2010.....

In a few more days most of us will make New Years Resolutions...and a few weeks later we'll forget them. This year I challenge each of us to make a resolution that ENHANCES our lives not necessarily CHANGES it. So what will you do this year?

I have decided that this year I will

• declutter the crap from my life (literally and figuratively)
• eliminate the drama
• accept that I can only control myself and not the world around me
• smile a lot more than I did in 2009 (and don't be mistaken I did have many things to smile about)

I will also add the NORMAL resolutions to my list. And they include

• exercise
• diet
• get healthier (yes at 40 I have a responsiblity to me, do watch out Doc here I come for those baselines and annuals YUCK)
  

As I look at this HUGE list and realize that more than one item on my list means a failure is probably likely. But ya know what this year instead of failing and walking away and tossing my hands up in the air, I am going to TRY, TRY, TRY again. Making a resolution doesn't mean I will accomplish it on the first try...heck if I had they wouldn't be on my list again this year would they? I want to quit being reactive in my life and start being proactive in the life I live.

Here it is....

a few days before Christmas, and I find myself in awe. No not of the lights, and peace to mankind, or kindness, or even love. No I am in awe of the fact that there are truly people out there who believe that the Solar system MUST revolve around them. Now I do believe it is a PROVEN fact that it revolves around the sun, but I could be mistaken.

Anyway, some changes in my life over the past few months....

• I am down (double digits) in weight....can't tell the TRUE amount as its a SURPRISE for my family next Thanksgiving when I see them all...I'm old its all I have for SHOCK value now LOL


• I got a GREAT hair cut...its SHORTER...but not as short as years past.


• I am taking a bit more interest in MYSELF. Ya know I have been blessed to be a SAHM for a really LONG time, and sort of got lost in that job, and forgot about me.


• and finally (refer to previous paragraph) I can NOT change anyone, or anyone's behavior. I honestly can only control mine. A LONG time ago someone I love tons, told me "you let people hurt your feelings..control what you can and forget the rest" and I thought huh you have no idea what you are talking about...but guess what...they were 100% right....I can ONLY control me and how I feel...NO ONE else is going to do that.

Ok so its not A LOT of changes but it is something more than I have done in the past few years. I forgot or lost WHO I was, and who I AM...but I have a NEW lease on ME, and I am going full steam ahead. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. And for those of you out there who BELIEVE you are all that and a bag of chips...Good for you, but forgive me if I don't fall to my knees in admiration of your behavior...we can still be friends, but I gotta make life about me for a change.

Back to the Work Force.....

.....Its OFFICIAL, I started applying for work. I have already stopped at the New Cracker Barrel, and Wal-mart (seasonal is all they offer right now, but still applied). I am gonna head out to Starbucks, and a few other places this week. I also am gonna apply to be a sub with the school system, since I do have a degree, even though its not teaching, at least I can sub. I do only want part-time right now since I still have to be available to get the kids to and from activities, and on and off the bus. But it will be kinda nice to get out with ADULTS again...been a long time for me.

For my SAHM friends, I know you wanna know why I'm going, and its for these reasons:

• It was the agreement with hubby when the kids all went to school I'd go back


• I am a crappy housekeeper so if I'm out there working, then it kind of null and voids SOME of the mess LOL


• Finally I really want to see a paycheck...and minimal as it maybe in my own name.

Ya know Shayne has NEVER made an issue out of it and really hasn't yet, but I gotta get out there again, and I am scared...crazy I know, but its been a LONG, time since I have done this in the real world.

I also made a HUGE decision, I am going back to school....I so wished I had the strength to be a nurse then the job market would be a lot more lucrative for me and it would be a HUGE increase in pay for this household LOL but I am really scared to go do it....I don't think I can....but we'll see.

I never thought I'd be scared to go to work, but it feels like its been FOREVER since I have been out there, God give me the strength to do this.

It never ends...

...ya know at 40...yes I am finally the big 40 LOL and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be 20 yrs ago LOL. Anyway, I will say I have found myself looking back over my life and there have been some really GREAT memories in my life....and I know I'm supposed to be THANKFUL for even the bad, but there are somethings I am so...so.....I don't even have the words to describe how shocked I am by some stuff.

Ya know I have made many WONDERFUL, and LIFE LONG friends. I will tell you that I have lost, forgotten and decided not to keep some people I THOUGHT were my friends, and there is always a reason for everything. In high school there was always the teenage drama, and the stealing of others boyfriends/girlfriends, and dates, and dances, and a few big fibs to parents about times/places....but all in all it was teenage stuff, and I BELIEVED we'd all grow up and none of that crap would exist anymore.

Well to my surprise, I have found that the drama and what not never goes away, it just turns into bigger, and usually stupider issues. I look as people and wonder why or even how they can stand all the crap swirling around them....then I realized, as much as I hate that CHAOS in my life, there are apparently some people who NEED/WANT/HAVE TO HAVE it in their lives to survive....makes me sad that the stress they must have associated with all that crap eats them alive, but I guess you can't help people who don't' want to be helped.

I am happy with my life...now don't get confused and think its all a bed of roses, it isn't , but I have found that remembering WHO and WHAT is truly important in your life helps eliminate the chaos and drama. Sometimes there are hard decisions that have to be made in order to get too or stay chaos free, but they are necessary decisions. I have accepted that I have a LOUD family, and we LOVE to eat, my house is not my dream home, but what I love on my budget, my cars, although I LOVE hubby's mustang, the mom mobile, well eventually it'll be something else LOL, and that my bills are paid, and we only have a little breathing room left, but some how that is truly more than enough for me. I once heard a rumor that someone said "oh she makes it like they are never suffering when she talks" and that person was right, I do, because we aren't suffering, yeah the 1st of the month SUCKS, but I know in two weeks I have some extra for a few dinners out.

So my first blog back after months isn't as Pollyanna as I would have liked it to be, but in a round-a-bout way its a THANKFUL kind of post...I mean I am thankful for my family, the friends I have close to me right now, and for all the material things I didn't think I ever wanted LOL. I am happy my husband fights for our country, and that he is home safe this year. I am thankful that my kids (aspergers and adhd included) are my kids, cause NO ONE else could raise them they way that we can....and no one would love them like we do.

Look around your life, and "declutter" it. If you have to have all the chaos to survive then its ok too, but remember its easier to smile in a clean home (life) than a dirty one. Happy November gang.

Today I realized

.....that life is too short to lose your friends, to lose your dog, to lose your prespective on things. I know, I know, I'm almost 40 (OMG only a few more weeks LOL) and I should have known this already. I do, but occassionally life throws a curve ball at you, and you have to stop, take breath, and say "ahhhh."

Friends, oh how do you even blog about them without feeling a warmth come over you, and wonder how you have gotten thru your life to this point, and how you'll get thru the rest of your life if they aren't in it? Over the years many friends and I have come and gone, and I so wished that I could talk about everyone, but there are a few I wanna talk about today.

My husband....he is truly my best friend in the entire world. I can't breathe without him. When he leaves for a deployment, I kiss him, and hug him, cry, and then hold my breath till he comes home. He saved me from myself, I didn't realize how much I could love someone till I met him. He is everything that I never knew I needed in my world.

My sister, do I call her my friend or does she only get labeled my sister? I think she is my friend first, and my sister second. She isn't married to the military, but with her job might as well be LOL. She and I have so many DIFFERENT...yet the SAME opinions, about healthcare, and politics, and our family members, and our kids, and etc, etc, etc, that I don't know where, or how we ever agree, but we do, and she is truly one of the strongest, yet nerve wracking individuals I have ever in my life met. But sis I can tell you I NEVER wanna do this with out you.

My sister in law, Terri. Now the label "in-law" automatically makes you WONDER where my brain is LOL, but here's the deal she's the "in-law" in this family too, so neither of us actually fit in. First thing I found we had in common is the fact that our husband's family doesn't like EITHER of us....I don't know why, I mean I think we are both funny as hell. But apparently, she's a bit of a snob, and I'm really tactless....ooops....like us or hate us I say (they all choose the later LOL). None the less Terri has taught me things that I never knew could or would happen in life.....lets just say "in-laws" and "dog stickers on weapons" and shopping for Coach purses are things that we laugh about so hard we can't breath some days LOL. Thank you my dear SIL, I do love you tons.

My friend Aaron, he has come and gone from my life lots over the years, and we have fought on and off, and we will continue to fight on and off, and disagree, but I will tell you that he has and continues to touch my life. The other night, I was missing Shayne so much, and I saw Aaron was on, and shot him a note, and he immediately responded with the support I needed to find my strength again...thank you my dear friend I so needed it, and I did make it thru.

My friend Peggie, honey w/o you I don't know where I'd be some days. I know I can do it, and I know I will. But you truly have been a rock in my life for so many years now. Can you believe we met online, we send Christmas cards, and you send KD movies, and two women that have never met, found "something' that keeps us connected...and I'd like to say it is more than being military wives. Thank you Peggie for always, day or night being there for me.

My friend Amber. I met her about 4 years ago when we made our first PCS to NC. Who knew that we'd be in another state now and still talk everyday....sometimes SEVERAL times a day LOL. Amber and I are COMPLETELY different on our views, but we somehow found a common ground to meet and be friends on. I treasure the times we have had together and know that whatever the future holds for both of us that we'll always have each other to fall back on.

And finally my newest, yet should be an older, friend Emily. She and Amber have been BFF's for years before I came into the picture, and then we met, spoke, and then I busted on Amber every time she'd call me re: a situation, and I'd say "well what does Emily say?" Not like I really cared, I was just prying to see what the "BFF" said, since apparently I wasn't that person. So recently Amber has had some HUGE cliffs to climb in her life and her marriage, and Amber brought Emily and I together on the phone. Now we (Amber, Emily, and I) talk everyday, and we laugh. Emily is a mom, military wife, and the funniest person I think I have ever met. At first we talked out of worry, and looking for ways to help our friend. But one day we got on the phone and it was "no holds bar" laughing about kids, and husbands, and jobs, and the military, and pop tarts. Emily is going to Japan in a few months, and for most friends that would be hard on a relationship. But see Emily and I (although we've met in the past face to face) are phone friends, so it'll be ok for us. I get up early, she's the "knight rider" so we'll meet in the middle to chat. I am glad I met her, and thank God everyday for making me laugh.

And finally, my friend Donna. I'm not sure what God was thinking when he held her from my life till right now. But her husband is in the Navy, he's deployed right now, we have a lot of the same beliefs regarding PTA and kids, and love, and shopping, and currently cleaning...neither of us wanna do it LOL. Donna makes me smile, and although I wanna kick her ass for talking me into PTSA for ANOTHER whole year, I'm grateful for her friendship, and thankful for Starbucks and the laughs we share.

So there you have it a FEW of my "adult" friends in my life that help me get thru each and every day. I don't know where I'd be without any one of them. So today, as I watched my dog get sicker, and slowly get ready to die, I realized that I don't want to lose anyone of these people from my life, and I will work to keep my friendships close to my heart forever. Thank you gang for being in my life.

Funny moments

Over the years I have many memories of "funny moments" they include my friends, my family, of course my sister, my kids and my husband. Today I was reading a friends "note" on Facebook about the "100 things your kids may Never know about" and as I glanced down the list, I found myself actually LAUGHING....not just a quiet smirk to myself, but actually LAUGHING OUT LOUD. My kids were like "mom what is it?" That in itself only made me laugh harder, cause now I KNEW I was gonna be explaining some things on the list.

First and foremost let me tell everyone (those who aren't on my FB page LOL) that my A/C broke on Wednesday (10 days before payday and its like 90+ degrees...it sucks). The kids have been so dramatic about it....."mom we don't want groceries we want air conditioning" LOL. So this lead into the discussion of how MOST of us didn't grow up with A/C until we were in High School (many moons ago) and that lead to the NO computers and NO cable, my God what did you do for fun conversations. I have truly NEVER laughed as hard as I did just watching their faces contort into shapes that looked like someone cut off their air supply.

So then I read this list and I'm LOL. The kids (hot as hell in this house) are standing over my shoulder reading along with me, and they were like "8 track tapes what the heck are those?" Now I just laughed. So I got online and sent the link to Shayne so that he could laugh too. I LOVE to realize how OLD I am, and I'm truly OK with truning 40 this year (at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it LOL), but some of the things on this list...OMG it was so sad to think about that the kids will NEVER know a walkman....or that they don't LIVE for cartoons on Saturday morning because Cartoon Network is on 24/7. Don't get me wrong I LOVE techenology, I mean take FB for example, I have reconnected with tons of long lost friends from my HS days, and I am so thankful for that....but boy NOT having all the EASY stuff made us work harder for things (I think). I mean NONE of us would have ever said "I'm bored" to our parents...we'd have already been outside playing.

So today I challenge each of you to read this post (thank you Peggie) and talk to your child, your love ones, or your friends and have a great laugh at what we all endured, and Maybe in 30+ more years we will see a list from our kids and can be in awe of how far the world has gone, and be a bit meloncoly about what it left behind.

Changes....

....ya know it amazes me how life is ever changing, good and bad, its truly the example of a circle. Everything is intertwined, and cause and effect are certainly rampant in our lives. But sometimes we forget there are consequences to our decisions. So today I wanna talk about a friend of mine...who is awe inspiring at the moment.

See I have this friend who I have known for several years, and since the day I met her, she has had TROUBLES. Some days she would frustrate me to no end, because I am "older and wiser (meaning I have already done what she's doing)" and I would be my over bearing self and TRY to FIX or in some cases CONTROL the issues at hand. So over the years I have grown to accept that many and most of my suggestions would fall on deaf ears. Then one day in the not so distant past here, she was like "oh my God you were right." After a moment of two of "what the hell are you talking about?" It dawned on me, that she was finally regaining CONTROL of her OWN life. My support and advice, and lectures hadn't fallen on deaf ears, they were there all the time, she just needed to realize she was a STRONGER woman than she THOUGHT she was. She and I both realize the consequences associated with EITHER decision, and she's willing to WORK through those consequences.

Currently my friend is making CHANGES in her life, and she is STRUGGLING with the decisions she MIGHT have to make, but I have found that TRUE FRIENDSHIP no matter how often you FORGET is the change in our lives we need. My friend has a long road ahead and A LOT of changes (no matter which decision she makes) but I do know that I will be there for her every step of the way. My life changed the day I met my friend, and it will never be the same, and every day is a step in who knows what direction, but I do know I'm glad we're making so many memories together. So take a second today to tell that friend how much they mean to you. And my dear friend when you read this, know I SUPPORT whatever decision you make for YOUR LIFE, and I will gladly help you walk whatever path you choose....you are my friend....for life.

I am Woman hear me roar....

....well hear me whine. My cat got sick, I gave up my hair coloring money (guess I'm on root patrol here at home awhile longer :( ) to fix my baby. But it got me thinking, since I became a mother I give up so much...and most of the time I am fine with it, but what I wanna know is if I ever get to spend on me w/o a laundry list of stuff the kids need/want/have to have? I mean do they out grow it EVER.

So I know the phrase about "once you a a mom, you're a mom for life" and I am so cool with that but OMG I wanna shop for me, or even for Shayne w/o worrying. Now that doesn't mean looking at a price tag, I'm ok with that too, I don't wanna be rich (well I mean I'd like too but I'm ok with my status in life at the moment LOL) but again I want to just shop w/o the back of my mind, saying "school supplies, school clothes, food, doctors money, etc etc etc" ya know what I mean?

So this is my mission for myself starting TODAY...I am gonna get SOMETHING for me...not anyone else in my darn household LOL, something...any great ideas gang? Put on those thinking caps and give me SOMETHING to shop for ME that won't make me feel guilty.

Free Speech....

...yep we all have it here in this country. But today I found myself (as I have several days in the past years) not FEELING like I have Free Speech. I mean for example the Michael Jackson stuff today....now let me preface this by saying I believe he ALWAYS meant to do good when it didn't APPEAR that he was, I also believe he holds a BIG place in musical history, but I felt very sad with the spectacle that today became. I am also a registered Democrat, but don't ALWAYS support the party, and I believe that I can vote across party lines (Oh My GOD I know right) but there I said it. Also I sometimes listen to Rush and Hannity on the radio. And while I'm on the topic I deplore people who feel they should BASH others based on their PHYSICAL appearance.

So there it is, things I have been afraid to say, there are MANY, MANY, MANY more but I still believe if I say, type, or even THINK them that some people in this country will flip out. I mean when did it become a sin against society to say "I don't really believe in what the senate or the President is doing?" I mean am I NOT allowed to have that opinion? Wanna know one reason I don't say anything? Its because I am AFRAID of how my friends, family, and acquaintances will view me. For the love of God I am (ALMOST) a 40 year old woman and I'm afraid to say some POLITICAL things because people will get mad....well NEWS FLASH they will be mad regardless. So here I am typing this and still trying to be "PC" about the whole darn thing.

So I have the right to "free speech" but I'm NOT comfortable saying it. How do I change that feeling, and shouldn't I be able to explain my friends WHY I feel the way I do...as long as I am WILLING to LISTEN to their side? Well I think I should but I don't believe that other people feel that way....so I will continue being "PC" as to NOT to offend anyone, but please people out there who feel different than I do, know that my beliefs don't make me any less of the person you have grown to love and appreciate. And if appearance means everything to you in your life, then THERAPY is a really GREAT IDEA for you, since we are all INDIVIDUALS fat or thin.

Got Book?

Ok, so this certainly wasn't my blog idea today, but I found it so inspiring when the boys and I sat down and started talking about it, that I had to utilize it here rather than on my Facebook notes as the instructions state. So Snowflake, my dear friend, thank you for giving me a topic that forced me to delve into the files in my mind. And when I came up short, I looked to my kids who reminded me what "WE" have read over the years in this house....and personally ANY topic that gets TEENAGERS talking to us that isn't video game related (LOL) I believe is a GREAT TOPIC. SO here we go.....

BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up? Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'X' after those you have read (some are series, so list which volumes you've read). Tag other Book Nerds.

So as I found myself scrolling my minds memories, I realized that there are SO MANY more that I would add to this list that I BELIEVE everyone should read.

How about:

Mya Angelou’s- I know why the caged bird sings

James Baldwin’s- Notes of a Native son

Flann O’brien’s- At swim two birds

Nathaniel Hawthorn’s- The scarlet Letter

Samuel Clemens’- Mark Twain

Miguel de Cervantes- Don Quixote

Alexandre Dumas- Man in an Iron Mask

Author Unknown- Beowulf

I know there are TONS more, but I can’t think of them right now darn it. Maybe we should start our own list LOL and see where we could go together.

Note: This isn't a contest! Just a cool way to see what your friends have been up to. So please feel free to add a book you think should be on here, or any comments you have. In this busy world we live in, I think LOTS of times we FORGET that there is a HUGE literary world out there waiting to "feed our minds."

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen [X]
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien [X]
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte [X]
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling [X]
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee [X]
6. The Bible [x]
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte[x]
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell [X]
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott [X]
12. Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare [X] Not *all*, but enough to hold a conversation
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien [X]
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger [X]
19. The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell [X]
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald [x]
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams [x]
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky[X]
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck [x]
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll [X]
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis [X]
34. Emma - Jane Austen [x]
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis [X]
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini [X]
38. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Berniere
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden [X]
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne [X]
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery [x]
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding [x]
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel [x]
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen[x]
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens [X]
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck [X]
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas [x]
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville [X]
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens [X]
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker [x]
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett [x]
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce [X]
76. The Inferno – Dante [x]
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens [X]
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker[X]
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte’s Web - EB White [X]
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom [X]
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle [x]
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad[X]
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams[x]
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas[x]
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare [X]
99.Charlie & the Chocolate Factory-Roald Dahl [X]
100.Les Miserables - Victor Hugo [X]

Going to be POSITIVE today...

...since I left for Ohio a few weeks ago, I have found myself in a funk, that I can't seem to get out of, and I don't know why. So today I am going to do the things I have been AVOIDING....ya know cleaning GOOD, and cooking REAL food, and well getting back on the Wii Fit (yes I know Deanna I promised I'd keep at it but well food in the valley killed me LOL).

I just read a friends blog on Facebook and I am gonna link to it since it INSPIRED me to MOVE IT today. I have so much going for me in life, and although I HATE looking back at any past mistakes, I know sometimes we have too. But I few my past problems/issues/mistakes as the stepping stones that got me to this point in my life. I truly LOVE my life....now don't get me wrong I am NOT all Pollyanna that its PERFECT, its far from, I mean we have money issues and fights like everyone else, but I truly when I look at the GREAT things in my life I LOVE it. So although I like everyone reading this has past "baggage" we carry with us I BELIEVE that I have overcome it.

My husband (yes some days I wanna kill him LOL) is truly the man I have longed to be with FOREVER. He doesn't realize what a better person I am because of him, and he doesn't realize that his acceptance of who I am, for better or worse, is what inspires me to be a better person. I was not skinny but "normal" in high school, and never endured those "fat" comments that some girls endure, and for that I'm grateful...have no fear there were other things to make fun of. But when I got pregnant 16 years ago, I put on 110 lbs with my first son, and since then have not gotten all of it off. Understand its not for NOT trying as some people would like to say, I do try, and most to the time I succeed in getting 1/2 of it off, but OMG I am 40 years old and the thought of eating and living like that FOREVER gets kinda depressing.

I have found that the ONE thing in life I despise more than anything are "reformed" people. I mean I don't smoke but OMG those poor people who do have to hear NON-STOP from those who have quit. I am a fat girl (currently) and there is someone in my life who deplores FAT, and when I look back at their life I remember that they weren't always the "healthiest" LOL. But God love my sister and my husband who remind me that I am who I am, and loved for who I am...not who a "reformed" person is so condescending too. Sometimes I think if people would "mind their own business, and NOT be so damn "judgmental" on purpose or not, that the majority of the problems we face in life wouldn't be issues. And I am FAR from perfect, I mean I was raised in a small town, and had those beliefs that we all have that until you get out into the "real" world you can finally see the other side. I have become MORE accepting in my years, and I find it disheartening when I look at someone else who is so judgmental and cruel to people. I fear that someday that person is going to look around themselves and find they are alone with only vain, uncaring people, and that maybe they will finally realize what the LOST.

Life is an adventure and we can be POSITIVE or NEGATIVE....I chose to be POSITIVE today, and LISTEN and HEAR my husband, my sister, and my children who LOVE me so much for who I am NOT who some people THINK I should be, and for that I can't thank you all enough.

***as a side note on the off chance you are THAT person I reference in this blog...don't bother commenting, I don't care what you think anymore. I am always here for an email or phone call, but not to be the "fat" girl you can make fun of...I am BETTER than that, and because I am ACCEPTING of everyone, that makes me better than you, and that I can live with.****

Best Laid Plans....

For weeks we have been planing a "pseudo" vacation to Ohio....not really a vacation but a working break from reality. See my SIL is moving in from WA state and my BIL isn't coming till they sell their house out there, so I took my "BIG" boys up to help her get the house set up.....well best laid plans....the moving van didn't show up on Monday. So they helped her with the two cars, and dragging in stuff she needed done, so we did get some things done for her, but not as much as we would have liked. We also stopped to visit our best friend (of the family) and had a blast....but time goes so fast. I did get to the ROGERS sale, and OMG how I miss it. We also ate Hot Dog Shoppe, and Italos, and Mary's pizza, and it was heaven. No place like the Ohio Valley makes pizza like that.

Finally the "issue" of our visit....as previously mentioned in an earlier blog, you all know that my in-laws haven't been getting along with us...well me at the moment since Shayne is gone. But it was Father's day and I felt the need to stop. Now I LOVE Shayne's dad, he truly is nonjudgmental...or at least appears that way. I was scared to death to walk in there, and my husband gave me a list of rules (which I did adhere too since they are his family...not mine as I've been told (by several of his relatives) over the years....I'm just married in LOL...go figure)....anyway, my FIL was very kind and I felt very "at ease" with him. My "best laid plans" here were to kind of mend fences with my MIL....well needless to say I left feeling worse on Sunday than I did when we left in April. Ya know I THINK I have accepted that she does truly hate me, and I can live with that. But once again, my kids felt bad. See I don't need ANYONE to tell me how GREAT my kids are, but once in a damn while it would be nice if she acted like she gave a crap about them. So the visit is OVER and I can guarantee that her unwillingness to be happy (or at least FAKE it, like I have LOTS over the years) just served to reinforce how I will NOT fix this mess....and I can. I mean after 17 years, Shayne would listen to me, and I could schmooze the mess over, and it would be ok, but guess what....I'm NOT. Now this may make me a crappy person, DIL, I don't care, I have given more than most DIL's would and I REFUSE to give anymore.

She once said to me that "she was old enough to say what she wanted and still be respected." Well I hated that then, but guess what I feel that way today. I will NEVER feel bad about her or her feelings again. See the "obligatory" side of my upbringing NEEDS me to fix this, but that "bitchy" side says NO. So today I have decided that unless my husband says "I HAVE too (which he NEVER would he knows better, when I stick my feet in the sand)" the kids and I have decided we OFFICIALLY will be at a HOTEL while he visits his family in the future, or they are more than welcome to come here....that HOME TURF advantage is all I have going for me. I have 5 people in my life who I would die for, and although one is gone at the moment, NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is going to make his wife, and kids feel bad again. So if any of the "in-laws" who hate me read this, here is my message to you: "Ball is in your court, you want to be involved...come on back, otherwise we'll be fine w/o you...sad, but fine."

Thanks my blog reading friends for letting me vent...it was necessary.

You have TWO Choices (disclaimer here)

~DISCLAIMER~

I wrote this blog in December of last year on another site I belong too, and it got some NOT so happy responses from a few people. But today in looking over my life, I realized that this is such a GREAT post, that I needed to put it here to REMIND myself. So gang READ it, COMMENT on it, and then take a DEEP BREATH and THINK about it.

You have TWO Choices....

...in your life, and ONLY two. You can choose to be happy with your life and enjoy the adventure, or you can choose to be miserable. And before you say, "Well, no there are lots of other choices I have to make in my life." But that's not true, see every choice you make in your life falls in behind how you choose to approach your life.

So its your choice, and only yours....What choice are you gonna make. Today I am going to be HAPPY....I am going to enjoy my adventure that is my life.

Tomorrow is the LAST DAY....

.....of SCHOOL for this year. I am filled with giddy excitement, knowing that I will have two a days for football, and a trip to Ohio, and my dear friends dogs, fish, and turtles to take care of for a month, but guess what I am now ALMOST a mom with ALL of the kids in school. In 10 weeks (give or take) I will wake all of them up and put all of them on the bus. No I am NOT wishing summer away, I am PRACTICING for that day next September when I DON'T wanna cry LOL.

So my plans this summer HOPEFULLY include a trip to the "theater" to see my darling husband who is deployed still. The plan is for me to go by myself (YEP NO KIDS) for about a week. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was nervous about flying over the ocean, leaving my kids (cause as you know NO ONE can do what we do for our kids LOL), and well seeing hin sooner than I expected (won't have lost the whole amount of weight I wanted too). But to be w/o my kids for the first time since "the sperm met the egg" sixteen years ago, is so exciting.

Shayne and I work very hard to have an "us" in the middle of our "chaotic" life. Now we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all the running we do with and for the kids, but a LONG time ago we knew that Marriage (no matter how good it is) is a job that has to have effort, and love, and work put into it to make it grow. So we try to put more into it so when the kids are gone (yes I typed those words...I know they have to leave someday LOL) there will be something of US to enjoy.

So tomorrow begins a ROUGH countdown to my departure date (its gotta be approved yet) so as of tomorrow I will be 43 days from seeing my husband, exchanging our vows under the stars and moon on the beach...just us, and swimming in the clearest water (so he says) that we have ever seen. So come on this adventure with me, I promise we'll have fun TOGETHER, and we all know I'll NEED the support.

Retail therapy....

.....credit card, checks, debit cards, cash oh my....credit card, check, debit card, cash Oh my. Now here's the thing...pay day is NEXT week. BUT (notice the caps LOL) I NEEDED some "retail therapy" today. So, thank you Shayne for having good credit and letting me have the credit card to order my Magellan GPS (for my trip to Ohio...now I won't get lost), and a CHEAP stop at Gamestop for the kids, and well a new pair of shorts because I need a SMALLER size (see man holding sign). And I came home with crystal lite, bottled water, and flavored water...no junk food. So all in all it was a THERAPUTIC day for NECESSARY things right?

Well not so sure Shayne would understand the whole RETAIL THERAPY thing, but um here's the best, he called to let me know he'd be going to midnights (long story there) and I hate it, but its life....anyway, he said "I NEEDED to get a new pair of running shoes." Now I'm sure he did, but guess what, I figure it was the FAMILY RETAIL THERAPY day so I'm cool with the whole thing LOL. Pay day is Friday I'll just send extra to the darn credit card LOL.

Now with regards to shopping, and MOST husbands hating it, I have found that my mom's life lessons of hanging it in the closet, removing the tags and throwing away any bag for proof. When they say "is that new" saying "this old thing" is usually the way to go. However if this is your mode of operation in hiding clothes, for the love of God DO NOT let your 5 yr old daughter see your clothes LOL or she TELLS. HOWEVER, there is the way around that just in case you are a newbie at this whole thing. Buy her a $3 Littlest Pet shop toy so she is FIXATED on that when dad says "what did ya all do today?" She'll say "oh mommy got me a pet shop dog" and I can get on the phone and say "it was $3 she worked so hard this week I thought I'd be nice." How does he begrudge his 5 yr old "ANGEL" the $3 toy? He can't...so now new clothes for mom are a DISTANT memory...SCORE you got away with it.

Now on the off chance he SEES the credit card statement, you cover this by bringing him home something he wanted/needs/ must have (beer/wine or any liquor also helps)....if he has something tangible in his hands then when he actually see the credit card bill...you can say "babe that was your new chain saw and that really expensive beer you liked so much." Now you know it didn't cost $300 but who cares...he can't yell because it's HIS chainsaw and beer LOL...again PROBLEM averted.

So I've given you a few options to "HIDE" your retail therapy. But you could be lucky enough (as I am at the moment) that he be "out of the country" and not able to pay bills ROFL. By the time he comes home the clothes will be OFFICIALLY OLD, and the ORIGINAL credit card bill will be LONG gone with SEVERAL, EXTRA payments posted LOL.

Have you "retail therapied" today? Have a great week-end gang.

Changes are....

....inevitable. I know that we can't keep our little ones from growing up, or stop our big ones from getting any older, but someday I wished I could. This morning I dressed my youngest [baby] boy in dress pants, dress shirt, and tie to go to his kindergarten graduation. I remember every single moment of his life from the temperatures TRYING to get pregnant, to a dog bite in his face, to the dx of Aspergers and the uncertainty that he'd make it to 1st grade this year.

So today started out saying good by to my baby boy and hello to my big 1st grader. I am so very proud of how far Seth has come this year, and although I am nervous of some back stepping into his next adventure, I know now how to help him, and I think that as long as we stay focused, and understanding of his "special-ness" that he'll be ok, and so will I.

Now earlier I mentioned that I can't stop my big one from getting older, and I can't. We are ordering his Letterman jacket, and his class ring all w/in the next month, and he has to register with the NCAA on the off chance he plays football or wrestles in college...OMG college. But I walked into the auditorium at the high school tonight for what will likely be his last band concert of his life. Oh how I have enjoyed seeing him up on that stage, and having played low brass for a few years (in my past life LOL) I always hear his part above those woodwinds. But he is likely to drop band to get in a few more electives that will help him in college. I support it with a heavy heart, because one I don't want him to grow up so fast, and two I LOVED band, and I he plays so well that I just feel bad. But as the mom of a teenager I have learned that we can only STEER them in the direction we want, they still make their own decisions.

So today went from youngest to oldest with changes, and it was overwhelming a bit but I survived. I missed my husband seeing Seth today and I know he would have melted when he saw that handsome little boy of ours walk up and get the "most improved" student award, or when pomp and circumstance played, but I know he's way more prepared than I am for this. His words when I said graduation on Tuesday were "only 12 more years...so start preparing now we know it takes you a long time" LOL...and he's right.

But what I wanna know is if as mom's we are ever prepared for the "cutting of the apron strings?" Changes are inevitable and although variety is the "spice" of life, I'm occasionally all for being stagnant LOL.

Have a great night everyone.

Life Lessons....

.....the other day my sister said "its only a life lesson if you learn something from it" and technically she's right. But then I thought about my life, and how MANY, MANY...well TOO many to count times I have had to relearn the "life lesson." Now does that mean I didn't learn it the first time, I'm really stupid, or does life change so much from year to year, month to month, day to day, or moment to moment that it may "TECHNICALLY" be the same life lesson but is it really? Circular writing here at the moment....but hang in there MAYBE it'll go somewhere before the end.

So lets assume that technically its the same life lesson, but all the players and locations have changed...doesn't that therefore make it a new life lesson? See my son's are given a lot of leeway when it comes to their "mental health" days from school. That's one of the benefits of being home, is I can work their day off into my schedule. But year after year (well not every year but you get the picture) here we are at the end of the year and they want a day off....well no can do, you already took your days off this year. So the pissing and moaning continues. I can say (another GREAT mom moment in my life BE KIND) during the first deployment (which I have already fessed up too that I did CRAPPY and so did the kids) Osten took on a whole new role for himself and our family...so I never said NO (never fear I have learned LOL) if he wanted a day off. It's 8th grade and he's already got classes scheduled for 9th and guess what the report card says "retained for attendance" OMG I almost crapped...where did I miscount, what the hell do I do now. Well luckily where we were ALLOWED him to work the 5 days after school let out from 8-2 (cleaning/stocking/ whatever they needed to close up shop) and he got his days counted and did pass. So should he have learned to not skip school or should I have learned or in the best case scenario should BOTH of us have learned?

Well here we are...another deployment, the end of the school year, and whiny kids. NONE of them can miss days (well they can a few but their grades are crappy this year so they CAN'T miss any days) but it got me wondering if EITHER of them learned one darn thing from the "retention" report card....or do I truly suck as mother? I mean WTH is wrong with me, other than the fact I like them home...um well 98% of the time LOL. But I did LEARN and I say NO go to school...be the state's problem for a few hours (not that they are truly problems but you see where I'm going). I just don't understand where their work ethic is? I mean their dad works like a dog and always has....he doesn't take time off work for and he has reported off exactly 2 times in 17 years...so I guess genes doesn't play a role in whether work ethics are ingrained LOL.

So here I sit with two kids who can do better than they have this year, work ethic ONLY applied to the things/classes or sports that they want to apply it too, and whining that they want a day off. So wanna know what life lesson I learned in this whole blog....

Take this straw, suck it up and go to school, get a darn diploma, go to college, get a job, and get a house of your own...and for the LOVE of God don't bring me home your laundry.

I am having this printed up on white t-shirts for all of us to purchase ROFL. Think our kids will ever learn the life lessons we already know or are the destine to just make the same darn mistakes we did?

My mom taught me.....

....if you have nothing nice to say, then say NOTHING at all. Well that's the reason I have avoided blogging. I am having a hard time NOT being mean, or bitchy...or well just CRAZED. But let me back up and tell you way.... We are ORIGINALLY from "SMALL TOWN" Ohio, and things are WAY different there (all my Ohio friends and family are nodding) there is no way to explain it to you unless you have lived it. And don't get me wrong, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Virginia and all it has to offer. But the other day I over heard my son's talking about "reverse discrimination" and their friends said this or that. Well most of the time I tend to IGNORE (good mom that I am) but this came on the heels of the new nomination to the Supreme Court, Sonia Sotomayor. Now here's the thing...this blog have NEVER been Republican or Democrat or whatever else you label yourself. I want to first state I am a registered Democrat, but I vote for who I BELIEVE is the best choice, I could care if they are a green alien with pink polka dots....if I BELIEVE they can do the best for our country that's how I vote.

But I digress, I was already perturbed when I heard this conversation, as the big BANNER news was 1st Latino nomination to the Supreme Court. That's what scrolled across the screen BEFORE her name came across. So I'm already stewing that this is the 1st thing they have to say? I mean how about Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's hat was just tossed into the ring. Why do I have to be told she's a woman (obvious when I see her picture) or that she's Latino. Please I am not minimizing any FIRST"S of anything...I am all for history making moments, but every damn time I turn around its a race issue. I could care if she's Latino (no disrespect to Latinos anywhere honest). For me, I'd rather hear about her record...not her "compelling life." Betcha we all have something compelling in our lives we could talk about...and trust me someone, somewhere would find our lives compelling. So I'm stewing about the darn media again. Then I hear the kids talking....now I'm good and pissed.

Racism as defined by Websters Dictionary is 1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race 2 : racial prejudice or discrimination. Racism is against EVERY PERSON regardless of COLOR or RELIGION. But my issue here is that REVERSE racism by definition would be NO RACISM...right? So now I feel the need to explain to the boys that Racism and Bigotry, and Sexism and whatever other -ism they can think of is just crappy and wrong. But that REVERSE RACISM isn't a true word in the way they were using it. And in the off chance someone questioned them about it, to 1. call me and 2. tell them that Websters Dictionary offers this definition when the words reverse racism is typed in The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.

So, now I have made the boys look at me like I have six heads, and I'm crazed (go figure LOL) and I'm still mad. I mean listen whether I voted for Obama or not isn't an issue but if I did it wouldn't be because he was black or wasn't black....I don't care what color any one's skin is...I want to know when (before I die maybe) will the media and individuals QUIT pointing out the "race issue." I believe that one person makes a difference, and I believe that we should all have the right to voice our opinions...and I'm all for that...BUT let me preface that by saying, I am a woman (lots of sexism still exists) and I am fat (lots of discrimination there) and I'm old (again lots of discrimination....ageism LOL). You're right I am not black or Latino and I can't understand the past other than what history books tell us, but I can tell you that I have found in the 40 years I have been alive, that bad, horrific stuff happens but if people don't find a way to mend and move on...not forget...I am NOT suggesting that at all....but to move FORWARD then we are no better off then things were when two water fountains were acceptable. I want...no, I NEED to make sure my children grow up as color blind as possible...but for the LOVE of God if the Media doesn't help us then how as parents can we do that?

So as my mom has always said "nothing nice to say, then don't say it" so goes this blog. You are more than welcome to voice you opinion, and I welcome it, BUT I can guarantee that I have the benefit of NOT having the comment on my page, IF you chose NOT to see ANOTHER point of view...doesn't mean you have to change yours...but an open dialogue is a start in ending racism once and for all. The past can NEVER (nor should it) be erased or changed, but the future is a BLANK slate, and together we can make is say what ever we want it to say. So be kind, and know that how we act today effects how our children will act in the years to come.

Happy Friday everyone.

Made a decision...

....I tend to write a lot about my kids and husband, so today I decided (lots of back and forth first) to write about me. Ok, for those of you SCARED, then run...run very fast LOL. This year has been an odd year for me, we moved to another new state, we bought our first house (OMG do I miss ISSUES being the relator's problem LOL). I gained a few more pounds, on top of what I hadn't lost YET, and well Shayne deployed. So I find myself alone with the kids again (which is fine most of the time, but it does have its days).

Last time Shayne deployed I didn't make the BEST decisions...I did A LOT of RETAIL THERAPY, and a lot of drinking on the week-ends in my kitchen playing cards with my friends, and WAY too much crying and worrying. I PROMISED myself I was going to do better this time, and so far I have. The majority of money I have spent so far has been on home improvements, and thats good for the home (and our bank account LOL). But there is always that stumbling block of the weight which I NEVER seem to get over. I mean I am TRULY ready to get the past 16 yrs of weight off, but some days the thought is overwhelming.

So last week I made THE DECISION....to go back to Weight Watchers (its worked in the past for me) and what a wonderful thing to be accountable to someone else who doesn't know me...always is the challenge for me...and well weight loss is a mind game as well as a lifestyle change now isn't it?

So here I am 3 days into my "counting points" program AGAIN, and I am down 6 lbs already, on top of the 4 lbs from just the Wii Fit (which I am back into big time again...yea me). SO I am already down 10 lbs which should be GREAT, but if I'm not careful and stop looking at the GOOD in the -10 lbs then I am OVERWHELMED with the amount I WANT/NEED to lose. So here is the game plan this week. I am going to hold myself accountable to staying w/in my point range (Oh how I will miss those STARBUCKS coffees LOL) and EXERCISE every single day. And I will be accountable on here too. That way my dear friends in case you don't see an update on Twitter or Facebook that I exercised, can you drop me a "NASTY GRAM" to remind me that I WILL do this.

SO here it is, I make a decision, and still need help, I know that many of you aren't shocked because I tend to ask for help more than I ever have, but some of you who have never seen me ask for help...will be going...WTH is up....but I need the help and the support. I want off blood pressure meds, and I want to buy some swanky (is that the right word to use when you are almost 40 LOL) outfit to pick up Shayne at the airport when he gets home next Thanksgiving. Won't he be surprised?

My littlest boy...

....for those of you who follow my blog or are my friends you know that our son Seth was dx with Asperger Syndrome last October. Its been a trying time in our house, with doctors appointments, and testing, and special appointments to help him, and us adapt to what his "normal" is. See most of us have our own view of "normal" and Seth has taught us that sometimes that view isn't all its cracked up to be, and that looking "outside the box" truly can make us better people.

Asperger children are unique in lots of ways, and amongst themselves. Most of the time they have traits that are similar, but no two Asperger children are the same, so although we have a support system, the Aspie parents we know don't have all the problems we have and we don't have all they face. It makes life one of those ROLLER COASTERS that you can't get off of, but LOVE to ride.

Seth is extremely "literal" when he talks to us. Now that means that sometimes his "fixations" (which are also normal with Aspie children) at the moment dominate our conversations. As parents we tell our children we love you forever, or to the moon and back again...ya know there's a ton of examples, and its what we are comfortable saying. So in helping Seth adapt over the years we would say things like you know "mommy and daddy love you forever?" And he'd say yes, and it would force him to "think" about it. Then in true "mommy" form I'd say "do you love me?" Answer yes, which led to the "how much" question. These type of questions encourage Seth to focus on the question AND the answer. Now Seth, God love him, as always responded back with things like I love you "2 days" then it was "100 days" then up to "200 days" and since his focus was numbers not time we just would say OMG I love you 100 days too. But this morning he said to me "mom I love you forever and ever." I almost cried, well I did cry just not in front of him.

Seth has taught us many things over the past 6 years of our lives (even before we know how "SPECIAL" he is)....and the one thing I know in my heart is that he has made us better people, and a better family. Ya know everyone says "life is so short, don't waste it." And that's true, we do need to focus on what's important and the things that we love, but today I want to focus on the fact my son loves me "FOREVER and EVER" just in case he never says that to me again, I want to remember how I feel today at this exact time in my life...and I want to LOVE it.

Happy Friday everyone...Hope that Memorial Day finds you all with nice weather and lots of family around you.

Wednesdays.....

....many of you already know I hate Wednesdays. I actually hate them more than most people hate Monday's. Now there are a number of reasons...among them are the fact that every single Wednesday during the school year STINKS. I always have kids late for school, or missing the bus, no clean clothes, except for LOST the TV schedule isn't the best, its ONLY half way thru the week...there is still half to go, and finally for me Murphy's Law seems to apply every Wednesday. And while I'm at it, any day called "HUMP day" is just kinda gross in itself LOL.

So here it is ANOTHER Wednesday for me. I was already blah, but add to it my oldest who has a STUNNING 64% in Geometry (has to pass it to move on) he had his SOL (his proficiency here in VA) which, believe it or not he SWEARS he studied for...guess we'll see. But then I have all 4 of them with colds, hacking, sneezing, snotting everywhere....I'm sick and thanks to my "fat butt and High Blood Pressure pills" I can take hardly NOTHING to make me feel better, add to it a trip to the emergency room. OMG you are feeling for me now aren't you LOL?

So Mack heads to football conditioning last night and he did hurt his hand, but being the EXCELLENT (NOT) mother that I am I said take some ibuprofen, use ice and go to bed, we'll deal with it in the AM if its not better...guess what NOT better. Called Dr said "better safe than sorry...take him to ER." Now nothing against ER's I think they are fine places with fairly BRAVE and PATIENT staff, but OMG what a waste of a day (or night) any time you go. We spent...wait for it.....4.5 hrs to find out....oh yes its only a bad sprain and deep muscle bruise. Well NO shit I knew that but had to go, because kid wincing in pain 1k a times a day every time he moved it.

So, now I'm home, looking at my pool (yes the pool from hell LOL) and its off by like 4 squares on one side...thank you Virginia rain...I've so appreciated all the mud and crap washing down my drive and walk ways. But I wait its 73 degrees and my kids...yes the ones with colds are in the freezing water. Now I could be the adult and go out and say "get the hell out its too cold" but um why? They are already sick, I do have health insurance for another AMAZINGLY, FUN FILLED ER visit if necessary, so let them yell it out by the neighbors house LOL (yeah I suck today but oh well LOL).

So gang tell me your LEAST favorite day of the week, and we can compare notes. thank goodness in about 7 hrs from now its officially Thursday.

Movie, Tears, and My son (spolier alert)

....title caught your eye didn't it LOL. Today on "ON DEMAND" we rented Marley and Me, and KD and I watched it. I of course cried at the end but I cry at commercials. So Mack comes home and KD was like you have to watch the movie. So after some teeth pulling he agreed.

Stop, back up and let me give you a prologue here. We have a 2 yr old black lab named "Max", and she is HUGE LOL. She chews up stuff, and occasionally pees on my floor, and eats EVERYTHING in site, but Max like Marley thinks she's small and IN CONTROL. So we saw A LOT of parallels between the movie and our lives. WE have been talking about finding Max a new home, she is a LOVABLE nuisance but many days I wanna just open the darn door and ship them out (yes there was that scene in the movie too...so guess I'm NORMAL). So that brings us back to the beginning of today and the battle royal to make Mack watch the movie with KD.

I pulled out of the drive way to go get Osten from lifting/conditioning and they were all sitting here with mouths hung open watching the movie. I came home about 90 minutes later and see Mack...looking a bit sad, but asking if he was ok, was about all I did (yeah crappy mother I know but he's a teenager so I try not to pry anymore than necessary sometimes LOL). So they are at the END scenes in the movie and I look over and see tears rolling down his face as Marley (SPOILER ALERT) is put to sleep.

I felt my heart just melt, I mean I hate to see my kids cry, ever, but to know that a movie with love for a dog in a family touched my son's heart like that made me so proud of the young man he is today. I always knew he'd grow up to be loving, kind, and generous, but today I realized that he has already become that man. What a great moment for me as a mom to know he's as wonderful at I KNEW he would be.

If you haven't seen this movie, then rent it and watch it. It was truly an amazing movie, and my kids loved it, sad but moving at the same time.

End of the year....

...yes I do know it is only May LOL but I am thinking about the end of the school year. I look forward so much to it being over, but about 3 weeks in I'm ready for them to hit the bricks back LOL. However my Osten and Mack will be heading back and forth to the high school Monday-Friday every day this summer (for conditioning either one or two times a day) until August 1st when football season OFFICIALLY kicks off. So no real "summer break" for this family but it will be nice not to have that "morning routine from hell" that we have all year.

So anyway, I digress from my thoughts...go figure LOL. Anyway, it dawned on me today that in another few weeks I will have a junior in high school. I can't believe one I am actually OLD enough to have a junior in high school and two that he is old enough to be a junior in high school, but he is/will be sooner than I think.

Life goes so fast, and truly, if you don't grab hold and hang on, you miss it. I am so grateful that I have had the time with Osten that I have, I mean everyday he is one day closer to being his own man, and heading off to college, where I won't be there to remind him to pack water in his lunch LOL....or say did you pack your gym clothes, and get your damn math homework. But I do believe that Shayne and I have raised him to be his own man, he just doesn't know it yet...but he will.

I love being a mom, but on days where I think about the "end" of one thing and the "beginning" of something new, life scares the hell out of me. I miss him being a little boy and NEEDING me, but I am so PROUD of the man he has become. I hope that deep inside he knows how very, very much he is loved. Next fall will begin the adventure of the SAT's, college applications, class ring, Letterman jacket, and ring dance, as well as whatever else it entails. I am looking forward to sharing every moment he will allow me to share with him.

If you didn't take a moment to look over your life this week-end and appreciate any or all of it, then tonight or tomorrow morning before the week gets so hectic you can't breathe, just step out of your shoes, and love the moments you have with your loved ones. Life is too short to miss any more than you already have.

The "POOL"

Ok, I FINALLY did it...I invested more than $60 in a pool for summer...it was a STELLAR deal (How'd you like that word Preston LOL). Now I told Shayne I was getting it in June when they got out of school and I told him it was gonna be a size smaller than this one, but guess what for $70 more I got a MUCH bigger one, and its not one of those darn BLADDER POOLS...been there done that.

So I got the pool at 6:30 am before the kids left, and guess what it is finally JUST FILLING up NOW. Now you know I had to clean the house, feed KD, scrub up the floor where my damn dog decided she should pee right in front of my "fat butt" (I was walking to the door) for God sakes she is 2 yrs old ...."TIME TO STOP PEEING on the DAMN FLOOR." Every time she does it I swear to all things HOLY that she is gone when it happens again....but guess what she's still HERE...but only till she does it the NEXT time LOL.

Lets see
got pool (check),
cleaned house (check),
set up pool (check),
picked up kids from schools (check)
Listened to KD make me NUTSO about "is it ready yet, is it ready yet" (CHECK, CHECK, CHECK),
and for the love of God I just realized my kids haven't eaten dinner yet...so PAPA Johns will be delivering (sorry Shayner...in my jammies already LOL)

Now that list looks like a heck of a lot less than I actually did, but as I put the hose in the POOL from HELL today, I of course had to pee...did I tell you that I was INSIDE the thing...oh yeah, my dear friend said...get in push out the wrinkles...yeah that was easy..."HEY Amber my ASS is HUGE...ladder not made for a SMOOTH entrance into an EMPTY pool" LOL. OH and did I tell you that the EMPTY area in my yard that is so HUGE would be PERFECT for a pool....but as you can see from the above photo...the darn pool is GINORMOUS....bet the neighbor is gonna be happy I'm fat and don't wear a THONG as I saunter my big butt up the ladder till next month LOL. But here I am I SURVIVED.

And in the midst of all the yelling at the kids to wait, and get that pool, and NO not that way crap that went on today, my little ones came down stairs and said "thank you for our pool mom you ROCK," and they had to make a video for dad to say thank you too, so guess it was all worth it, but man am I gonna be sore tomorrow.

How do I....

....do everything in life I HAVE to do? I mean today for example every one of the kids needed me to be some place else, and two of 'em at the same darn time on separate sides of town. Now most days I am grateful that they NEED me or WANT to spend time with me, but OMG I just want SOMEONE...I don't even care who to watch the kids, and tote their butts where ever and when ever they need to be someplace...and while that person is here, could they grocery shop, mop the floor, do the laundry, cook dinner, and take care of dishes, bed making, vacuuming, paying the bills, and well whatever else you can think of to add to this list LOL.

I believe that MOTHERS are truly special people, but tonight, I am so TIRED, I could cry...not cause I HAVE to do it all (especially right now) but just because some days there isn't enough time in any one day to get every thing I HAVE to get done, DONE.



I think that today I am wishing Will Smith would bring me one of those great I-Robots to help out LOL. So tonight I want to know HOW YOU DO IT? I don't care what it is you do...work, go to school, raise kids, raise your husband LOL, whatever it is you do that HAS to be done in your life. How do you juggle it all? Come on gang....WORDS of ADVICE...lets go, I know that between you all that there is an answer to this.

Kindergarten Registration....

....well today was the day, I OFFICIALLY registered KD in school for next year. My friend Amber insists this was tough on me, but it wasn't as hard as sending Seth last year. Maybe as a mom, someplace deep inside I knew Seth had issues, so I worried about him. When we got the Aspergers diagnosis, it put all of my life into prospective. So today I took all my paper work, my request for KD to have Seth's teacher (cause she's my hero), and registered her.

I am sure next fall when the bus rolls up to get them both I feel a pang of "something" my bet with Amber is that it WON'T be tears or sadness, but when I hung up with her I thought, that any sadness I feel will only be because Shayne will have missed that day, and thats why we had more children, cause with our first two, he was in school full time, working full time, and there wasn't time to watch the first bus ride, or empty the book bag when they walk in. So yes on that day in September I will feel sadness for what he misses...me however, I'm gonna take a deep breath, thank God I didn't kill her before that moment LOL, and then go to Starbucks for a coffee, biscotti, a good book and a job application...cause as many of you know it is my FAVORITE place on Earth.

My baby girl, who I waited my whole life on is a GIANT PAIN in the ASS, but she is ready, and I know that. So Amber you owe me a Starbucks card in September...be ready, maybe we'll just meet 1/2 way for breakfast LOL.

Infomercials

When did that even become a real word? OH well for those of us who are a bit insomniac ridden we LOVE them. But many times they raise OTHER questions...like does that really work? And how about I could afford that its only 3 monthly payments LOL. But this now leads me to MY questions for today....

1. What "as seen on TV" products have you tried?
2. Which do you want to try?
and finally
3. Did any of them work?

I have tried a few, and my favorite so far is Mighty Putty...it fixes almost everything I have used it on. I actually had a leak under my sink I fixed it with weeks ago, and its working STILL.

OK how about the Sauna Belt? Now it works great as a heating pad at night, but it didn't really lose any REAL inches, and after awhile it actually burns your darn skin.

Finally...this is my LEAST favorite one too is the ab roller and the ab roller wheel. Yeah they MIGHT work if the one didn't pull every muscle in your lower back and the other one...well lets just say a heavy girl pushing a wheel on the floor makes ya feel like an OVER SIZED wheel barrow, so pushing myself to do it...NOT happening LOL.

Now my favorite thing about infomercials is there is always that in bold statement that says "NOT AVAILABLE in STORES" LOL now let me say every last one of these items is in stores...usually at Wal-Mart up by the registers...you know the IMPULSE shopping row right at check out LOL. And I certainly didn't pay FULL price for any of them THANK YOU Wally world.


Now the downfall to shopping in the store for them is there are none of those PILES of packages waiting outside your front door...which is always great...I mean a gift for yourself that you paid for but What the heck ever at least its not a bill LOL.

Ok gang lets see what you can offer me here...maybe there is something out there I have missed and want to try...fess up to the great buys, or really bad ones.