Best Laid Plans....

For weeks we have been planing a "pseudo" vacation to Ohio....not really a vacation but a working break from reality. See my SIL is moving in from WA state and my BIL isn't coming till they sell their house out there, so I took my "BIG" boys up to help her get the house set up.....well best laid plans....the moving van didn't show up on Monday. So they helped her with the two cars, and dragging in stuff she needed done, so we did get some things done for her, but not as much as we would have liked. We also stopped to visit our best friend (of the family) and had a blast....but time goes so fast. I did get to the ROGERS sale, and OMG how I miss it. We also ate Hot Dog Shoppe, and Italos, and Mary's pizza, and it was heaven. No place like the Ohio Valley makes pizza like that.

Finally the "issue" of our visit....as previously mentioned in an earlier blog, you all know that my in-laws haven't been getting along with us...well me at the moment since Shayne is gone. But it was Father's day and I felt the need to stop. Now I LOVE Shayne's dad, he truly is nonjudgmental...or at least appears that way. I was scared to death to walk in there, and my husband gave me a list of rules (which I did adhere too since they are his family...not mine as I've been told (by several of his relatives) over the years....I'm just married in LOL...go figure)....anyway, my FIL was very kind and I felt very "at ease" with him. My "best laid plans" here were to kind of mend fences with my MIL....well needless to say I left feeling worse on Sunday than I did when we left in April. Ya know I THINK I have accepted that she does truly hate me, and I can live with that. But once again, my kids felt bad. See I don't need ANYONE to tell me how GREAT my kids are, but once in a damn while it would be nice if she acted like she gave a crap about them. So the visit is OVER and I can guarantee that her unwillingness to be happy (or at least FAKE it, like I have LOTS over the years) just served to reinforce how I will NOT fix this mess....and I can. I mean after 17 years, Shayne would listen to me, and I could schmooze the mess over, and it would be ok, but guess what....I'm NOT. Now this may make me a crappy person, DIL, I don't care, I have given more than most DIL's would and I REFUSE to give anymore.

She once said to me that "she was old enough to say what she wanted and still be respected." Well I hated that then, but guess what I feel that way today. I will NEVER feel bad about her or her feelings again. See the "obligatory" side of my upbringing NEEDS me to fix this, but that "bitchy" side says NO. So today I have decided that unless my husband says "I HAVE too (which he NEVER would he knows better, when I stick my feet in the sand)" the kids and I have decided we OFFICIALLY will be at a HOTEL while he visits his family in the future, or they are more than welcome to come here....that HOME TURF advantage is all I have going for me. I have 5 people in my life who I would die for, and although one is gone at the moment, NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is going to make his wife, and kids feel bad again. So if any of the "in-laws" who hate me read this, here is my message to you: "Ball is in your court, you want to be involved...come on back, otherwise we'll be fine w/o you...sad, but fine."

Thanks my blog reading friends for letting me vent...it was necessary.

You have TWO Choices (disclaimer here)

~DISCLAIMER~

I wrote this blog in December of last year on another site I belong too, and it got some NOT so happy responses from a few people. But today in looking over my life, I realized that this is such a GREAT post, that I needed to put it here to REMIND myself. So gang READ it, COMMENT on it, and then take a DEEP BREATH and THINK about it.

You have TWO Choices....

...in your life, and ONLY two. You can choose to be happy with your life and enjoy the adventure, or you can choose to be miserable. And before you say, "Well, no there are lots of other choices I have to make in my life." But that's not true, see every choice you make in your life falls in behind how you choose to approach your life.

So its your choice, and only yours....What choice are you gonna make. Today I am going to be HAPPY....I am going to enjoy my adventure that is my life.

Tomorrow is the LAST DAY....

.....of SCHOOL for this year. I am filled with giddy excitement, knowing that I will have two a days for football, and a trip to Ohio, and my dear friends dogs, fish, and turtles to take care of for a month, but guess what I am now ALMOST a mom with ALL of the kids in school. In 10 weeks (give or take) I will wake all of them up and put all of them on the bus. No I am NOT wishing summer away, I am PRACTICING for that day next September when I DON'T wanna cry LOL.

So my plans this summer HOPEFULLY include a trip to the "theater" to see my darling husband who is deployed still. The plan is for me to go by myself (YEP NO KIDS) for about a week. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous about flying over the ocean, leaving my kids (cause as you know NO ONE can do what we do for our kids LOL), and well seeing hin sooner than I expected (won't have lost the whole amount of weight I wanted too). But to be w/o my kids for the first time since "the sperm met the egg" sixteen years ago, is so exciting.

Shayne and I work very hard to have an "us" in the middle of our "chaotic" life. Now we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all the running we do with and for the kids, but a LONG time ago we knew that Marriage (no matter how good it is) is a job that has to have effort, and love, and work put into it to make it grow. So we try to put more into it so when the kids are gone (yes I typed those words...I know they have to leave someday LOL) there will be something of US to enjoy.

So tomorrow begins a ROUGH countdown to my departure date (its gotta be approved yet) so as of tomorrow I will be 43 days from seeing my husband, exchanging our vows under the stars and moon on the beach...just us, and swimming in the clearest water (so he says) that we have ever seen. So come on this adventure with me, I promise we'll have fun TOGETHER, and we all know I'll NEED the support.

Retail therapy....

.....credit card, checks, debit cards, cash oh my....credit card, check, debit card, cash Oh my. Now here's the thing...pay day is NEXT week. BUT (notice the caps LOL) I NEEDED some "retail therapy" today. So, thank you Shayne for having good credit and letting me have the credit card to order my Magellan GPS (for my trip to Ohio...now I won't get lost), and a CHEAP stop at Gamestop for the kids, and well a new pair of shorts because I need a SMALLER size (see man holding sign). And I came home with crystal lite, bottled water, and flavored water...no junk food. So all in all it was a THERAPUTIC day for NECESSARY things right?

Well not so sure Shayne would understand the whole RETAIL THERAPY thing, but um here's the best, he called to let me know he'd be going to midnights (long story there) and I hate it, but its life....anyway, he said "I NEEDED to get a new pair of running shoes." Now I'm sure he did, but guess what, I figure it was the FAMILY RETAIL THERAPY day so I'm cool with the whole thing LOL. Pay day is Friday I'll just send extra to the darn credit card LOL.

Now with regards to shopping, and MOST husbands hating it, I have found that my mom's life lessons of hanging it in the closet, removing the tags and throwing away any bag for proof. When they say "is that new" saying "this old thing" is usually the way to go. However if this is your mode of operation in hiding clothes, for the love of God DO NOT let your 5 yr old daughter see your clothes LOL or she TELLS. HOWEVER, there is the way around that just in case you are a newbie at this whole thing. Buy her a $3 Littlest Pet shop toy so she is FIXATED on that when dad says "what did ya all do today?" She'll say "oh mommy got me a pet shop dog" and I can get on the phone and say "it was $3 she worked so hard this week I thought I'd be nice." How does he begrudge his 5 yr old "ANGEL" the $3 toy? He can't...so now new clothes for mom are a DISTANT memory...SCORE you got away with it.

Now on the off chance he SEES the credit card statement, you cover this by bringing him home something he wanted/needs/ must have (beer/wine or any liquor also helps)....if he has something tangible in his hands then when he actually see the credit card bill...you can say "babe that was your new chain saw and that really expensive beer you liked so much." Now you know it didn't cost $300 but who cares...he can't yell because it's HIS chainsaw and beer LOL...again PROBLEM averted.

So I've given you a few options to "HIDE" your retail therapy. But you could be lucky enough (as I am at the moment) that he be "out of the country" and not able to pay bills ROFL. By the time he comes home the clothes will be OFFICIALLY OLD, and the ORIGINAL credit card bill will be LONG gone with SEVERAL, EXTRA payments posted LOL.

Have you "retail therapied" today? Have a great week-end gang.

Changes are....

....inevitable. I know that we can't keep our little ones from growing up, or stop our big ones from getting any older, but someday I wished I could. This morning I dressed my youngest [baby] boy in dress pants, dress shirt, and tie to go to his kindergarten graduation. I remember every single moment of his life from the temperatures TRYING to get pregnant, to a dog bite in his face, to the dx of Aspergers and the uncertainty that he'd make it to 1st grade this year.

So today started out saying good by to my baby boy and hello to my big 1st grader. I am so very proud of how far Seth has come this year, and although I am nervous of some back stepping into his next adventure, I know now how to help him, and I think that as long as we stay focused, and understanding of his "special-ness" that he'll be ok, and so will I.

Now earlier I mentioned that I can't stop my big one from getting older, and I can't. We are ordering his Letterman jacket, and his class ring all w/in the next month, and he has to register with the NCAA on the off chance he plays football or wrestles in college...OMG college. But I walked into the auditorium at the high school tonight for what will likely be his last band concert of his life. Oh how I have enjoyed seeing him up on that stage, and having played low brass for a few years (in my past life LOL) I always hear his part above those woodwinds. But he is likely to drop band to get in a few more electives that will help him in college. I support it with a heavy heart, because one I don't want him to grow up so fast, and two I LOVED band, and I he plays so well that I just feel bad. But as the mom of a teenager I have learned that we can only STEER them in the direction we want, they still make their own decisions.

So today went from youngest to oldest with changes, and it was overwhelming a bit but I survived. I missed my husband seeing Seth today and I know he would have melted when he saw that handsome little boy of ours walk up and get the "most improved" student award, or when pomp and circumstance played, but I know he's way more prepared than I am for this. His words when I said graduation on Tuesday were "only 12 more years...so start preparing now we know it takes you a long time" LOL...and he's right.

But what I wanna know is if as mom's we are ever prepared for the "cutting of the apron strings?" Changes are inevitable and although variety is the "spice" of life, I'm occasionally all for being stagnant LOL.

Have a great night everyone.

Life Lessons....

.....the other day my sister said "its only a life lesson if you learn something from it" and technically she's right. But then I thought about my life, and how MANY, MANY...well TOO many to count times I have had to relearn the "life lesson." Now does that mean I didn't learn it the first time, I'm really stupid, or does life change so much from year to year, month to month, day to day, or moment to moment that it may "TECHNICALLY" be the same life lesson but is it really? Circular writing here at the moment....but hang in there MAYBE it'll go somewhere before the end.

So lets assume that technically its the same life lesson, but all the players and locations have changed...doesn't that therefore make it a new life lesson? See my son's are given a lot of leeway when it comes to their "mental health" days from school. That's one of the benefits of being home, is I can work their day off into my schedule. But year after year (well not every year but you get the picture) here we are at the end of the year and they want a day off....well no can do, you already took your days off this year. So the pissing and moaning continues. I can say (another GREAT mom moment in my life BE KIND) during the first deployment (which I have already fessed up too that I did CRAPPY and so did the kids) Osten took on a whole new role for himself and our family...so I never said NO (never fear I have learned LOL) if he wanted a day off. It's 8th grade and he's already got classes scheduled for 9th and guess what the report card says "retained for attendance" OMG I almost crapped...where did I miscount, what the hell do I do now. Well luckily where we were ALLOWED him to work the 5 days after school let out from 8-2 (cleaning/stocking/ whatever they needed to close up shop) and he got his days counted and did pass. So should he have learned to not skip school or should I have learned or in the best case scenario should BOTH of us have learned?

Well here we are...another deployment, the end of the school year, and whiny kids. NONE of them can miss days (well they can a few but their grades are crappy this year so they CAN'T miss any days) but it got me wondering if EITHER of them learned one darn thing from the "retention" report card....or do I truly suck as mother? I mean WTH is wrong with me, other than the fact I like them home...um well 98% of the time LOL. But I did LEARN and I say NO go to school...be the state's problem for a few hours (not that they are truly problems but you see where I'm going). I just don't understand where their work ethic is? I mean their dad works like a dog and always has....he doesn't take time off work for and he has reported off exactly 2 times in 17 years...so I guess genes doesn't play a role in whether work ethics are ingrained LOL.

So here I sit with two kids who can do better than they have this year, work ethic ONLY applied to the things/classes or sports that they want to apply it too, and whining that they want a day off. So wanna know what life lesson I learned in this whole blog....

Take this straw, suck it up and go to school, get a darn diploma, go to college, get a job, and get a house of your own...and for the LOVE of God don't bring me home your laundry.

I am having this printed up on white t-shirts for all of us to purchase ROFL. Think our kids will ever learn the life lessons we already know or are the destine to just make the same darn mistakes we did?

My mom taught me.....

....if you have nothing nice to say, then say NOTHING at all. Well that's the reason I have avoided blogging. I am having a hard time NOT being mean, or bitchy...or well just CRAZED. But let me back up and tell you way.... We are ORIGINALLY from "SMALL TOWN" Ohio, and things are WAY different there (all my Ohio friends and family are nodding) there is no way to explain it to you unless you have lived it. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Virginia and all it has to offer. But the other day I over heard my son's talking about "reverse discrimination" and their friends said this or that. Well most of the time I tend to IGNORE (good mom that I am) but this came on the heels of the new nomination to the Supreme Court, Sonia Sotomayor. Now here's the thing...this blog have NEVER been Republican or Democrat or whatever else you label yourself. I want to first state I am a registered Democrat, but I vote for who I BELIEVE is the best choice, I could care if they are a green alien with pink polka dots....if I BELIEVE they can do the best for our country that's how I vote.

But I digress, I was already perturbed when I heard this conversation, as the big BANNER news was 1st Latino nomination to the Supreme Court. That's what scrolled across the screen BEFORE her name came across. So I'm already stewing that this is the 1st thing they have to say? I mean how about Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's hat was just tossed into the ring. Why do I have to be told she's a woman (obvious when I see her picture) or that she's Latino. Please I am not minimizing any FIRST"S of anything...I am all for history making moments, but every damn time I turn around its a race issue. I could care if she's Latino (no disrespect to Latinos anywhere honest). For me, I'd rather hear about her record...not her "compelling life." Betcha we all have something compelling in our lives we could talk about...and trust me someone, somewhere would find our lives compelling. So I'm stewing about the darn media again. Then I hear the kids talking....now I'm good and pissed.

Racism as defined by Websters Dictionary is 1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2 : racial prejudice or discrimination. Racism is against EVERY PERSON regardless of COLOR or RELIGION. But my issue here is that REVERSE racism by definition would be NO RACISM...right? So now I feel the need to explain to the boys that Racism and Bigotry, and Sexism and whatever other -ism they can think of is just crappy and wrong. But that REVERSE RACISM isn't a true word in the way they were using it. And in the off chance someone questioned them about it, to 1. call me and 2. tell them that Websters Dictionary offers this definition when the words reverse racism is typed in The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.

So, now I have made the boys look at me like I have six heads, and I'm crazed (go figure LOL) and I'm still mad. I mean listen whether I voted for Obama or not isn't an issue but if I did it wouldn't be because he was black or wasn't black....I don't care what color any one's skin is...I want to know when (before I die maybe) will the media and individuals QUIT pointing out the "race issue." I believe that one person makes a difference, and I believe that we should all have the right to voice our opinions...and I'm all for that...BUT let me preface that by saying, I am a woman (lots of sexism still exists) and I am fat (lots of discrimination there) and I'm old (again lots of discrimination....ageism LOL). You're right I am not black or Latino and I can't understand the past other than what history books tell us, but I can tell you that I have found in the 40 years I have been alive, that bad, horrific stuff happens but if people don't find a way to mend and move on...not forget...I am NOT suggesting that at all....but to move FORWARD then we are no better off then things were when two water fountains were acceptable. I want...no, I NEED to make sure my children grow up as color blind as possible...but for the LOVE of God if the Media doesn't help us then how as parents can we do that?

So as my mom has always said "nothing nice to say, then don't say it" so goes this blog. You are more than welcome to voice you opinion, and I welcome it, BUT I can guarantee that I have the benefit of NOT having the comment on my page, IF you chose NOT to see ANOTHER point of view...doesn't mean you have to change yours...but an open dialogue is a start in ending racism once and for all. The past can NEVER (nor should it) be erased or changed, but the future is a BLANK slate, and together we can make is say what ever we want it to say. So be kind, and know that how we act today effects how our children will act in the years to come.

Happy Friday everyone.