Pictures....

Ya know today was ANOTHER eye opening moment in my life. I was looking to change my Facebook picture and realized that there are little to no pictures of me.

Well my first excuse was "its cause I'm always behind the camera." Which for the most part is true. But then I thought about the fact that I have this one friend who is always commenting on my smile and saying things like you look happy, and it forced me to look at the few shots I do have and I realized something.....yep I hate my picture taken. Its like dental surgery when I HAVE to have my picture taken, so I do that FORCED, or FAKE smile. Always makes me mad when my friend says what she says and it dawned on me that she's right. No one would know if I was happy in my pictures, because I NEVER get in them.

So now I am stuck with the thoughts that if, God forbid, I died tomorrow that my kids would have no pictures of me, and it made me sad. So I am on a mission...and its a big one:

I need to accept that like it or not I am currently not as pretty as I would like to be, and I am not skinny, but this is who I am (at this moment) so I need to embrace who I am and STOP being ASHAMED to get my picture taken. I guess in my mind if I am NOT in the picture then I dont' have to once again feel bad that the diet/exercise program I am on isn't moving as fast as I want it too. I am on the right path, but its not an overnight thing, so I will get in pictues with my kids, and my husband, and I will try to start loving myself more.

See I told you it was a BIG mission....but I'm a Navy wife I can do ANYTHING I set my mind too. I promise to post when I get some shots LOL.

If you could....

....do anything in your life what would that be? I want that one DREAM, that you always saw yourself doing. Remember this dream could be a job, an activity/hobby, or anything. None of the stuff that enters our decision making realm can apply here. It is just the ONE thing you DREAMED of doing your whole life.

For me it was writing. I love to write, and it makes me happy when others read my stuff. However I am a big sissy when it comes to submitting anything to anyone. I'm safe here on my blogs, I can write what I think or feel or believe and readers can judge, but its still my blog. If I were to submit any of my writings OFFICIALLY, I stand the chance of being told "I suck" or better yet "keep your day job." Yep for me I wished I could find the inner strength to "Just do it" (thanks Nike for the line).

So tell me its a new year, a new decade and everyday is a new chance to be or do something else that we thought of or dreamed of....The sky is the limit for ALL of us.

Its time....

2010 is here and it came in with such AMAZING moments. I spent it with my SIL and BIL in the snow in Ohio, and loved it. I also logged onto Facebook and found an email from a friend who went MIA from our family's life a while ago, and he is our older son's Godfather, so we've been trying to reconnect, and who was the email from...yep that friend.

Ya know God works in mysterious ways, and I'm ready to accept and not question as much as I have in the past. Today I spent a couple hours talking to my sister and its been months since we had a the time to really sit and talk.

I have scheduled my upcoming DR's appts, and I am finally taking hold of the thyroid issue. Yep I am hitting the ground running this year. There will be NO MORE DRAMA in my life, and if the people involved with that can't respect that I don't want it there, then maybe some (re) evaluation all the way around is needed...who knows.

I am NOT gonna be positive everyday, that's CRAZY to think I could be. However that being said I am gonna "stop and smell the roses" a little bit more. I love my life, but don't like everything in it, so what do we tell our kids "don't like it, then either deal with it, or make changes" so for me I will deal or make changes. I want to enjoy my life, I want to live IN the moment not FOR the moment. And I refuse this year to wish it away. I mean I spend so many days "waiting, and wishing" for the week-end or the next vacation day, or whatever, that I realized I am wishing my life away, and at 40 yrs old, that isn't a great idea anymore.

This last year:

• a friend lost her husband, and a I am in awe of her beauty, determination, and strength, she is AMAZING.


• I made a friend, or keeps me grounded and I keep her grounded at times....she is the epitimy of what a best friend would be if we labeled each other that....she and I found each other when dealing with something else in our lives.


• I had a fight with my mom,


• spoke to my grandparents for the 1st time in 5 years,


• saw a new baby,


• Lost friend who I had for years,


• learned some HARD life lessons,


• realized that being right and knowing it is way better than saying "I told you so" thats kind of bitchy LOL.


• I renewed my wedding vows on an island with my husband


• I applied for school


• I watched my children struggle without their dad home again for 1/2 the year while he deployed, and we survived it all.

Life is exactly like Forest Gump says "its a box of chocolates" and this year I refuse to not enjoy each one. Happy 2010 my friends...I hope it finds you full of joy, love, happiness, and only good things.