, I found myself actually LAUGHING....not just a quiet smirk to myself, but actually LAUGHING OUT LOUD. My kids were like "mom what is it?" That in itself only made me laugh harder, cause now I KNEW I was gonna be explaining some things on the list.

First and foremost let me tell everyone (those who aren't on my FB page LOL) that my A/C broke on Wednesday (10 days before payday and its like 90+ degrees...it sucks). The kids have been so dramatic about it....."mom we don't want groceries we want air conditioning" LOL. So this lead into the discussion of how MOST of us didn't grow up with A/C until we were in High School (many moons ago) and that lead to the NO computers and NO cable, my God what did you do for fun conversations. I have truly NEVER laughed as hard as I did just watching their faces contort into shapes that looked like someone cut off their air supply.

So then I read this list and I'm LOL. The kids (hot as hell in this house) are standing over my shoulder reading along with me, and they were like "8 track tapes what the heck are those?" Now I just laughed. So I got online and sent the link to Shayne so that he could laugh too. I LOVE to realize how OLD I am, and I'm truly OK with truning 40 this year (at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it LOL), but some of the things on this list...OMG it was so sad to think about that the kids will NEVER know a walkman....or that they don't LIVE for cartoons on Saturday morning because Cartoon Network is on 24/7. Don't get me wrong I LOVE techenology, I mean take FB for example, I have reconnected with tons of long lost friends from my HS days, and I am so thankful for that....but boy NOT having all the EASY stuff made us work harder for things (I think). I mean NONE of us would have ever said "I'm bored" to our parents...we'd have already been outside playing.

So today I challenge each of you to read this post (thank you Peggie) and talk to your child, your love ones, or your friends and have a great laugh at what we all endured, and Maybe in 30+ more years we will see a list from our kids and can be in awe of how far the world has gone, and be a bit meloncoly about what it left behind.

Changes....

....ya know it amazes me how life is ever changing, good and bad, its truly the example of a circle. Everything is intertwined, and cause and effect are certainly rampant in our lives. But sometimes we forget there are consequences to our decisions. So today I wanna talk about a friend of mine...who is awe inspiring at the moment.

See I have this friend who I have known for several years, and since the day I met her, she has had TROUBLES. Some days she would frustrate me to no end, because I am "older and wiser (meaning I have already done what she's doing)" and I would be my over bearing self and TRY to FIX or in some cases CONTROL the issues at hand. So over the years I have grown to accept that many and most of my suggestions would fall on deaf ears. Then one day in the not so distant past here, she was like "oh my God you were right." After a moment of two of "what the hell are you talking about?" It dawned on me, that she was finally regaining CONTROL of her OWN life. My support and advice, and lectures hadn't fallen on deaf ears, they were there all the time, she just needed to realize she was a STRONGER woman than she THOUGHT she was. She and I both realize the consequences associated with EITHER decision, and she's willing to WORK through those consequences.

Currently my friend is making CHANGES in her life, and she is STRUGGLING with the decisions she MIGHT have to make, but I have found that TRUE FRIENDSHIP no matter how often you FORGET is the change in our lives we need. My friend has a long road ahead and A LOT of changes (no matter which decision she makes) but I do know that I will be there for her every step of the way. My life changed the day I met my friend, and it will never be the same, and every day is a step in who knows what direction, but I do know I'm glad we're making so many memories together. So take a second today to tell that friend how much they mean to you. And my dear friend when you read this, know I SUPPORT whatever decision you make for YOUR LIFE, and I will gladly help you walk whatever path you choose....you are my friend....for life.

I am Woman hear me roar....

....well hear me whine. My cat got sick, I gave up my hair coloring money (guess I'm on root patrol here at home awhile longer :( ) to fix my baby. But it got me thinking, since I became a mother I give up so much...and most of the time I am fine with it, but what I wanna know is if I ever get to spend on me w/o a laundry list of stuff the kids need/want/have to have? I mean do they out grow it EVER.

So I know the phrase about "once you a a mom, you're a mom for life" and I am so cool with that but OMG I wanna shop for me, or even for Shayne w/o worrying. Now that doesn't mean looking at a price tag, I'm ok with that too, I don't wanna be rich (well I mean I'd like too but I'm ok with my status in life at the moment LOL) but again I want to just shop w/o the back of my mind, saying "school supplies, school clothes, food, doctors money, etc etc etc" ya know what I mean?

So this is my mission for myself starting TODAY...I am gonna get SOMETHING for me...not anyone else in my darn household LOL, something...any great ideas gang? Put on those thinking caps and give me SOMETHING to shop for ME that won't make me feel guilty.

Free Speech....

...yep we all have it here in this country. But today I found myself (as I have several days in the past years) not FEELING like I have Free Speech. I mean for example the Michael Jackson stuff today....now let me preface this by saying I believe he ALWAYS meant to do good when it didn't APPEAR that he was, I also believe he holds a BIG place in musical history, but I felt very sad with the spectacle that today became. I am also a registered Democrat, but don't ALWAYS support the party, and I believe that I can vote across party lines (Oh My GOD I know right) but there I said it. Also I sometimes listen to Rush and Hannity on the radio. And while I'm on the topic I deplore people who feel they should BASH others based on their PHYSICAL appearance.

So there it is, things I have been afraid to say, there are MANY, MANY, MANY more but I still believe if I say, type, or even THINK them that some people in this country will flip out. I mean when did it become a sin against society to say "I don't really believe in what the senate or the President is doing?" I mean am I NOT allowed to have that opinion? Wanna know one reason I don't say anything? Its because I am AFRAID of how my friends, family, and acquaintances will view me. For the love of God I am (ALMOST) a 40 year old woman and I'm afraid to say some POLITICAL things because people will get mad....well NEWS FLASH they will be mad regardless. So here I am typing this and still trying to be "PC" about the whole darn thing.

So I have the right to "free speech" but I'm NOT comfortable saying it. How do I change that feeling, and shouldn't I be able to explain my friends WHY I feel the way I do...as long as I am WILLING to LISTEN to their side? Well I think I should but I don't believe that other people feel that way....so I will continue being "PC" as to NOT to offend anyone, but please people out there who feel different than I do, know that my beliefs don't make me any less of the person you have grown to love and appreciate. And if appearance means everything to you in your life, then THERAPY is a really GREAT IDEA for you, since we are all INDIVIDUALS fat or thin.