Back to the Work Force.....

.....Its OFFICIAL, I started applying for work. I have already stopped at the New Cracker Barrel, and Wal-mart (seasonal is all they offer right now, but still applied). I am gonna head out to Starbucks, and a few other places this week. I also am gonna apply to be a sub with the school system, since I do have a degree, even though its not teaching, at least I can sub. I do only want part-time right now since I still have to be available to get the kids to and from activities, and on and off the bus. But it will be kinda nice to get out with ADULTS again...been a long time for me.

For my SAHM friends, I know you wanna know why I'm going, and its for these reasons:

• It was the agreement with hubby when the kids all went to school I'd go back


• I am a crappy housekeeper so if I'm out there working, then it kind of null and voids SOME of the mess LOL


• Finally I really want to see a paycheck...and minimal as it maybe in my own name.

Ya know Shayne has NEVER made an issue out of it and really hasn't yet, but I gotta get out there again, and I am scared...crazy I know, but its been a LONG, time since I have done this in the real world.

I also made a HUGE decision, I am going back to school....I so wished I had the strength to be a nurse then the job market would be a lot more lucrative for me and it would be a HUGE increase in pay for this household LOL but I am really scared to go do it....I don't think I can....but we'll see.

I never thought I'd be scared to go to work, but it feels like its been FOREVER since I have been out there, God give me the strength to do this.

It never ends...

...ya know at 40...yes I am finally the big 40 LOL and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be 20 yrs ago LOL. Anyway, I will say I have found myself looking back over my life and there have been some really GREAT memories in my life....and I know I'm supposed to be THANKFUL for even the bad, but there are somethings I am so...so.....I don't even have the words to describe how shocked I am by some stuff.

Ya know I have made many WONDERFUL, and LIFE LONG friends. I will tell you that I have lost, forgotten and decided not to keep some people I THOUGHT were my friends, and there is always a reason for everything. In high school there was always the teenage drama, and the stealing of others boyfriends/girlfriends, and dates, and dances, and a few big fibs to parents about times/places....but all in all it was teenage stuff, and I BELIEVED we'd all grow up and none of that crap would exist anymore.

Well to my surprise, I have found that the drama and what not never goes away, it just turns into bigger, and usually stupider issues. I look as people and wonder why or even how they can stand all the crap swirling around them....then I realized, as much as I hate that CHAOS in my life, there are apparently some people who NEED/WANT/HAVE TO HAVE it in their lives to survive....makes me sad that the stress they must have associated with all that crap eats them alive, but I guess you can't help people who don't' want to be helped.

I am happy with my life...now don't get confused and think its all a bed of roses, it isn't , but I have found that remembering WHO and WHAT is truly important in your life helps eliminate the chaos and drama. Sometimes there are hard decisions that have to be made in order to get too or stay chaos free, but they are necessary decisions. I have accepted that I have a LOUD family, and we LOVE to eat, my house is not my dream home, but what I love on my budget, my cars, although I LOVE hubby's mustang, the mom mobile, well eventually it'll be something else LOL, and that my bills are paid, and we only have a little breathing room left, but some how that is truly more than enough for me. I once heard a rumor that someone said "oh she makes it like they are never suffering when she talks" and that person was right, I do, because we aren't suffering, yeah the 1st of the month SUCKS, but I know in two weeks I have some extra for a few dinners out.

So my first blog back after months isn't as Pollyanna as I would have liked it to be, but in a round-a-bout way its a THANKFUL kind of post...I mean I am thankful for my family, the friends I have close to me right now, and for all the material things I didn't think I ever wanted LOL. I am happy my husband fights for our country, and that he is home safe this year. I am thankful that my kids (aspergers and adhd included) are my kids, cause NO ONE else could raise them they way that we can....and no one would love them like we do.

Look around your life, and "declutter" it. If you have to have all the chaos to survive then its ok too, but remember its easier to smile in a clean home (life) than a dirty one. Happy November gang.